Different life - so new SOA!! Back once again :D

hypno06

When you go to these appointments, take a notepad and a pen and write things down. similarly, make notes well in advance of the meetings of all the things you want to say, or the answers to questions you might get asked, so that you can refer to it when your mind goes blank.

I hope you can sort something out with CCCS - I don't know what they do in that sort of situation.

And for everything else, have some dodgy MSE hugs :grouphug:

Sea78

hey hypno -thanks - I do make notes, but can't really understand what they all mean when I get home and he starts on at me, becuase I'm taking too long to sort it all out and have changed my mind over things etc. I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing with regards to the kids and I don't know how to sort that out.

Sorry - probably makes no sense at all!

hypno06

this is an important thing you are doing, and so if it takes time it takes time. As for the kids, only YOU know deep down, what is for the best - no one here has that knowledge or feeling, so the best we can do is support you as you go through it all. That's pants, I know, but you have to do what you have to do - regardless of how horrid it is or how long it takes.

It WILL all come to a conclusion and you can move on, and although it seems a long way off, there is light at the end of the tunnel, honest x

chocaholic110

I've written this message loads of times yet still can't seem to express what I really want to say but the gist of it is something like this...

When we met the impression I got from you was that you're a lot stronger than you think you are and I completely thought your (ex) OH didn't deserve you. You seemed to have loads of confidence when I met you but this doesn't always come across on here - you need to use some of that confidence, put yourself and your children first and go after what you want and how you want things to pan out. I think your OH is just trying to use the kids to get at you and hard as it is, you need to stop letting him do that. You maybe need to be a bit tougher with him and ignore him when he "starts on at you". You have your children's best needs at heart and he obviously doesn't - that was obvious when you said he was taking DD's bed because his mother bought it - if he was any kind of man he would want his child to have a bed even if he had to sleep on the floor!

I wish I (or anyone else on here) were a bit closer to be able to give you the support you need. remember we are always here to listen to a rant - even if you want to PM it to keep it more private.

I too can only offer a dodgy hug :grouphug: and I hope I haven't made too much of a mess in expressing myself.

mum2one

Sea, Im here if you ever need anyone, pm and rant away. Sometimes its only when cards are on the table that you really know who ur friends are, even if you have known them for yrs, the trouble is it takes something to happen b4 u realise.
I was in the same position re friends, when I was was pregnant with dd (back in 2002), my employer was doing everything they could to get me out of my job even thou I was off sick, I asked a "friend" could they help me out, no way at all, yet another person who I had worked with in a different location, didnt know her that well, she got me everything I needed and more, she went the extra mile, and when my dd was born I asked her would she be godmother, now 6 yrs later, anything I need or vice versa shes a solid friend.

\from what I see with ur oh, u put the children 1st, he doesnt he just wants a easy life, I know it might be hard, but u need to dig deep and find ur inner strength and remember how stong u were, its not going to happen overnight, but as they said Rome wasnt built in a day.

Hes most properly getting annoyed as things arent working out the way he wants, you need to ignore him, and take 5 mins to yourself. Can you get ur solicitor to move things along and ask them to write to you, or even if they can write doen the info from the meeting and you pick it up from their office. x

taxi73

I think that's a great idea taking a friend with you to the solicitors.I agree with Hypno as well that we can all be here for you but ultimately the deciscions are up to you.
Why not have a think of which way you want it to work out regarding the children ..not what he wants....and then go for that.

Sea78

Ok

Thanks for all the kind words and support - have had a good long think - am off to the solicitors on Friday with my friend. Have a horrid feeling that ex has just gone off to his sol's to sign off divorce papers against me for unreasonable behaviour - but hey, ho.

Some good news - sorted sit with friends - turns out busybodies got involved as usual and twisted everything up - when we actually talked, turned out we both thought it had been very different things that had been said.

CCCS are going to send me the difference back (thank goodness) and I have also secured a one off conf this saturday that I'll be getting £120 for and expenses - amazing - so christmas will be happening!

I think I know what I need to do about the children situation, but it's now working out the full details. And also brace myself for hell through the courts. Who knows how much it'll cost, but i'd rather lose everything but the kids.

Hope all are ok.

Thanks again for the wonderful messages.

Sea xxxxx

taxi73

Great to hear how positive and strong you are feeling.Good news re your friends and the conference and CCCS....
Just the kids to sort out and you'll feel so much better.Just go into solicitors for what YOU want.Catch you later x

hypno06

Things are heading in the right direction - as you say, you KNOW what you have to do about the children......you just have to DO IT!!

dig deep girl x

In_Search_Of_Me

sorry things are so carp for you and so hard...you will get through this. As you say the kids are the no 1 priority...wel done for sorting the ddm's and getting on top of it - so hard when you feel overwhelmed. Also great that you have good friends supporting you with sols etc...list is always a good idea as usual brain always malfunctions when under stress - or mine does anyhow!! huge hugs for you...thinking of you.