domestic violence

Janepig

solongmarianne wrote: »

he intends to plead not guilty, he actually thought he had killed me, when they arrested him, so he said he will get off as I am still breathing. god only knows what is going through his mind!! I have been told I can sit behind a screen, I will have a think about that, I want him to see me and what he has done and how he has lost , quite frankly the best things that have happened to him all because of drink and his temper. however I may not be that strong when I get to court so the screen would definatly help. he also knows/ thinks that I will back down because I am shy.
police have tld me that because this is the first time he has done this he is likely to get a fine. I just think at least I am putting things in place if his next girlfriend needs to call 999 xx

Wow, have the Police really told you that? I'm amazed. I would be very surprised if he gets a fine, first offence or not. Most DV cases I deal with are men who've never offended before, but I don't recall any of them getting a fine. From what you've said, he strangled you until you passed out - if that's the evidence thats put before Court then I would be shocked if it stays in the Magistrates Court. My feeling is that it will go to Crown Court as the manner in which he assaulted you would be taken really seriously.

Has he had his first appearance in Court yet? Do you know what he's been charged with (ABH, Common Assault, etc...)?

I understand what you mean about the screens, and your reasons for wanting to face him. But perhaps have them arranged anyway just incase you don't feel up to it on the day. What I find often happens with DV cases is the defendant goes not guilty on the basis that the victim will be to scared to go to Court, and then when the victim does indeed turn up to give evidence then they change their plea. So you may well find that will happen, and you won't have to give evidence.

Jxx

mspig

Janepig wrote: »

Wow, have the Police really told you that? I'm amazed. I would be very surprised if he gets a fine, first offence or not. Most DV cases I deal with are men who've never offended before, but I don't recall any of them getting a fine. From what you've said, he strangled you until you passed out - if that's the evidence thats put before Court then I would be shocked if it stays in the Magistrates Court. My feeling is that it will go to Crown Court as the manner in which he assaulted you would be taken really seriously.

Has he had his first appearance in Court yet? Do you know what he's been charged with (ABH, Common Assault, etc...)?

I understand what you mean about the screens, and your reasons for wanting to face him. But perhaps have them arranged anyway just incase you don't feel up to it on the day. What I find often happens with DV cases is the defendant goes not guilty on the basis that the victim will be to scared to go to Court, and then when the victim does indeed turn up to give evidence then they change their plea. So you may well find that will happen, and you won't have to give evidence.

Jxx

My ex got a fine and an indefinate court order to stay away from me and my son and he admitteed everything from the beatings to smashing my propertyto putting rat poison in my food he smashed my property after the injunction was in place and in my new home -(rehoused from womens refuge), his fine and i remember it, was £1200 fine to me and £300 court charges, this was around 7 years ago was when it finally got to court.

Can you find someone who will go to court with you as moral support - i actually didn't want anyone there and went into work in the morning and went back after the court proceedings was over to keep me busy, but he didn't learn after work i went to the pub next door with my boss to toast it was over and done with(and to calm my nerves abit) when he walks in bold as brass and walks up to me and stated "No hard feelings then, we can still be friends" - i was gobsmacked and i realised at that point he would never leave me alone no matter how many court orders there were in place, so i had to learn to stand up to him and not let him think i was scared of him.

swiss69

I didn't mean to cause offence with my comment I was just saying I personally dont get it.

I do seem to be able to switch love on and off (Perhaps its me thats odd) as I have been hurt twice in my life by people who both now regret the hurt they caused and tried to turn the clock back. Unfortunately for them I have a higher opinion of myself than that and always think that in life another opportunity is around the corner and so it has proven.......For me you should always look forward in life, have belief in yourself and think that your new life in either a month, 3months, 6 months , a year, however long it takes will be a better one than the one you are leaving behind. I am not saying its not hurtful and upsetting because it is but for me the only unconditional love in your life is the love you have for your child. I know that whatever my child does in life I will always love them.

Maybe I am out of order saying this but I really do think that women are much more programmed to feel like a failure if the marriage/relationship is not perfect or if choices they have made go badly wrong and therefore cling to a hope that things will get better. Maybe I am wrong or just dont understand these strong feelings.

No doubt there will be many who disagree with my views but I do hope that you remain strong and things work out for you. For every man who behaves like this there are 99 that dont.

solongmarianne

Janepig wrote: »

Wow, have the Police really told you that? I'm amazed. I would be very surprised if he gets a fine, first offence or not. Most DV cases I deal with are men who've never offended before, but I don't recall any of them getting a fine. From what you've said, he strangled you until you passed out - if that's the evidence thats put before Court then I would be shocked if it stays in the Magistrates Court. My feeling is that it will go to Crown Court as the manner in which he assaulted you would be taken really seriously.

Has he had his first appearance in Court yet? Do you know what he's been charged with (ABH, Common Assault, etc...)?

I understand what you mean about the screens, and your reasons for wanting to face him. But perhaps have them arranged anyway just incase you don't feel up to it on the day. What I find often happens with DV cases is the defendant goes not guilty on the basis that the victim will be to scared to go to Court, and then when the victim does indeed turn up to give evidence then they change their plea. So you may well find that will happen, and you won't have to give evidence.

Jxx

he has been charged

Janepig

solongmarianne wrote: »

he has been charged with actual bodily assault, a woman police officer told me, he has bail which has conditions placed upon him, the police told me he would likely get a fine, and as it was my word against his, cps would have to decide if thre is a case, the police do have a lot of pictures of strangulation marks and numerous bodily bruises on me, I suppose I will have to wait and see what happens. he goes to the magistrate court early dec. I have been told I wont be needed at this hearing so I dont know what it means,x x

I guess the hearing in early December will be his first appearance then - where he'll have to enter a plea. ABH is something that can be sent to the Crown Court and if he's pleading not guilty, the Court have to take the CPS's case at its highest so if the CPS are saying there's evidence of strangulation, etc... and especially if there are photos of the injuries, then as I said, my feeling is it will be deemed too serious for the Magistrates Court and could get sent up to Crown Court. Anyway, you won't be needed until the actual date of the trial, but if you know the date of his Court hearing in early December then there's nothing stopping you going along to see what happens (other than the fact that you probably wouldn't want to).

Mspig, it's only in the last two or three years that the Courts have really started to take DV seriously - they fast track DV cases, special Courts, etc... and do tend to be stricter with the bail conditions. For instance you might get a victim who makes a withdrawal statement, and so the defendant will seek removal of the non-contact bail conditions, but the Court will tend not to do that regardless, until the case is concluded. They will also continue with DV cases even if a withdrawal statement has been made, particularly if the defendant has made admissions in the Police interview, or if there's third party evidence - up until afew years ago the CPS would have dropped the case as soon as the victim withdrew their statement.

I'm still agog at the Police being so negative - yes it's your word against his, backed up by photographic evidence and presumably evidence from the Police who attended the incident?:rolleyes:

Jxx

solongmarianne

thanks for all input so far

Dill

She sounds like a pretty cold and horrible person, marianne.
Stay strong. You know what happened wasn't your fault (and so, I suspect does she!!)

angelfairy

solongmarianne wrote: »

his mother came to the door a while back, I answered it not realising, ( I thought the voice was the police woman from earlier)

she told me that Richard kept on asking her to tell me he is very sorry,and that "the poor boy looks absoloutly dreadfull" well come take a look at my body OMG!!!!:mad: he didnt tell her what he did so I did. and then she asked "so you are sure you are finished then" ??
hmmm let me just think!!!!!
when I said I was scared of him she said men sometimes get angry but dont mean it. then she said the tv he had bought me was technically his....... at this point I closed the door. not once did she flicker when I explained what he did, and to be honest I dont think she believed me, she also didnt believe I had photos taken to prove it. I am shocked at her?!?!?!?! I am so cross at how she has the gall to complain about a tv when he left me for dead. I am off to bed as I am getting more and more upset by this xx

i have read all of this thread, but haven't posted until now.

can i just say that janepig is offering your great advice/insight into the criminal court process.

you say there are bail conditions for him to not contact you. do you know if this condition reads 'not to contact solongmarianne either directly or indirectly'?

if so, he has breached his bail conditions by having his mother comeand see you and say that richard keeps asking her to tell you he is sorry. if this is the case, report the breach to the police. they should act upon it and arrest him for breach of bail and interview him in relation to that allegation. if they deem him to have breached his bail, he will be remanded to be put before the next available court (usually kept overnight in the cells if the interview etc happens late in the day - if it happens early morning a court may accept him that day).

polaroid

solongmarianne wrote: »

his mother came to the door a while back, I answered it not realising, ( I thought the voice was the police woman from earlier)

she told me that Richard kept on asking her to tell me he is very sorry,and that "the poor boy looks absoloutly dreadfull" well come take a look at my body OMG!!!!:mad: he didnt tell her what he did so I did. and then she asked "so you are sure you are finished then" ??
hmmm let me just think!!!!!
when I said I was scared of him she said men sometimes get angry but dont mean it. then she said the tv he had bought me was technically his....... at this point I closed the door. not once did she flicker when I explained what he did, and to be honest I dont think she believed me, she also didnt believe I had photos taken to prove it. I am shocked at her?!?!?!?! I am so cross at how she has the gall to complain about a tv when he left me for dead. I am off to bed as I am getting more and more upset by this xx

i really feel for you with this. my ex's mother was/is exactly the same. complete denial. its horrible because it makes you feel so angry at a time when you just dont need it. I just dont think they can believe their precious son could be like that. it ate me up for a very long time, then i got the chance to write her a letter. i felt such a relief after i had done it. i didnt want to hurt her but i needed her to know the truth.
you are doing great and janepig has posted some great advice. get some rest and stay strong xx

Janepig

angelfairy wrote: »

you say there are bail conditions for him to not contact you. do you know if this condition reads 'not to contact solongmarianne either directly or indirectly'?

if so, he has breached his bail conditions by having his mother comeand see you and say that richard keeps asking her to tell you he is sorry. if this is the case, report the breach to the police. they should act upon it and arrest him for breach of bail and interview him in relation to that allegation. if they deem him to have breached his bail, he will be remanded to be put before the next available court (usually kept overnight in the cells if the interview etc happens late in the day - if it happens early morning a court may accept him that day).

That's exactly right - and if that has happened today then you need to get onto the Police. I'm not sure about Police bail, but Court bail conditions always prohibit contact either in person or through a third party.

Jxx