Getting OH to propose - and think it's his idea!

Jo_R_2

Well, for me, no proposal yet!

However. Things are going great, baby is due in two weeks and we're really happy. The issue of marriage does come up quite frequently, I have to say on the whole by OH who comes out with various comments... He often calls me his wife or talks of me as his wife when speaking with other people such as work colleagues. I cheekily reply, "I'm your girlfriend, not your wife," and he replies that we may as well be married and we will be soon, to which I reply that someone has to do the asking for that to happen!

I know as he's said since my original post again that the man should do the proposing. It's clear its in his head, even more so as he's said again that he'd need to have some money for a ring ( things are pretty tight at the mo.) I have a feeling that once things settle down, after baby is born and we're in a better place financially, that I may get a proposal, but for now I'm happy as we are.

jamtart6

weird, i obviously posted on this thread at the time, as it has come up in 'subscribed' but my post has vanished! I got the proposal just before xmas

Mrs_Ryan

I'm here

Still no proposal.... and theres something unspoken heavy in the air that I think we're over. Mum is in hospital at the minute (shes ok though... spoke to her today) and that really shook me up. We had several huge rows in early January in which I cried for days, and we both said some very hurtful things. He just kept saying that I cant have it all and that his idea of bliss is to live with me (not married, no kids) for the rest of our lives and that he will leave me the house and money in his will.

I said I just cant comprehend why he doesnt want to marry me - he muttered some rubbish about his parents splitting up but I kept repeating why did you propose to Maria (his ex) then? He lost his rag and yelled that he wishes he had never told me and if I want to dump him I should just do it but he will end up back in hospital again. He knows Im not happy with him - but its just his behaviour Im not happy with. Unfortunately my bro and sis-in-law have just split up for the one millionth time :rolleyes: and my sis-in-law is staying with my mum and dad at the mo so leaving at the minute isnt a possibility, but I've told him he's got till next summer as Im 30 next year and I want to be either settled or be making a new start by then, and if he hasnt bucked his ideas up by then and started treating me better Im off. And I mean it this time.

I've started making my feelings clear as he has always been my 'partner'but now I refer to him as my 'boyfriend' and when he complains I say to him that we arent married so thats all you are. He starts on about 'oh but it makes us sound like we arent committed.' I just glare at him and say 'well you know what to do about that, dont you?' He is also hacked off that I have made it quite clear that there are several things I dont want him involved in unless we get married - for example the fact I dont consider him my next of kin because he isnt, but I used ot list my ex as my next of kin when we were together.

A lot of people have said he sounds like a waste of space. Especially my mum. But having had a previous violent relationship that really set me back, I just dont have the courage to leave him. *sigh*
The sad thing is, our realtionship used to be happy. And Im sure it still could be if only he could see what he is doing to me... which is the whole problem, he thinks Im just nagging him and he cant see Im unhappy with the whole set up. I have told him I dont want to waste my life doing nothing with him when theres so much I could have. Im still young and if he doesnt want me then I will find someone who does. He keeps bleating 'I love you' but I keep saying to him - prove it and think of me and what I might want rather than just thinking of himself all the while.

But we shall see. He knows he hurt me last time and things have actually been alright since, he's been a lot more considerate towards me. But he's aware we're under a cloud and that he needs to sort himself out.

Thanks everyone for being so lovely-will keep you updated. xxxx

briggers_3

congrats jam tart!!!!!!!! how did it happen and tell us, does it change things much? I'm thrilled for you.
As for skintcat, you sound like you're in a similar position to me indeed. Today is my first day alone again, I got the day off due to the snow, did a relaxation cd, going to watch jeremy kyle....all in all, a great morning!!!
My ex(!?) had already rung to say take care on the roads. I know he really wants to come back but I'm going to try to stay sensible and strong. As i said before, we're both planning to move in a few months anyway, I mean to a different part of the country. I think we're still both likely to, get back together or not.Well I certainly will as I'm from there and want to move home. I won't be living with him there unless we're engaged.
He wrote me a long letter yesterday which i guess was to convinve me to let him stay and to not break up with him, and in it he said that he wanted to offer me everything that my friends had. He actually wrote "ring, engagement, holidays' and then he said that he would be back on his feet and in a position to do this in July.
I didn't say anything. a) I don't want expense/a wedding/a majorly pricey ring and I'm sure I've said so in the past b)he still could have reassured me over the last few months that he wanted to spend all his life with me c)now that I've made him move out, no doubt he will have to spend more on rent and bills and deposits and so on, so he will not be back on his feet financially after all!!!!!
Que sera sera I guess.

Mrs ryan, I can't tell you how much i didn't want to break up. I'm the same age as you, I've had a horrible break-up before which I regretted for about a year.......Maybe you have a "break" so that you can both see more clearly? That's the way I'm looking at things.....
XXX

Jo_R - Only two weeks to go! I think that having a baby puts proposals (and everything else in life!) in the shade so I'm not surprised you're happy the ways things are for the moment. Best of luck! Newborns are so amazing xx

tb1105

My OH and I have been together 4 years, living together for 3 and a half. He was going to propose but chickened out as I used to be anti marriage but dropped lots of hints that I wanted to. We talked about it freely and then he went away for a week, I missed him like crazy, he came back and I proposed to him! He was abit chocked but said yes and we are getting married in August I don;t see why it should always be the men asking

marywooyeah

I don't mean to be funny but if you have to persuade someone to propose to you will it still be special?

i know a couple that met and were pregnant within 2 months and they didnt even live together! when i said oh you're engaged the man said to the woman yeah once you stopped badgering me about it i finally proposed didnt i and laughed.

I have to admit I did think yeah right they are only engaged because she is pregnant and the fact that she badgered him into it does kind of make it not so special.

Dinah93

Mary has a bit of a point, I honestly believe that if a guy wants to, he will, if you're the right one for him no 'commitment issues' are going to be enough of an excuse if he feels he could loose you. If he has to be talked into it one or the other of you will regret it, you have to both be in the same place, eager and willing. Marriage is a huge commitment and while I'm sure 99% of people on this board want it due to the commitment it represents, but the 1% who want a big wedding but are not completely happy in their actual relationship, it's a really expensive band-aid, and will bring out more stresses in the relationship, not patch them over.

When my ex started to talk about proposing I freaked out, realised I didn't want to be with this man the rest of my life, even though I want a family of my own and a husband to take care of, I wouldn't be happy with him, and I had to find the right guy. And when its the right guy, and the right time, he shouldn't need talking into it, something will happen to get him ready naturally.

D x

marywooyeah

did anyone see that Sex and the City episode where Charlotte persuades Tre to marry her? later on she starts crying and says "what will I tell my children? Mummy said let's get married and Daddy said "alrighty!"

:rotfl:

svjenni

Not sure if any one will see this but I thought i'd share. I started to get a it obsessed with the whole getting enaged thing at the start of this year. Just a few questions from my mates started the ball rolling so I have been following this thread with a slightly unheathly interest. I totally sympathise with the OP as OH and I have been together about 18 months and we had talked about kids/ marriage right t the start of the relationship but since we bought a house together those discussions stopped. I felt it was hard to broach the subject again,

Anyways I dropped a few hints about diamonds and I took him to amsterdam for valentines, but I found myself not enjoying it as much as all i wanted was a proposal... Well we got tipsy and I ended up asking what was on the cards, and then he surprised me by saying he had ben looking at a few rings anyway so what did I think?

Well I stupidly said you can't propose like that! But at least we have had the discussion (he has the blue nile website link, and as the same taste as me in rings....watch this space!)

xJayJayx

well i guess i'm one of the lucky ones, it was the other way around for me! My Fiance was the one always talking about marriage and how he wants to get married and have kids.. He asked me on valentines day and it was still a complete shock to me haha, i just hope his romantic side lasts til at least our wedding day... although to be fair he's the most lovely guy a girl could ask for!

I would advise just talking about it with him and suggesting you'd like to get married.. perhaps he's waiting til after the baby is born to ask you, you never know!