Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

crazy_girl

the self-harmign is pretty hard to deal with really, its the voices say ive got to do it and then its in my head and i feel it in my tummy till i do it, its liek im desperate to do it

it deosnt hurt when i do it but it does afterwards, especially when i get in the bath or barky jumps upon me

crazy_girl

im a complete loser today, slept in till 4pm, poor barky didnt get any food till then or a walk, her water dish was almost empty, she must have been gagging for a drink, terrible dog owner, dont deserve her

willa

Hi everyone, I've decided to start again with posting here.
I've learned a bit more about myself, was feeling very rejected and sorry for myself when I posted before and jennihen and LM's replies showed me that perhaps that is one of my 'paranoias' and I need to watch that. I did feel that I was trying to fend off a horrid poster alone apart from Unity but I do realise that maybe a lot of you just can't take confrontation and avoid it like the plague - which is probably wise. I will try harder to avoid confrontation in the future and just ignore because it really does my health, mental or physical, no good.
I also didn't mean to upset anyone and I know that I am not a bully, I've been bullied repeatedly in my life and I hate bullying.
Right, LINE DRAWN!
Crazy_girl, if it's any consolation, you're not alone with the OCD. Mine is bad just now, so many things I do I can't really go into it but they're compulsions and they stop me from relaxing and they're driving me mad.
I was a bit tee'd off this week to get a letter from a local counselling service asking me to ring them for a telephone assesment. This was the result of the referral
to a psychiatrist that my GP said he was making to see if I might have bipolar depression. Rang them and they said the assessment would only ever end in seeing a counsellor, no psychiatrist.
Counselling/psychiatry - bit of a difference.
I'm seeing the GP in the new year and I've decided I'm going to 'let rip' (so to speak). It may just be some silly system error but I've gone in enough times and put up with rubbish about excercise and they don't know this and they don't know that and I've had enough. I'm hoping he'll increase my meds dosage for the time being because the depression is worse in some ways and the OCD is the same.
If that gets nowhere, I feel like just giving up and staying a housebound basket case. The house is a tip, I don't even keep on top of basic things like noting appointments like I used to. Ordering pizza in again tonight because I just can't face cooking and normally I can automatic pilot that no matter what. It's getting worse.
Anyway, I'm seeing my family over Christmas so I'm sure that will be medicinal.
Hope Christmas doesn't treat any of you too unkindly if I don't post again 'til next year.
:xmassmile

LameWolf

Willa you are so right, I just don't do confrontation. I'll scoot off and sit under the table and chew a metaphorical slipper if I think there's an argument brewing - legacy of a controlling and violent father, I guess.:rolleyes:

I'm feeling like a total useless lump at the mo - couldn't even cope with the plumber myself, Mr LW had to blag a day working from home.:(

He didn't mind, but that's not the point; I'm just finding it harder and haarder to deal with People. Which in turn is why I turn to Dutch Courage more than is good for me. Gods, I wish I wasn't such a total wuss.

LOL I'll cook rather than order pizza, because I can't face using the phone to place the order.:rolleyes:

willa

LameWolf wrote: »

Willa you are so right, I just don't do confrontation. I'll scoot off and sit under the table and chew a metaphorical slipper if I think there's an argument brewing - legacy of a controlling and violent father, I guess.:rolleyes:

I'm feeling like a total useless lump at the mo - couldn't even cope with the plumber myself, Mr LW had to blag a day working from home.:(

He didn't mind, but that's not the point; I'm just finding it harder and haarder to deal with People. Which in turn is why I turn to Dutch Courage more than is good for me. Gods, I wish I wasn't such a total wuss.

LOL I'll cook rather than order pizza, because I can't face using the phone to place the order.:rolleyes:

Aw, I know how you feel about the people/phone avoidance too!
Wuss is me, even tho' I do get into fights! Sorry, did, I think a lot of it comes from low self esteem etc. etc. so that's a biggie and it's always been there.
Made hubby a cup of tea while he's in bath so that's one thing I've done today, oh got scale and polish at the dentist too - that was my big day out! Really!
Thankfully I find a scale and polish more relaxing than a trip to the hairdressers (never go, do me own) and my dentist is a lovely cheery bloke.
I even surprised myself by telling the dental staff 'Merry Christmas!' on the way out.
Maybe it was the unnacustomed sunlight on my skin, definitely need more of it...
x

LadyMorticia

Evening all. :wave:

It's so cold here. I think I may freeze into an ice block!

Seeing as OH doesn't have a car anymore, we're going to brave the bus into town. Now, that's okay for OH. He doesn't have any anxiety issues. Me on the other hand, I'm usually a quivering wreck so it's going to be hard for me but alas, I love OH and he wants to go to the cinema to see "Avatar" so I'm doing it for him.

Think I may need a lot of tea tomorrow before we leave to calm my nerves.lol.

x

crazy_girl

LM- good luck for the film today x

hubby wants me to go to the streetwise music group thing then everyone goes into the pub next door, its coz hes out till late at his works xmas do, im still in bed, so not sure what time i could actually get into town for

jennihen

My son passed his driving test - Yay!! He said he'll take the girls to school from now on when I'm not working. I'm so proud of him! Watched him drive off this morning all suited up cos he's doing a couple of numbers in the end-of-term assembly - brought a lump to my throat!!
Hope all is well for everyone else. My plan to enjoy christmas is on track. I'm in good spirits. If I could just be rid of this awful chest pain . . .

LameWolf

Jennihen congratulations to your son. :T Tell him to drive safe; there's a lot of snow out there today (at least there is in Concrete Cow Country.)

Willa Mr LW does my hair for me, as I can't do it myself any more. The thought of visiting a hairdresser would send me into total meltdown!

LM and CG good luck for your respective outings; oh, and CG give Barky a cuddle for me.:o

jennihen

Thankyou LW - DS hustled me a bit about insurance but I overheard him telling his dad that he really wanted to out now in his car cos we we were likely to get snow at the weekend and he wasn't going to be driving if it was slippery! Pretty sensible! We live on a new estate with very slippery new tarmac everywhere and last year was a nightmare. We watched a peolpe carrier slide sideways past our house one morning and some lovely man who went to help the lady driver went crashing on to his back as soon as he set foot on the road. As yet no snow but a really bad frost this morning.
How was Avatar Unity and did you go to the music workshop CG? DS plays the guitar and has gigs lined up for next year!
Hope everyone else is chipper today. Keep warm and busy
JH x