It's not rocket science, so why don't I get it?

Piquant_2

Today I will see the exex for the first time in nearly a month. I feel confused and a little angry. I’ll do a potted history of our relationship for those that are new to this. Incidentally, if you are the moral police, stop reading now!

• Met at uni – fell in love and wanted to be together, parental pressure meant we parted
• I married someone else
• Re-met exex and had an affair with him
• Divorced
• Exex and I finally lived together – very happy
• Both got cancer within two weeks of each other – togetherness just one step too far!
• Couldn’t handle it – he walked out and disappeared for three years
• Exex reappeared declaring undying love – but married to someone else!
• Sent him away
• He came back and we had another affair
• Sent him away – I couldn’t handle the guilt
• He came back at the end of last year and says he single and wants to come home

Please don’t judge me, this has taken place over many years and we seem to be tied together by invisible strings, yet unable to stay together.

He went home to his parents in New Zealand over the Christmas break. In the period from 17 December until yesterday sent me one email and two texts, which I feel is a little under-enthusiastic. Over the years I have explained time and time again, I don’t need flowers and presents, I need time and communication. Every time he says he can do this, but he can’t, can he? It makes me feel so angry and resentful. It feels terribly sad that after all this time, we get the opportunity to grow old together, but ….

I am content in my life without him, I miss love, but I get by. I try to do my best for other people and not to dump my troubles on them and here I am dumping them on a diary for all to see….

I think I’ll shut up now. Maybe I’ll feel better when I’ve seen him?

Piquant_2

KTjazz wrote: »

Excel and too much time on my hands is bad for my street cred...

You genius you! I did it with my fingers, not very good at Excel...

[Deleted User]

Piquant wrote: »

Today I will see the exex for the first time in nearly a month. I feel confused and a little angry. I’ll do a potted history of our relationship for those that are new to this. Incidentally, if you are the moral police, stop reading now!

• Met at uni – fell in love and wanted to be together, parental pressure meant we parted
• I married someone else
• Re-met exex and had an affair with him
• Divorced
• Exex and I finally lived together – very happy
• Both got cancer within two weeks of each other – togetherness just one step too far!
• Couldn’t handle it – he walked out and disappeared for three years
• Exex reappeared declaring undying love – but married to someone else!
• Sent him away
• He came back and we had another affair
• Sent him away – I couldn’t handle the guilt
• He came back at the end of last year and says he single and wants to come home

Please don’t judge me, this has taken place over many years and we seem to be tied together by invisible strings, yet unable to stay together.

He went home to his parents in New Zealand over the Christmas break. In the period from 17 December until yesterday sent me one email and two texts, which I feel is a little under-enthusiastic. Over the years I have explained time and time again, I don’t need flowers and presents, I need time and communication. Every time he says he can do this, but he can’t, can he? It makes me feel so angry and resentful. It feels terribly sad that after all this time, we get the opportunity to grow old together, but ….

I am content in my life without him, I miss love, but I get by. I try to do my best for other people and not to dump my troubles on them and here I am dumping them on a diary for all to see….

I think I’ll shut up now. Maybe I’ll feel better when I’ve seen him?

No moral police here - life's hard enough without that! I've been reading your diary for a while but not sure if I have ever posted. Of course you are confused and angry, it's a perfectly normal response to everything that has happened. I hope all goes well, thinking of you. x

KTjazz

ditto to the above poster.

we've all done things that some moral high grounders won't like I'm sure. No body means it.

maybe you're joined by invisible bungy rope... hee hee

Piquant_2

Thank you Goochie and KT for kind words!

Don't have any money stuff to report on, haven't spent anything, that's good. I've sent off the RAC form from clubpoints meaning my elderly car will be covered for another year for zero pounds :j

That's the blue bit done. I've seen exex and asked for more time I can't decide by the end of the month especially when we've lost a month. Told him (again) that talking is a necessary part of a relationship and if he can't do this then it is truly the end. There will be no way back from it. He appears to understand....how can someone who's IQ is in the top 2% of the country be so thick??? :rolleyes: - answers on a postcard please.

Basically, I've wimped out, he still exex rather than exexex. So I only have myself to blame for any heartache. I still seem to be holding out for a happy ever after. Pass the sick bucket Maud.

mickey_mouse

hope you get lots of communication from ex ex before you make any decisions - good luck

well done on going with the clubcard points for the RAC:D

Piquant_2

mickey_mouse wrote: »

hope you get lots of communication from ex ex before you make any decisions - good luck

well done on going with the clubcard points for the RAC:D

Very pleased with the clubcard deal!!

If he doesn't talk to me it won't work, it's actually that simple. However, he has to understand he can't keep breezing back after long breaks of silence, we're too old for that, we have lives to live. And anyway, you can't breeze in and out in a bathchair when you're 87 :rolleyes: Which is what will happen if it's left up to him:rolleyes:

KTjazz

IQ doesn't stand for Emotional Intelligence.

I've come to the conclusion that boys are stupid for the most part when it comes to emotion, great at other stuff, but they don't get what women need most is communication.

My OH has gotten much better but we still have our moments.

If you want it, and he can communicate better, then go for it. To me it is obvious that you keep coming back to each other for a reason (and I'm a hopeless romantic)

K. x

Piquant_2

KTjazz wrote: »

IQ doesn't stand for Emotional Intelligence.

I've come to the conclusion that boys are stupid for the most part when it comes to emotion, great at other stuff, but they don't get what women need most is communication.

My OH has gotten much better but we still have our moments.

If you want it, and he can communicate better, then go for it. To me it is obvious that you keep coming back to each other for a reason (and I'm a hopeless romantic)

K. x

Have suggested that as he is such a geek, he could set up all sorts of fancy comms gear, he was quite excited at the idea :rolleyes: Joy.....I'm only going to able to talk to him if I'm wearing a purple antenna, a green wire out an orifice and a small keyboard strapped to my bosom. Now where does the romance fit in wearing that lot?:rotfl:

sillylittlejill

i disagree with KTjazz. boys are stupid full stop, men are stupid most of the time but not all.

my OH is great at talking, thats the main problem in our relationship, he talks about how much he loves me and wants to get married and be a dad then...nothing! grr, men!

I'm with KT though, there is a reason you keep coming back to each other, i'm pathetically sad with things like this. I don't think that means let bad behaviour slide because there's a reason you two are being pulled together, but maybe keep it in mind?

hi everyone btw! xxxx