Getting OH to propose - and think it's his idea!

Solusnomead

Just be careful Mrs Ryan. I've seen this before. You need to keep your resolve. I've seen men do this repeatedly. As a guy I know why they do it and may get shot for saying this. Some men love having control and if he is one of them he has seen that your not giving him total control anymore. So this may be a false backing down to get you to let your guard down. Just be VERY careful and stick to your guns.

Tigerlee_2

Well done Mrs Ryan! Glad you had a chat with your OH to talk about this. Hopefully things have changed for the better. Still make sure he doesn't revert to his old ways. As for your mum, hello it's the 21st century! women don't need to be supported by a man anymore. Loads of women don't get married before 30 now. Good luck x

Skint_Catt

Solusnomead, I understand where you're coming from and I agree with your caution totally. But having mentioned some things about my relationship on here in the past people don't think I should be with my OH, but we are good together and right for each other. Sometimes its just alerting the other person to their behaviour - not everyone can see what they're doing, they just think they're being protective/helpful.

Hey, I'll be 32 in Feb and still (officially) 'single' (as in unengaged/unmarried though we're living together). And yes I feel like a failure (half-heartedly )!

C xx

Stephb1986_2

No one is a faliure for getting engaged/married in later life, its better than stuffing up in early life to someone who is compleatly wrong!!

Well done Mrs Ryan!!

Steph xx

GemmaB78

Sometimes it takes a crisis for men to see what is in front of their noses.

My OH and I have been together for just under 4 years. I knew from quite an early stage in the relationship that he was 'the One'. I'd had relationships before and was never that bothered about marriage (maybe a subconsious thing - I 'knew' they weren't right so didn't want to commit for a lifetime together). About 18 months in, I asked my OH one day what his opinions were on marriage. He said he wasn't bothered - didn't think it was necessary. I was devastated - I really thought/hoped he felt the same way that I did.

Despite this, we moved in together. Our relationship is brilliant, and I decided that I'd rather have a wonderful relationship with him unmarried than be miserable married or with someone else. But it still upset me.

Anyway, about 18 months ago, he was diagnosed bipolar and has been off work since, but on claim (group IP - thank God). Until about 2 weeks ago when the insurance company decided to stop paying. We're going to fight the decision, but in the meantime we are down to one salary.

I have had to sacrifice my hobby (I do endurance riding which isn't cheap!) and taken on part-time work as well as my full-time job. Which effectively means I have given up my dreams of selection for the national team. I'm gutted about it, but the bills have to be paid first.

He has FINALLY realised how much he means to me, and what I am prepared to sacrifice for the sake of us. And, over a very tear-sodden dinner he suggested that when we have the money, we head off to Vegas and get married.

I'm thrilled, but slightly annoyed it's taken this for him to realise how wonderful I am and how he needs to hang onto me!!!

I would say that most men I've known, once they meet the right girl, are actually quite keen on marriage. Don't the experts say that the happiest groups of people are married men and single women?!

For those of you who are after the proposal - good luck! I hope you get it.

1399steve

Just to give a male point of view - I've been with my OH for 5 years, we've lived together for 3 1/2 years and I finally proposed yesterday and she said yes!

I've known for the past couple of years that she wanted to get married and it has been a source of tension in the past but until recently I hadn't felt ready to get engaged. It was nothing to do with a lack of committment on my part - I always knew we would get married one day but I didn't want to rush in before I was ready.

We were in a rented house for 3 years but recently we bought our first home together and with the cost of a wedding, I thought it was more important to save for a house that we can live in together rather than spend so much money on a single day.

Anyway, I was really nervous about yesterday but it came as a complete surprise to my fiancee (how weird does that sound to me!?) and we're both really happy and looking forward to organising our wedding in 2010!

beccam

1399steve wrote: »

Just to give a male point of view - I've been with my OH for 5 years, we've lived together for 3 1/2 years and I finally proposed yesterday and she said yes!

I've known for the past couple of years that she wanted to get married and it has been a source of tension in the past but until recently I hadn't felt ready to get engaged. It was nothing to do with a lack of committment on my part - I always knew we would get married one day but I didn't want to rush in before I was ready.

We were in a rented house for 3 years but recently we bought our first home together and with the cost of a wedding, I thought it was more important to save for a house that we can live in together rather than spend so much money on a single day.

Anyway, I was really nervous about yesterday but it came as a complete surprise to my fiancee (how weird does that sound to me!?) and we're both really happy and looking forward to organising our wedding in 2010!

:T :T :T :T :T congratulations Steve, well done for popping the question and giving that girl a great Christmas!!:T

Jo_R_2

Had to chuckle, we went to a friend's birthday party last night, said friend greeted us and had a chat with OH when I was chatting elsewhere.

OH relayed this conversation they had, friend asking had he proposed yet, him saying no, her asking why not, him saying he didn't know She asked if he wanted to, he said yes...

I asked him if he wanted to get married then, he said yeah of course, he was waiting for the right time to ask, I said how will you know when the time is right, will you just know, and he smiled and said he didn't know LOL!

This was after a couple of beers so should be taken with a pinch of salt!

Serendipity_phoenix

You know I am all for marriage.....but at the end of the day, it will not change that much, after the actual day, you will be the same, with the same problems, bills, goals etc. Try asking yourself if it is the idea of a wedding day and being a bride that you crave? and if it is, would it matter who the groom was? or are you trying to do the right thing in your parents eyes? are you hoping once you are married, you wont feel like your sister is the only one to have got it right?

I am not trying to be difficult! just asking some deep questions!

I am married to my second husband, I only just lived through what my first husband did to me, so getting married again was a big step!

Just remember weddings are expensive and stressful, very stressful, you need to be 100% sure and 100% together to survive them!

It sounds like he was hurt before, so it could be baggage from that, I think the best thing you could do, is talk, talk about everything with him, even your silly little feeling deep down inside that know one else knows about! make him your best friend as well as partner, but dont forget yourself, look after you, so if the end did come about you can pick yourself up and move on with pride. Never be a door mat, it is not worth it for anyone!

Be honest with each other, talk, spend time together, if he is doing something that hurts/annoys you say about it, he isnt a mind reader!

if you have a problem or doubts about the way you are being treated chances are it isnt right!

Give him time, if you are sure he is the one! Just remind him now and then that you would like to be Mrs....
If you wanted a way to bring it up, maybe after seeing a story about how a famous person got back there "before baby" figure, you could confirm how you would like to get to a dress size .... before being a bride!
or share a romantic story of how so and so proposed, or a how not to do it...like I heard x asked z to marry her, he did it this way, how romantic! i would love that/how awful, i would hate that.

Good luck, just look after you and make sure you are sure!

tori.k

this thread has been a eye opener.....i cant belive anyone would want to twist someones arm into marriage...i just say"id like to get married",share you view's and leave it up to them...im with skintchick and other's, i said i wanted to get married someday to my now husband back when we were dating,.....why spend year's waiting to see if the person is worth it? if they're not sure they want to spend the rest of their life with you after 6 months then they probably will never be sure.... mine bless him turned up to my work with some travel mags and told me to pick a destination,Mauritius is was.....and we got hitched there...tho i never got engaged so lost out on a engagement ring....lol...weddings are like children never a good time finacially to have them...so just do it, coz tommorow might never happen.....best wishes to all xx