domestic violence

tara747

Well done, you are very brave. I don't know what else to say. Things will get better.

Keep us posted and stay safe.

(i assume you have changed the locks)

solongmarianne

tara747 wrote: »

Well done, you are very brave. I don't know what else to say. Things will get better.

Keep us posted and stay safe.

(i assume you have changed the locks)

yes that was sorted straight away , have also put locks on the back gate, am having a house alarm fitted too just to be on the safe side, thanks xx

N1SEXYTING

Please make sure you keep yourself safe as this is usually the time that's most dangerous for women when they decide to leave their partner. if he sends you ANY threatening messages or contacts you through other people make sure you keep records and give them to the police as this would all count as evidence that he's breached his bail condition.

also, have you alerted your daughter's school to the situation, i know its delicate but if you can speak to her class teacher or headteacher in case he tries to take her out of school they would know the situation already.

Take good care of you and your daughter, contact Women's aid or Refugee, they'll be able to signpost you to domestic violence agencies in your area

moggylover

Hi, no advice to add that has not already been said - but could not read and run.

I think you are incredibly brave, and I have been there myself so know how difficult it is to make the break (although he never tried to strangle me) from an abusive drunk: mostly because they are not the same when sober.

I hope that everything works out for you. If you have financial problems then I am sure that one of the boards will be able to help you with them - but we are a nice huggy bunch around here so will all be here with words of support in the coming weeks whenever you need them.

Big hugs and keep your chin up: you are worth so much more than that and need to stay certain of that fact in the coming months.

swiss69

Personally I dont think that it is natural to love someone thats tries to kill you as another poster said. I just dont get it at all. If someone tried to kill me then I would stop loving them immediately. In fact if my partner did anything to hurt me I would be the same. Maybe being male we just dont get as attached as women. I have never understood why people who are beaten regularly dont walk away.

Hope you stick with your decision to get rid of him as it could seriously end in tears in you go back on that decision. Violent people never ever change.

The_Teaahloic

I feel so sorry for you , but you have done the right thing . Well done for being so strong. Drink can cause terrible problems with people especially if they turn aggressive when under the influence. You probably remember the way he was when you first met him and thats why you still have feelings for him. My ex punched me in the face and kicked me on one occasion when drunk. When sober (in front of neighbours and friends) he was as nice as pie.
It took great courage for me to kick him out because I was scared of being on my own and did not think I would be able to cope with bills and the mortgage. However it is much easier than you think. You loose confidence being with someone like this but you will come back up again I promise.

Take care, be strong.

Jackie

mspig

I was in your shoes years ago, i met someone i thought was lovely and we had a son together, however when pregnant he started being aggressive and slapped me in the face(this was the first incident), over the next 2 years i was pushed out of a moving car, thrown down stair, poisoned, had a mirror thrown at my head(cutting it open) and numerous beatings but i was too scared to leave as not only had he physically been violent he was emotionally violent aswell(which i thought was worse), but i left him and went back time after time. I did however see sense and throw him out eventually but like you he was cautioned not to come anywhere near me(he too laughed it off and turned up to cause more damage), i got an injunction(it didn't work) he got took back to court three times for breaching the order but he didn't care as he only got fined twice and community service once.

I then had to go to court against him(which i asked the solicitor to get me court order stating that i had to go so i knew i wouldn't back down), luckly he pleaded guilty to everything(from the beatings to smashing my property up), he got fined and an indefinate order that he wasen't allowed to see me or his son ever again or until another court order says so - the order is still inplace 9 years later)

I had years of trouble after splitting from him(even ended up in a refuge) but it was worth it, i met and married a decent man and had two more children, but i tell you something i am a lot stronger in myself now then i ever was back then, and i thought i loved him but looking back i can actually see that it wasen't love just a scaredness of being on my own, as what i have with my OH is love.

solongmarianne

swiss69 wrote: »

Personally I dont think that it is natural to love someone thats tries to kill you as another poster said. I just dont get it at all. If someone tried to kill me then I would stop loving them immediately. In fact if my partner did anything to hurt me I would be the same. Maybe being male we just dont get as attached as women. I have never understood why people who are beaten regularly dont walk away.

Hope you stick with your decision to get rid of him as it could seriously end in tears in you go back on that decision. Violent people never ever change.

I sincerely hope that you are never in a voilent situation like mine, which would test what you have just written. I am sure most people could not just turn on and off feelings, regardless of what has happened. I can easily understand why some women go back again and again.

shazrobo

i was in a violent relationship, many years ago, and put up with it, cos i was scared of being alone, the fact that he started hitting me while i was pregnant should have made me run, unfortunatly it didnt. when i came home from the hospital after having twin sons, things calmed down for a week or two, then started again, still i stayed with him, as i was scared of being on my own with two tiny babies.
the final straw for me came when the babies where 3 months old, and he was violent towards one of them, and fractured babies arm, left him that day, got injuctions etc, and he has never seen his sons since, (13 years)
truth is, it was hard to cope alone, but i managed, and slowly got stronger, and stronger, and would never put up with anything like that again
big hugs
shaz x

Loretta

solongmarianne wrote: »

I sincerely hope that you are never in a voilent situation like mine, which would test what you have just written. I am sure most people could not just turn on and off feelings, regardless of what has happened. I can easily understand why some women go back again and again.

I think the poster was saying he didn't understand what you meant, maybe men think differently about these things. You meant I think that you were still in love with the man you thought he was and don't want to let go of your dreams for the future that you had and probably still cannot believe what happened, it was only a couple of days ago.

You will work through this, the fact that for you it was 'one strike and he's out' shows how strong you are and so confident that you know you do not have to accept and you do not deserve this behaviour

Good luck