Things they don't tell you about being a single mother

Loopy_Girl

Am sitting here with tears running down my face - I thought I was the only one that had these thoughts! Seriously, you have no idea how comforting (maybe the wrong word, I don't take joy in anyone feeling like I do sometimes but you know what I mean!) it is to know that I am 'normal'.

And yes, I do have a normal family. Might just be the 2 of us but that's normal to my delightful gorgeous sensitive and downright sweet little 7 year old daughter.

I went through the pregnancy on my own, gave birth on my own, stayed at home for 5 years on my own and went back to work and now juggle everything yup, you've guessed it - still on my own!!!

No I didn't set out to be a lone parent but !!!!!! happens as they say. I have never had a penny of maintenance and my ex wants nothing to do with her but I have never felt so alive and so worthwhile as I am being a Mummy.

And the best thing is, is that I can take all the credit for the way that she is.

Much love to all the single Mums (however you came to be one) on the board xxxx

98sidney

Snap I had the other woman turn up on my doorstep with a enegagment ring he had given her, same one he offered me 2 weeks before and I had said no as we werent happy, I was also 5 and a half months pregnant and she told me they had been seeing each other for two and a half years.. and not 3 months like he and his family had been telling me..

How can you tell if my ex is lying?...

Easy his mouth is moving. LOL..

Loopy_Girl

Pssst wrote: »

I wonder why mothers always take the kids and let the guys get off scot free? I know its natural but wouldnt they get a shock if you said,hey heres your son/daughter....byeee let me know when i can have access.

Because the majority of women aren't like that. Whether it's because we carried them and then gave birth to them I don't know.

I know there are good Dad's and men out there but it seems to me that there a proportion of men who are happy to impregnate a woman, jog off and not give a second thought to them.

Oh I'll answer the questions as best I can just now to my daughter but hell mend him when she turns up on his doorstep at 16 demanding answers;)

Notsosharp

I know where you are coming from Loopygirl, my ex is just completely clueless. When I tried pointing out a few truths to him he turned it on me "how sad for you to be completely warped" This is the guy who is taking me to court because he wants parental responsibility - please don't make me laugh!

The only comfort I take is like you, one day my DD is going to realise what a s!it, irresponsible father he was and I will take great pleasure in his discomfort when his chickens come home to roost.

Your daughter will realise that its always be you who is there for her, and hopefully one day she will thank you for it.

Take care hun

ixwood

Pssst wrote: »

I wonder why mothers always take the kids and let the guys get off scot free? I know its natural but wouldnt they get a shock if you said,hey heres your son/daughter....byeee let me know when i can have access.

I would do EVERYTHING within my powers to keep my kids if I was in that situation. "Scot Free" implies they're a unwanted hindrance.

The low standard/poor choice of partner seems to be a common theme. To anyone whose ex is a useless !!!!, what attracted you to them originally? What made you think "He's the one!"?

Notsosharp

Drunkeness, boredom and also an inbred honesty that made it impossible for me to lie and give him the number for the local chinese takeaway!

Seriously? He was/prolly still is quite a charming man and can fool people into thinking he is basically a nice guy. He wasn't the best looking man but I could talk to him and we got on well, you only saw his true colours when things didn't go his way and some of the things he said to his ex wife were truely shocking. In my defence I was 18 when I met him (he was 28) so I was quite naive, if not a total virgin. Then it was reliance and habit, I was on my own 300 miles away from my family and I thought I didn't have anywhere else to go.

Up until quite recently I still thought he was OK but then this whole court case thing started and now I have seen him for what he truely is - a misogynistic bullyboy.

IWasWondering...

Send me your address, I'll send you a card.
(((((((HUGS))))))
And as others have said, it really does get better.

Paparika

OMG this thread rang soo true.

The ex going out every weekend clubbing (45 and still trying to pick up girls)
then having no money to have his DS.

The promises of taking him on a weeks holiday in school break, but never happening.

the ex works in schools so i know when the kids are off he will be off but that doesn't mean he will see his son any more than he does (once a fortnight for 7 and a half hours).

The £70.00 per month child maintenance he finds way to high to pay for his son, oh and that i spend all that money on myself and not DS.

And the embarrassing torch he still holds which i wish he would extinguish as it isn't gonna happen, not now not ever, even if he was the last bloke on earth. (shudders)

I scrimp and sacrifice to take my son on at least a weeks holiday a year to ensure he has a holiday.

My hair hasn't been cut in over a year, i am still wearing clothes that were donated to me a few years back, i rarely buy myself anything in favour of make sure DS has what he needs. yet I will always be the selfish cow in the ex's eyes.

astonsmummy

It's hard but it can also be just as hard and lonely when your in a relationship.
I used to see other mums with their partners and be a bit jealous, but noone knows what goes on behind closed doors do they.

At least no matter what happens, or who we are with we have our kids, what more could anyone ask for?

Loopy_Girl

ixwood wrote: »

The low standard/poor choice of partner seems to be a common theme. To anyone whose ex is a useless !!!!, what attracted you to them originally? What made you think "He's the one!"?

To be brutally honest, I didn't think he was The One but despite precautions being taken I accidentally still fell pregnant.

I am all for a woman's choice for abortion but to get rid of a baby as ONE of their parent's wasn't wanting to face the situation isn't one of them.

Be under no illusion, it wasn't an easy decision to make and I did consider all my options but I decided to proceed with the pregnancy knowing full well I would be a lone parent. Though as he was a father already I did think he would have some part in her life. But not so it seems and I can't force him to. But I can force him to acknowledge her via paying maintenance and that is what I try to do now via the CSA.

Single mother's aren't all like Shannon Matthew's mother or benefit scroungers as the media would portray. I have a job and own my own home - there's plenty couples with children who can't even achieve that.