Leaving my husband

lovethymini

Having read all three pages of this very moving thread, I have nothing to add that hasn't already been posted.

So I'm sending you a big virtual bunch of your favourite flowers to put in a sunny window in your new home.

Best wishes for the future

x

WEEZE210_2

Have only just read your thread and wanted to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel!
I got married at 18, was not a good thing to do. My now ex husband was very controling and wouldn't even let me go shopping on my own. I had our 1st child aged 17 then our 2nd child at 19. I had to go shopping with him but I just followed behind with the kids! I wasn't even allowed to pack the bags because I didn't do it right! I couldn't even use the bathroom on my own he always followed me.
When I refused sex he just waited till I was asleep then abused me! I often woke up in the middle of it.
I moved into my sons room and slept on the floor but that made no difference. He had a terrible temper and often threw the kids about as they often annoyed him. I was always running around checking that nothing had been moved, broken or messed with before he got home so he wouldn't fly off the handle.
I was a stay at home mum but also a childminder, any money I earned went straight into the 'joint' account which he had sole control over, I had no money.
Our house was a council house in his name. So I had no money and no where to go. I plucked up the courage to go and see a solicitor who started divorce proceedings but said as the house was in his name I couldn't make him move out. I went to the council to see if I could get rehoused but they wouldn't do a thing till the divorce was sorted. So then I was living with a man I hated and he was even more bad tempered because of what was happening! This continued for a few months, so did the abuse, you can't imagine how horrible it was living there. Eventually I phoned my dad in tears after an abuse session and he phoned the police on his way over, (He lived about 35mins drive away!) After talking to the police and deciding I couldn't go through with pressing charges, they had a word with him (he was round his mom's, 2mins away) it was suggested that he move out for a while, luckly he did that, but that was prob his mothers doing!
I stayed in the house but he started coming round all the time to 'see the kids' he treated the house like he still lived there and just walked in an made a cuppa etc. He was always asking what I had been doing and trying to keep an eye on me.
When the divorce came through I went to the council and they transfered the house into my name and I immediately put the house up for an exchange to nearer my family. A few months later I moved and it was the best thing I ever did. I now own my own house, work in a supermarket down the road. I only do school hours so I can pick up my 7 yr old (from another relationship that was a disaster and ended up in court because of him stalking me when we split, another story!) and I've just got married to the most generous, caring, loving gorgeous man. It's took a while, and a few mistakes, but you can get ther in the end. I'm so happy now and my kids are better off and much happier than ever.

FingersCrossed_2

Rollo,

Just wanted to say all the best of luck. Your strength is inspiring. I agree with the advice here and am pleased you are getting the benefit of some of the wonderful people on MSE.

I would only add a little advice - plan for after you have made the move. There will no doubt be moments after making the move where your strength is tested. I know from experience that you are so busy (and full of adrenaline) before that you can suffer a real low after the 'big day'. Just make sure you spoil yourself and if you ever have any doubts about what you have done - remember what drove you to this.

Good luck for Tuesday - strength comes in numbers and we are all behind you.

hulagirl79

Hi
I just wanted to say good luck for tuesday, i hope everything goes well for you and your children.

hugs
xx

piglet74

well ur almost at the line now, its nealry monday now, and im thinking abouy you, good luck, esp over the next 48 hours, imagine, in 48 hours, u will prob be fast asleep under you new happy roof!!! good luck x

Money_maker

Good luck, thinking of you
x

rolo-polo1965

WEEZE210 wrote: »

Have only just read your thread and wanted to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel!
I got married at 18, was not a good thing to do. My now ex husband was very controling and wouldn't even let me go shopping on my own. I had our 1st child aged 17 then our 2nd child at 19. I had to go shopping with him but I just followed behind with the kids! I wasn't even allowed to pack the bags because I didn't do it right! I couldn't even use the bathroom on my own he always followed me.
When I refused sex he just waited till I was asleep then abused me! I often woke up in the middle of it.
I moved into my sons room and slept on the floor but that made no difference. He had a terrible temper and often threw the kids about as they often annoyed him. I was always running around checking that nothing had been moved, broken or messed with before he got home so he wouldn't fly off the handle.
I was a stay at home mum but also a childminder, any money I earned went straight into the 'joint' account which he had sole control over, I had no money.
Our house was a council house in his name. So I had no money and no where to go. I plucked up the courage to go and see a solicitor who started divorce proceedings but said as the house was in his name I couldn't make him move out. I went to the council to see if I could get rehoused but they wouldn't do a thing till the divorce was sorted. So then I was living with a man I hated and he was even more bad tempered because of what was happening! This continued for a few months, so did the abuse, you can't imagine how horrible it was living there. Eventually I phoned my dad in tears after an abuse session and he phoned the police on his way over, (He lived about 35mins drive away!) After talking to the police and deciding I couldn't go through with pressing charges, they had a word with him (he was round his mom's, 2mins away) it was suggested that he move out for a while, luckly he did that, but that was prob his mothers doing!
I stayed in the house but he started coming round all the time to 'see the kids' he treated the house like he still lived there and just walked in an made a cuppa etc. He was always asking what I had been doing and trying to keep an eye on me.
When the divorce came through I went to the council and they transfered the house into my name and I immediately put the house up for an exchange to nearer my family. A few months later I moved and it was the best thing I ever did. I now own my own house, work in a supermarket down the road. I only do school hours so I can pick up my 7 yr old (from another relationship that was a disaster and ended up in court because of him stalking me when we split, another story!) and I've just got married to the most generous, caring, loving gorgeous man. It's took a while, and a few mistakes, but you can get ther in the end. I'm so happy now and my kids are better off and much happier than ever.

omg you are so strong, if i have half as much strength as you i will be happy.

rolo-polo1965

FingersCrossed wrote: »

Rollo,

Just wanted to say all the best of luck. Your strength is inspiring. I agree with the advice here and am pleased you are getting the benefit of some of the wonderful people on MSE.

I would only add a little advice - plan for after you have made the move. There will no doubt be moments after making the move where your strength is tested. I know from experience that you are so busy (and full of adrenaline) before that you can suffer a real low after the 'big day'. Just make sure you spoil yourself and if you ever have any doubts about what you have done - remember what drove you to this.

Good luck for Tuesday - strength comes in numbers and we are all behind you.

Thanks

I must admit i do not feel strong, but do know i am doing the right thing. Thanks for all your support

rolo-polo1965

FingersCrossed wrote: »

Rollo,

Just wanted to say all the best of luck. Your strength is inspiring. I agree with the advice here and am pleased you are getting the benefit of some of the wonderful people on MSE.

I would only add a little advice - plan for after you have made the move. There will no doubt be moments after making the move where your strength is tested. I know from experience that you are so busy (and full of adrenaline) before that you can suffer a real low after the 'big day'. Just make sure you spoil yourself and if you ever have any doubts about what you have done - remember what drove you to this.

Good luck for Tuesday - strength comes in numbers and we are all behind you.

It is good to know you are all behind me.

Thnks to everyone for your support

rolo-polo1965

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your support.

Part of me is excited but part of me is aprehensive.

I have slowley been aquiring furniture from freecycle which i am collecting tomorrow.

Thanks