Leaving my husband

Glitzkiss

Hi rolo,

I've just read through your thread and I couldn't read and run. Your strength and courage is amazing. Best wishes to you and your family

louise540056

Good luck Rolo- I bet you'll meet someone lovely (not that I'm saying you need a man of course) and you'll be so glad you did this!! xx

combo81

Ive skim read this whole thread and dont have any doubt that you have made the right decision. I was brought up in a similair home to yours and my mother put up with all my dads drunken abuse, both physical and mental. As did my brother and me. It was only three year ago they split, both pensioners. we had both left years ago, so it didnt affect us, but i still get angry inside when I think she should have left him when I was about 13-15, it was the ideal time. As for the like father like son part, I beleive some of this is true, Ill admit I can be a real bad tempered !!!! at times, and horrible to my partner and kids, I feel its because I genuinely think Im a better dad than mine was, and sometimes feel unappreciatated by my kids and mrs. I know I need to be nicer (its not fueled by drink BTW) My brother doesnt speak to dad now, as the time my mum left he had a big bust up with him. My mum and dad get on better nowadays, as they have respect for each other, something they lost, I think thats the problem, you get so used to being together you lose that respect, and blame each other for being like that. My mum feels sorry for my dad now, he tries the sympathy card a bit sometimes and she always nags me to take the kids over to see him, hes nice with his grandkids and they love him to bits, I just wish he could have been like that with us. Like I want to be. I never go in the huff so I spose if we do have an argument it doesnt go silent in the house for days even weeks like it used to at home.

Good luck for the future

msb5262

Hi Rolo - how is everything going for you? It's a while since you posted on this thread; I was just wondering how you are doing.
Best wishes,
Harriet

rolo-polo1965

Hi

Sorry not been on for a while.

Had a tenancy inspection today, the chap comented on the damp on the walls. I explained that i have 2 children who have been diagnosed with asthma since moving in here and am concerned. He told me to look up on the net and write to the owner and agency with what i find. He tolme not to say that he had told me to do this though. So i will have a look tomorrow and see if i can find a conection.

Am planning on ringing soliciter tomorrow to see what is happening with divorce.

Hubby told me last week he was going to get house valued but am still waiting.

Filled in forms and had an interview for housing benefit, am not holding my breath but is worth a try.

I think thats it for now apart from we all feel we did the right thing in moving out and are enjoying our new life.

msb5262

Thank you for the update. You sound weary, Rolo - I'm not surprised. You have achieved a lot though; just from your post, you have several irons in the fire so hopefully things will move forward quite soon.
Just wanted to say you were in my thoughts. Keep going!

Tar4737

rolo-polo1965 wrote: »

Thanks

Yes all of the children are his we have been married for 23 years, i dont regret marrying him as i would not be without any of my children.

Just had another barny with him as he is not interested in coming to parents evening for the girls. He was moaning that they dont talk to him and dont do what he wants them to do so why should he go. so i shall be going on my own.

I shall be making an appointment with a soliciter tomorrow

Hi there,
I have been in exactly ur same situation, husband was verbally and sometimes physically abusive, i sometimes think verbal can be more soul destroying which might sound wierd. We had 4 children and he would not leave the property, i spoke to the local council who arranged a chat to assess the situation. She advised me of an order which could be put in place due to his behaviour , to make him leave the property. The house was mortgaged and had joint bank accounts etc, but if things get to this stage, u have to think about your children and yourself first and worry about that later. It will get sorted fairly in the end.
I was given a direct number to the police due to abuse, being physical and mental. Also i was offered panic buttons to be fitted in the house incase of emergencies but i carried on down the line of trying to get him out. They have the opinion as they are on the mortgage that they can break a window and get in that way if locks are changed, and they are very true. But you would be entitled to call the police on the basis that you are being threatened and are frightened and restriction order can be placed on him. All sounds bit scary and i certainly didnt enjoy having to go through with doing all this but ended up with no choice as he had plenty of chances.
Basically in the end due to him finding out i was going down these chanels to get him out he left on his own accord but i was also offered a safe house in the meantime while he was still there if i felt i needed it. All things which can be thought about and would be offered to u if you felt u needed to get out quickly. Sometimes a harsh approach gives u the most benefit in the long run. Solicitors can then arrange for monies to be sorted etc, selling the house and splitting the monies etc can also be sorted for u. I put the house on the market myself as couldnt afford to keep it and now rent but it was all worth it in the end.
I hope this helps a bit and u have every right to stay in the house yourself with the children while u put it on the market or even pay for it yourself if u can. but its just gettin him to leave thats the problem so this is where police numbers and panic buttons are offered for the period of him still being there for ur own peace of mind, because i feel he wont be a happy bunny when he knows what road u are goin to take. Seek help as u know u r goin to do anyway and just know theres help out there for u so good luck and look forward to hearing how you get on.

rolo-polo1965

Well i emailed the soliciter last week. She replied saying she has recieved my marriage certificate and will be drawing the papers for me to sign and will be writing to hubby telling him.

Got an email from hubby tonight saying he has recieved a letter from the soliciters today and is not happy. He will always love me blah blah blah.

So it would seem that the wheels are moving slowly. Need to sort the house out next. Not sure how to sort the stuff out yet as i do want some of the stuff. I do keep poping round and getting various bits and pieces that are up in the loft.

As more happens i will update

msb5262

Well done, Rolo. You've taken the first step to the next part of your life. Thanks for the update. Hope you're feeling ok about it all.
msbx

yoni_one

I keep popping over to see how you are progressing, thanks for all the updates.

It is clear that he is still working on you, you are doing brilliantly and I know this wont have been plain sailing. I think your thread has brought a lot of people together who have experienced DVA and given each other a level of strength and reminder that no one deserves to be bullied or hurt and there are better options out there.

take care xxx