Pros and Cons of having a second child?

Glen0000

Becles wrote: »

That's quite rude and patronising. I do hope you taught your child to have better manners and to respect other people who are different to you.

Why is that rude? I don't have the money or patience to raise more than one. Seeing the amount of tax credits given out by the government to families and the kids roaming the streets at night in addition to the gun and knife culture, neither do a lot of people.



If you can bring up polite, well behaved, hard working children and give them the opportunity to thrive as well as providing a stable financial future, without claiming benefits, then good luck to you.

Glen0000

Becles wrote: »

. As long as you have the time, love and patience to nurture each one, then go for it.

You forgot money.

galvanizersbaby

Glen0000 wrote: »

Why is that rude? I don't have the money or patience to raise more than one. Seeing the amount of tax credits given out by the government to families and the kids roaming the streets at night in addition to the gun and knife culture, neither do a lot of people.



If you can bring up polite, well behaved, hard working children and give them the opportunity to thrive as well as providing a stable financial future, without claiming benefits, then good luck to you.

Your neighbourhood sounds awful Glen0000 :eek:

Glen0000

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Your neighbourhood sounds awful Glen0000 :eek:

It was lovely 10 years ago. Shocking how Labour have destroyed working class communities.

Jo_F

My ex husband was an only child, and it sure as hell didn't make his parents contenders for parents of the year.

When we planned children, his stipulation was more than one, mine was that there had to be an even number, being one of three, I know how it goes, 2 will always gang up on one, depending on what the situation is.

So we had two, there is a month short of 2 year between them, sure they fight like cat and dog, and take great pleasure in winding each other up (and dropping each other in the mire), but, when push comes to shove, they are there for each other.

My current partner (the children's dad died) is also an only child, and just like my ex, he's spoilt, prone to tantrums, doesn't know how to share, and seems to think that he should get his way, as his way is the only way.

Charlie23

I was an only child and hated it. It is ture a only child is a lonely child. Silly things like board games they're all for 4 or more people, so it means you can't play games unless you have friends round. I was spoilt but would have done anything for a sibling.
I've always said i wanted more than one child because of my upbringing (wonderful parents but still lonely) My husband is one of 3 so can see the up side to having only one but when we've weighed up the pros and cons we've decided to have 2 or more (got one now)

good luck and hope you find whats right for you and your son
charlie

shirlgirl2004

I'm a mum of four but I think, ceteris parabus, that one is best. 2 of my children are adults and the other 2 are under 5. The oldest 2 fight like cat and dog (not physically). Always have done and probably will until they leave home. I wanted my 3rd child to be effectivly an only child, unfortunately nature had other ideas;) . They get on better than the other 2 but the sad fact is you have so much less time when you have 2 than one. OK some parents go out to work and don't spend a lot of time with their children and this can be the case with one or two. I choose to stay at home with mine so I can give them quality time, giving that time is so much harder when you have 2. Finding time to give them one to one is not easy, it is doable but it has to be planned rather than spontaneous.

You have to work out what is important to you.

flea72

i dont think there are any positive or negative points on having more children, you either have them and deal with it, or dont have them and deal with it too

to say having more than one child makes for lax parenting is a bit of a judgement. i know of many lone children, whose parents skills could also be called to account. it says more about the parent than the child

however, i do find the point that having more than one child would mean that the wife could only work p/t a bit of odd statement, as i assume that means, by having one child you can work f/t and therefore see less of your 'golden child', than if you have two kids, and got to spend more time at home, actually seeing your kids?

Growing up in a family of 3 children, and having 3 myself, i havent really experienced being an only child.

However, speaking to my mum, and many older people, who also have no siblings, i think they find it harder the older they get. Dealing with their parents as they grow old, and taking responsibilty for their care, takes a real toll on one person, and just being able to discuss the options with another relative, would ease the stress. Also having to arrange your parents funerals alone, is when it hits home most

There is no right or wrong when deciding to have another child, as long as you love it, and it loves you, then thats all that matters at the end of day

Flea

foreversomeday

Pigeongirl, what do you want? I think this is the most important factor, as others can not be as they seem, e.g.

Pro: Siblings keep each other company and play together.
I have got a sister and she is like my best friend, we are really close, but my mum never got on with her brother and in fact he made her life hell until they both left home. My DF has a brother but they are fairly indifferent to each other, he loves his new nephew though lol. These are all siblings close in age and all are the only 2 in the family so it shows the difference in relationships you can have.

Con: Taking care of a two children is harder than having just one.
It can be, yes, but also you have the bonus that you can ask your toddler to help e.g. pass nappies, fetch a cloth to clean up a mess etc when you are looking after the baby. With a sling you can give attention to both at the same time. However all siblings fight and two can create twice as much mess as one!

Con: It's more expensive having 2 or more.
The younger child can use hand-me-downs of uniform, baby equipment, clothes etc (if they are the same sex anyway) but you might need a bigger house, car, need to spend twice as much at Christmas etc. Or they can share, and you can spend half as much at Christmas on each child, go out half the amount of times to attractions, you might save with family tickets etc.

two-for-one

I find an only child tends to have a "me, me, me" attitude. Tend to be more selfish and self-centered. Can't blame them as they generally tend to be the sole focus of their parents lives and don't have to share their parents attention with anyone. This is what I have observed from families where there is only one child.

When my daughter was an only child my husband and I found everything tended to revolve around her, even though we tried to check ourselves, it is still very hard. Where as now with have another addition to the family, DD is learning to share and think about someone else other than herself. I find more than one child tends to be a much more healthy balance.