Things they don't tell you about being a single mother

Notsosharp

That you never get Christmas cards, only final demands for bills you can't pay.

That your Ex wil never bother himself to see his DD but will take you to court after six years of not bothering demanding Parental responsibility for her anyway whilst refusing to pay anything.

That your Ex will shout at you and call you a money grabber because you dare to ask for money for new shoes.

That you get unbearably lonely and your life isn't your own any more, whilst all your friends are out you will be stuck at home on your own because you can't find a baby sitter.

That you are severely limited in the jobs you can get because you can't get decent childcare but get slagged off for not having a job anyway

That you will get lumped in with the mothers who genuinely don't get a toss because you are a single mother.

That you will feel like you are getting judged all the time, especially when nearly every newspaper you read has hysterical articles about the irresponsibility of single mothers even though you are trying your absolute best.

That your absolute best never feels good enough.

That you are being judged by all the other mothers at the school gates because they are all married (happily or not)

That there is no one to talk to at night when you have had an especially bad day with DD1.

That it doesn't get better, not ever!

I could go on!

AnnieM_3

*hug*

Because I don't know what else to say, and it sounded like you needed one!

AnnieM x

gorgeous_gwen

Oh I definitely remember feeling those.

The one that used to come up a lot with my ex was

"When you ask your ex if he'd like to look after his DS so you can get out of the house for a very rare evening out and he accuses you of 'wanting to palm your child off on other people so you can have a social life' when you already know from all your mutual friends that all he's done since he moved out is go out, get hammered every time, not turn up for arranged contact and then has the nerve to say he can't afford to give you any money for child maintenance..." :rolleyes:

superstar_2

Notsosharp wrote: »

That you never get Christmas cards, only final demands for bills you can't pay.

Give me your address, I will send you a christmas card.

mirrorimage0

so sorry you feel like this.
i was a single mother for a while but fortunetly my ex who is now my husband as we got back together was alwys there for the kids. i did feel lonely at times and it was a struggle but you do get through it hun.

i used to have a girly night on a fri when another single parent friend of mine came over with the kids and we used to have a glass or two of wine and i did dinner for us all so the kids got to play and we had a good gossip. but there was some lonely nights as well

i also worked and got my self a mortgage which yes at times it was a struggle but i felt self sufficeint.

it does get better honestly just sometimes its a struggle.

big hugs coming to you. x

eira

It does get easier-you'll end up with kids that know there is someone who will do anything for them-and they will be stronger as the result of this.You will know that you are a survivor, that you have dignity and independence and empathy with all the others in your situation.I encounter single parents in the work that I do and they all say the same-no one knows what it's like to be a single parent unless they've been there.Don't listen to the cheery bunnies who have good relationships with caring exes who share responsibility for the kids, or those who get iron clad and living amounts of maintenance on a regular and reliable basis-they don't know what it's like either.

Christmas is the worst time of the lot- as a strater I'd get some advice re the bills, never rely on maintenance payments.No one understands that 'it was only a day/week/month' whatever late can be catastrophic. See if there is a local single parent association that can help-there is a superb one in our area which may be able to help people in other parts of the country.Practical help and support from carefully chosen staff who are either single parents or carefully chosen for their empathy

Thinking of you

paulwellerfan

far from being negative think of the positive things.... like
never having to tell the other half where your going.
what your spending your money on.
having all the bed to your self.
( take it from some one whose been a single parent for 14 years)

mirrorimage0

sorry why shouldnt she listen to cheery people who have exes that want to see thier kids. me and my ex didnt have a good relationship with each other when we split but he did see his kids, and no he never gave me financial support for them i did the bills etc all on my own so some of us do know what its like.
That you never get Christmas cards, only final demands for bills you can't pay.



That your Ex will shout at you and call you a money grabber because you dare to ask for money for new shoes.


yes my ex did this too

That you get unbearably lonely and your life isn't your own any more, whilst all your friends are out you will be stuck at home on your own because you can't find a baby sitter.

i had the same thats why me and my friends used to have girly nights with the children

That you are severely limited in the jobs you can get because you can't get decent childcare but get slagged off for not having a job anyway

yes thatt happened to me until i found the right job

That you will get lumped in with the mothers who genuinely don't get a toss because you are a single mother.

that happened too

That you will feel like you are getting judged all the time, especially when nearly every newspaper you read has hysterical articles about the irresponsibility of single mothers even though you are trying your absolute best.

yes same again

That your absolute best never feels good enough.

even now that still feels true

That you are being judged by all the other mothers at the school gates because they are all married (happily or not)

quite a few of the married mothers even stopped including me in thier little group when me and my partner split up

That there is no one to talk to at night when you have had an especially bad day with DD1.

i know exactly how that feels went through nearly two yrs of it

That it doesn't get better, not ever!

it does get better

the only difference is that my ex wanted to see the kids

PositivelyCynical

NotSoSharp - what you have written sounds a lot like my life right now but no matter how bad it gets always always remember that you and you dd's are all that matter and although they may be too young to understand or show it now, you will have an amazing bond with them because you and only you have cared for them and put them before your own life/happiness and in time they will show there apprieciation in their own way. When that comes it will make all the hard times dissapear.

I got that exact moment the other day when DD said to me' Mummy, I love you more than anything, even chocolate, homework and pink!!'

ailuro2

What they don't tell you about being a single mother.....

That your kids' hugs and kisses are all for you, every last one of them!

That you can give them your undivided attention all the time without needing to spend quality time talking to a partner too.

When your kids are older they will know that you did your best for them, all on your own, and that demands a great deal of respect.

Your kids will be brought up YOUR way, no-one to disagree with over changing bed-times, whether they have to finish their veggies at tea time every night, what the reaction needs to be to paint their walls with lip gloss.

They will never see their parents arguing and trying and failing to keep an unhappy marriage going beyond it's sell by date.

You get to have chicken nuggets and spaghetti hoops for tea too, if you want them!:p


OK, so maybe that doesn't make up for all the hurts, trials and tribulations of doing it on your own, but perhaps you could join a single mothers group and get some moral support to help you through the harder times when everything and everyone seems against you.


As for the married women at the school gate - they are just wary of a single woman on the loose who might steal their husband - just ignore them, they're not worth it if they can't see you for the person you are.:rolleyes:

PositivelyCynical

ailuro2 wrote: »

What they don't tell you about being a single mother.....

That your kids' hugs and kisses are all for you, every last one of them!

That you can give them your undivided attention all the time without needing to spend quality time talking to a partner too.

When your kids are older they will know that you did your best for them, all on your own, and that demands a great deal of respect.

Your kids will be brought up YOUR way, no-one to disagree with over changing bed-times, whether they have to finish their veggies at tea time every night, what the reaction needs to be to paint their walls with lip gloss.

They will never see their parents arguing and trying and failing to keep an unhappy marriage going beyond it's sell by date.

You get to have chicken nuggets and spaghetti hoops for tea too, if you want them!:p


OK, so maybe that doesn't make up for all the hurts, trials and tribulations of doing it on your own, but perhaps you could join a single mothers group and get some moral support to help you through the harder times when everything and everyone seems against you.


As for the married women at the school gate - they are just wary of a single woman on the loose who might steal their husband - just ignore them, they're not worth it if they can't see you for the person you are.:rolleyes:

Excellent, excellent post ailuro2:T

re the single mother at the school gates thing.....My DD (age 4.5!) came home from school the other day and announced that she knew the difference between a Miss and a Mrs......According to her teacher (A Mrs, naturally:rolleyes: ) A Miss is still waiting for her wedding whereas a Mrs has had her wedding! she then proceeded to ask the kids if there mums were Miss or Mrs!! I am then quized as to when I will have my wedding and be a Mrs like her teacher!! Blooming ridiculous thing to be asking kids if you ask me!!

I told DD that untill mummy can find a Prince Charming like Snow White then Im happy to continue being a Miss and the only couple im interested in being in is me and her and to tell her teacher just that! She understood perfectly.....:p