Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

sandy71

Evening everyone hope you all had a good weekend and hugs to those who didnt.
I have had so many seizures over the last few days I don't know which way up I am at the moment. Stress is a big factor and I have had a lot of that recently :rolleyes:
My black dog seems to have grown over the weekend and is the size of an elephant at the moment.

crazy_girl

sandy71 wrote: »

Evening everyone hope you all had a good weekend and hugs to those who didnt.
I have had so many seizures over the last few days I don't know which way up I am at the moment. Stress is a big factor and I have had a lot of that recently :rolleyes:
My black dog seems to have grown over the weekend and is the size of an elephant at the moment.

(((hugs))) wish i could offer any advice but on the subject of sezious im afraid i cant, i just can say im thinking of you and hope it improves soon x

Rachel021967

I've been suffering from depression since I was 12-13 (since I started Secondary school) and went untreated for many years until I became psychotic and couldn't cope anymore. I've been on antidepressants for 7 years now and I find it hard to cope with everyday life. Husband has had enough and threatening to divorce me if I don't pull my socks up - which is easier said than done. I don't get on with people in my neighbourhood as they cannot forgive me for the things I said when I was psychotic. As a consequence life is difficult for my children. My 5 year old wants a birthday party but I know nobody will turn up like they did for my older daughter, so I've just been avoiding the subject.

absolutebounder

I think you have some thinking to do if you want things to get better. people often look for major changes but overlook the fact that very often it is a small margin between being sad and depressed to being happy.
A marriage is a partnership and so you should be working together towards common goals but do either of you have any. your husband is obviously frustrated to say such things but where is his frustration coming from. Is it that he loves you but just feels helpless in not understanding how you feel? Or is it that he works all day and sees you as not pulling your weight? Or even something else? You need to sit down and discuss this in private with him first and if no resolution seek marriage guidance. it may be he expects a change in you far smaller than you think or he may even welcome just small changes every day. He probably realises things wont change overnight.
you say the depression started at secondary school. Are the same factors present now ie do you need to be depressed anymore? That might seem silly to say and I may get shot to bits for it but often depression becomes a habit well after the original cause has gone away.
7 yrs of ADs. Are they really doing that much good? I would suggest you have a long talk with your doc about their effectiveness and ask if there is other forms of help you can get because there are.
as for your neighbours. once agin I think you have to talk to them and gradually show them you are not psychotic any more. Explain that you were ill but dont put the blame on the condition. try to just be yourself. many people (probably all of us in truth) try at some time to be what we think other people want us to be. Very big mistake as we like natural people and not fakes. this is why I say you can appologise for what you said but not make excuses for it. if the people around you are half decent they will eventually come round. After all it is also wrong of them to take your actions out on your son. Maybe be honest with your son and say that you have upset some of his friends parents but are are doing your best for next year.
The ball Im afraid is in your court and if you really want to I am sure you can start changing just a little to improve your situation. These changes can be very small such as challenging yourself to get up 10 mins earlier and make breakfast or just making the home a bit tidier. beware though hubby may not comment positively but if he comments less negatively it means he is happier. Men are wired differently from women.
First thing though. sit down and talk to him and tell him you will try if he can also help.

sandy71

CG and Rachel I hope you have a better day today. I'm putting on the I'm happy and fine act but inside I'm struggling not to cry.

absolutebounder wrote: »

I think you have some thinking to do if you want things to get better. people often look for major changes but overlook the fact that very often it is a small margin between being sad and depressed to being happy.
A marriage is a partnership and so you should be working together towards common goals but do either of you have any. your husband is obviously frustrated to say such things but where is his frustration coming from. Is it that he loves you but just feels helpless in not understanding how you feel? Or is it that he works all day and sees you as not pulling your weight? Or even something else? You need to sit down and discuss this in private with him first and if no resolution seek marriage guidance. it may be he expects a change in you far smaller than you think or he may even welcome just small changes every day. He probably realises things wont change overnight.
you say the depression started at secondary school. Are the same factors present now ie do you need to be depressed anymore? That might seem silly to say and I may get shot to bits for it but often depression becomes a habit well after the original cause has gone away.
7 yrs of ADs. Are they really doing that much good? I would suggest you have a long talk with your doc about their effectiveness and ask if there is other forms of help you can get because there are.
as for your neighbours. once agin I think you have to talk to them and gradually show them you are not psychotic any more. Explain that you were ill but dont put the blame on the condition. try to just be yourself. many people (probably all of us in truth) try at some time to be what we think other people want us to be. Very big mistake as we like natural people and not fakes. this is why I say you can appologise for what you said but not make excuses for it. if the people around you are half decent they will eventually come round. After all it is also wrong of them to take your actions out on your son. Maybe be honest with your son and say that you have upset some of his friends parents but are are doing your best for next year.
The ball Im afraid is in your court and if you really want to I am sure you can start changing just a little to improve your situation. These changes can be very small such as challenging yourself to get up 10 mins earlier and make breakfast or just making the home a bit tidier. beware though hubby may not comment positively but if he comments less negatively it means he is happier. Men are wired differently from women.
First thing though. sit down and talk to him and tell him you will try if he can also help.

I can't believe I am agreeing with some of what absolutebounder has said but please don't hold it against me
You do need to sit down with your husband and tell him everything, maybe he could come to the doctors with you. It does sound like he wants to help.
If 7 years of anti dees haven't worked your doctor really should be trying something else, is it the same anti dee or have you tried different ones.

It is incredibley hard to get back to normal after a psychotic episode (Been there, done that) But it is possible. I apologised repeatedly to the people it involved and explained why it happened and most people came round eventually, I decided those that didn't weren't worth bothering with. As ab says we all try to conform to what people expect and it just makes things harder. I still struggle every day and some days are worse than others but now my husband knows everything I can tell him and he helps all he can.

Rachel021967

I take on board what you say about making small changes. In the past it's been all or nothing especially with housework. It must be like living on a rollercoaster ride with me. My husband has been a saint but even saints get to the end of their tether.
I'm extremely shy and not appeasing to look at so I do draw a lot of negative comments. Admittedly it has got a lot better as I've got older from the young men but my peers have taken over,especially since my psychotic episode. Maybe I should of apologised when I got better but gossip has gone round and round and distorted with each telling that now I'm on par with the likes of Myra Hindley. Would you allow your child to go to a party been hosted by such a person?
I've been on several anti-depressants and anti psychotics over the years. I've had CBT and ECT, confidence building courses - you name it I've been on it. My problem is my environment but my children are happy in good schools (my elder 2 are in one of the top secondary schools in the country). My husband won't move as I've been labelled as paranoid.

crazy_girl

if you couldnt manage to talk to the neighbours, perhaps you could write a letter and print it off and pop it through their doors? you could include some info on psychosis so they understand that its not how its portrayed in the media, youre not dangerous to them or their kids!

crazy_girl

my hubby used to get cross but now he says that he gets cross only at the illness not at me, can your hubby seperate the two?

Rachel021967

My hubby is very good but my over and under sleeping does get to him. I flip between the two. As for the neighbours its just not them but also the wider community. Most of the time I ignore it but it is especially difficult around her birthday because all she wants is a birthday party like her friends and she can't have it.

absolutebounder

Rachel021967 wrote: »

I take on board what you say about making small changes. In the past it's been all or nothing especially with housework. It must be like living on a rollercoaster ride with me. My husband has been a saint but even saints get to the end of their tether.

Talk to hubby and show him you wish to smooth out the rollercoaster ride. He obviously loves you so will want to help. Chances are he doesnt know how so you have to tell him how he can

I'm extremely shy and not appeasing to look at so I do draw a lot of negative comments.

What does it matter what you look like? Beauty is skin deep for starters. Also few people appear to others the same as they think they do. this is also true with things like your speech. record yourself and see how you sound you may get a shock.

Admittedly it has got a lot better as I've got older from the young men but my peers have taken over,especially since my psychotic episode. Maybe I should of apologised when I got better but gossip has gone round and round and distorted with each telling that now I'm on par with the likes of Myra Hindley. Would you allow your child to go to a party been hosted by such a person?

You cant change the past. You can only make the future better

I've been on several anti-depressants and anti psychotics over the years. I've had CBT and ECT, confidence building courses - you name it I've been on it. My problem is my environment but my children are happy in good schools (my elder 2 are in one of the top secondary schools in the country). My husband won't move as I've been labelled as paranoid.

Shyness is a horrible problem but people who are worthwhile are often far less worrying than you think if you act naturally with them. By that I mean be yourself and dont put on an act. Commonly depressed people mistake observation for judgemental. Others will observe how you act but they will not often be all that judgemental. Even if they are it is up to you to dispell their fears. This is best done by talking to them and not writing a letter. If you write a letter do you know they have read it and do you know that they have understood it. words alone convey very little of a communication. Body language and tonality are far far more important and not present in a letter. You could however once you have a dialogue give them up to date info on the condition you suffered.
learn to talk to people and they will soon forget your past. Actions speak louder than words so perhaps join a club or two in your area or do some charity or volunteer work. One thing I suggest is to befriend lonely pensioners in old peoples homes. many of these people are very lonely and a mine of useful info when you get to know them.
HTH