Leaving my husband

rolo-polo1965

ceebeeby wrote: »

Good luck Rolo.

Nothing more to add than has already been advised. Let us know if you're stuck for anything in the new house - most of us can source things very cheaply or free x

Thanks

I am trying to get hold of a washer, fridge and freezer at the moment, i have been keeping an eye on freecycle and am hoping that something will turn up there.

Thanks for your support

rolo-polo1965

FingersCrossed wrote: »

Are you going to leave a note or something for your husband? Just thinking, it might be best to tell him that you've left him, won't be back, have consulted a solicitor and people know the full situation. Just thinking safety here. Best to make it clear to him so he might twice before turning up at your work, kids schools or somewhere else he might find you?

I spoke to the soliciter when i saw him last week.
He advised me to write a not including the following:
I have left him, will not be returning
Have seen a soliciter who will be in touch with him soon
I want the house for me and the children to live in

Thanks

Rikki

I haven't posted before but have been following your steps forward.

I just wanted to wish you well and good luck in your new life. ((hugs))

angelfairy

rolo-polo1965 wrote: »

Thanks

I am trying to get hold of a washer, fridge and freezer at the moment, i have been keeping an eye on freecycle and am hoping that something will turn up there.

Thanks for your support

hi rolo,

i have been reading your thread throughout but have not posted as i felt there wasn't anything i was able to add that others hadn't already said.

a thought on the washer/fridge/freezer though, do you have a community furniture project in your area? i am not sure if they are benefit related, but they sell on second hand furniture. the first time I saw the project was on the Channel 4 program "The Secret Millionaire", but have since seen a woman at the bus station in town with a uniform on for the community furniture project.

If you google 'community furniture project' you may find one in your area.

yoni_one

Rolo, you are doing so incredibly well at this difficult time.

Have you been in contact with Women's Aid yet? I ask because I work for them and my role is to support women and children as they leave the refuge and move in to their new home free from abuse and in the longer term coming to terms with the emotional issues that arise on the journey to independent living. As you are aware, there are so many things to think about it helps to have support.

Your local refuge may also provide support in the community and if so I strongly urge you to access it - if you find the number of your local refuge ask them if they offer an Outreach service or Floating Support and if you can self-refer.

I don't know how old your children are but obviously they will have developed their own experiences and ways of coping through their experience of living in a household where there is domestic abuse and thankfully children's needs are being considered far more than they once were by agencies working in the field of domestic abuse.

One of our services offers a group for kids so they can explore their feelings and learn coping strategies etc. Also children sometimes secretly blame themselves for the arguing or any hurting goes on in the home so if you can raise the fact that adults fighting or falling out is never never a child's fault, nor is it their responsibility to try and fix things then that could relieve some of the pressures they may be feeling, expressing this in general is better than asking them directly if they feel at fault as that just puts more pressure on them.

There is a really good website set up specifically to support children and young people through this kind of thing at http://www.thehideout.org.uk/default.aspa

I hope that your move went well.

Before you decide on whether to inform your ex of your new address immediately have a think about the your options and assess the risks involved with telling him and not telling him.

If you choose not to tell him immediately you need to be thinking about informing the children's school not to hand out that information, also arrange for your post to be redirected (to a trusted third party's address if possible) and letting the post office know you do not give permission for your address to be disclosed to anyone without your permission.

These are just a few things to be thinking of that may be helpful to you or anyone else reading this in a similar position.

With regards to getting help with white goods you may be able to find a charity willing to help on http://www.turn2us.org.uk/grants_search/search_by_topic.aspx

If you want to bounce anything off me please feel free to IM me, and well done on taking this brave step.

jockettuk

ive been reading this thread and wish you all the very best .. one point though.. when we helped my friends mum move in similar curcumstances we tried to do it as quickly as possible but someone rang him at work and he came home and caused a terrible scene, just thought i would let you know this could happen..

with reference to the washing machin.. cant you take that with you.. with 3 kids you need it more than he will and mabey if he had to struggle a bit harder without you might make him realise what a prat he been ..

good luck and all my best wishes

Mutter_2

So glad you mentioned this jocketuk. That very scenario was playing on my mind too, it could so easily happen.
Ideally, someone should be positioned slightly away from the house but able to warn if the husband returned.

ljbnotts

I just wanted to wish you luck, what you've decided to do is very brave and now you can look to a happier future. All the best to you and your children. xx

Loretta

jockettuk wrote: »

ive been reading this thread and wish you all the very best .. one point though.. when we helped my friends mum move in similar curcumstances we tried to do it as quickly as possible but someone rang him at work and he came home and caused a terrible scene, just thought i would let you know this could happen..

with reference to the washing machin.. cant you take that with you.. with 3 kids you need it more than he will and mabey if he had to struggle a bit harder without you might make him realise what a prat he been ..

good luck and all my best wishes

I can't believe that someone would do that it's unbelievable! If it does happen and he causes a scene call the police. Is there somewhere for the children to go while you are actually moving? You may be better on your own with some adult help to do this quickly

The very best of luck another couple of day and the worst bit will be over and you can start the rest of your life

bumblebee87_2

id just like to say good luck on the big move tomorrow! i really hope everything goes smoothly x