Black Dog of Depression - can we help each other?

crazy_girl

skint,single_mum_of_4 wrote: »

Just wanted to say hello
I suffer with depression / anxiety and now and again panic attacks..got no family around me.I have kids , youngest is 15 . everyday is a stuggle for me , people say i'm always happy & such a bubbly / attractive person...i bluff my way through life , if they saw me behind closed doors !..i don't like winter but in away its good excuse to hibernate away !
My mornings are filled with anxiety/worry , my evenings deppression. i dont want medication because ive had a couple of bad reactions so its put me off.Hate xmas , xmas is not for people who suffer with deppression...its such a loney time of year. This year my kids off up north to there dads so i can shut the world out !
Its harder havin kids around you , you have got to somehow keep goin . Hate them bringin friends home because i like my house as my own but also my house is usually a mess ive just no heart in it , i'm hopeless at keeping up with washin etc. It takes every bit of effort just to get through the day .
I work part time . i'm always stuggling with money , i started DMP last year to help pay off my debts.
I went xmas shoppin today , it deppressed me seein everyone so happy. people say how can you feel alone when you have kids ...believe me you do , its horrible to say but sometimes it feels like a burden .
My daughter ( shes 22 ) said thanks just now , i said what for ? she said...for commin shoppin with me today !...i wanted to cry !

i totally get the happy/ bubby facade thing im right there with you on that x

crazy_girl

happy birthday unity x hope the day is a genuinely good one (not just a smile and we'll get through it one!) x

skint,single_mum_of_4

Thanks for your kind words
I know anti d's take a couple of weeks or more to kick in and i was told i might feel worse before i got better but after i took them my anxiety was that bad i was shakin in bed and wanted to die..ive tried 3 types !

Ive got self help books etc...did had counseling but honestly she didn't have a clue !
" Its ok to feel angry !
" Its ok to feel down !
All she was was a listener !..i'd like to have cognitive behavior therepy but not many practices do it yet and if they do theres a waitin list for 12 months !...have got a book about it

darknesshayz

skint,single mum of 4 where did you get the cognitive behavior therepy book from?

willa

skint,single_mum_of_4 wrote: »

Thanks for your kind words
I know anti d's take a couple of weeks or more to kick in and i was told i might feel worse before i got better but after i took them my anxiety was that bad i was shakin in bed and wanted to die..ive tried 3 types !

Ive got self help books etc...did had counseling but honestly she didn't have a clue !
" Its ok to feel angry !
" Its ok to feel down !
All she was was a listener !..i'd like to have cognitive behavior therepy but not many practices do it yet and if they do theres a waitin list for 12 months !...have got a book about it

I feel very distrustful of 'professionals' now. Saw one counsellor once, she was my age, lounging, yes lounging, back on a chair wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and cool-ly said 'If I choose to work with you I would be looking to build up your self-esteem'. Hmm, yeah cheers, can't wait. Never went again.
Saw a psychotherapist on my request, stuck in a group (inappropriate), and she was absolutely sh!te, could have done a better job than her leading the group standing on my head backwards. :mad: Went for over a year too and tried really hard to work on myself and open up and stuff. She let physically threatening behaviour (not to me) by one member go unnoticed and let all hell loose on me cos I quietly told said person to fluck off. She was nasty and crap. :mad:
Rant over.

Unity

Happy Birthday Lady Morticia

:bdaycake::bdaycake::bdaycake:

- I hope it is a good one with plenty of cake

Unity

Welcome to all the new posters - the support on here is great :T.

Hugs to all who need them - hope you have a good day.

willa

No, actually, rant not over! Saw GP today, he thinks I can cure my depression with excercise combined with anti-d's. He keeps brushing away my physical blocks to excercise and how my physical conditions are complicating everything. Grr.
He is quite a good GP though overall.

skint,single_mum_of_4

darknesshayz wrote: »

skint,single mum of 4 where did you get the cognitive behavior therepy book from?

I got it from waterstones
"congnitive behavior therepy for dummies !...its agood book !

darknesshayz

skint,single_mum_of_4 wrote: »

I got it from waterstones
"congnitive behavior therepy for dummies !...its agood book !

Thanks, I'll go and look for it on Play.

Just found out something, I didnt want to know, found out where my abuser lives, were he works, his email address.... The past is coming, back to haunt me..... I swear it is....

I am 90% sure it is him..... As soon as I think I can get my life on track, it just moves right back to how it was before....

When I am in the house, I am all sad, and stuff, but when I am out I protray that I am happy etc, but thats not the case.... Gah........ I am just confussed....