Step parenting and Student son moving out....advice appreciated

Rikki

poet123 wrote: »

Another son lived in student digs and one of his flatmates mothers used to go round every week and clean for the 5 of them!:eek: she really had her work cut out. The kitchen floor was so sticky,your feet had to be wrenched up. I preferred to give a financial contribution:rotfl:

I'm not doing either does that make me a bad parent? :rotfl:

poet123

Rikki wrote: »

I'm not doing either does that make me a bad parent? :rotfl:

Absolutely:rotfl: join the club:D a parent is always in the wrong,goes with the territory.

Steph998

conradmum wrote: »

Steph I'm really sorry because I'm likely to offend you again and that really isn't my intention, because it's easy to tell from your posts that you're a lovely person.

ABSOLUTELY no offence taken.... ever.


But....has it occurred to you that Dan's situation isn't caused by you marrying your husband, but by Dan's behaviour? This is the boy who wrecked not only the car he was driving but that of the unfortunate soul that he crashed into, due to reckless speeding, then one week later wrote off your brand new family car while he was out drunk driving?


Wholeheartedly agreed. He is a little shi*te, and the way I feel tonight, if he was in front of me, I would slap him until his face looked like half cooked mince.



He also seems to have been quite difficult to live with too, staying out late and getting drunk etc? Forgive me if I'm wrong but this is the impression I get from earlier things you've said about his and your husband's relationship being stormy.


Again, agreed. But....I never blamed OH for the whole situation. I sort of sided with Dan, because I was also a bit of an 'angsty' teenager in my youth,...which OH never was....so I could understand that getting pis*sed now and again was not the hanging offence OH made it out to be.



You seem to want to take the blame for everything, marrying your husband, their currently bad relationship, Dan's bad behaviour and having to move out etc. etc. From an objective perspective, it seems to me that Dan was going seriously off the rails and your husband decided that he needed a dose of reality to buck his ideas up. Seems completely reasonable to me.

Agreed. After ruminating on this thread..... I think perhaps I am bit of a nightmare mother. Not to mention nightmare wife of step parent.

Poor OH. So why do I want to take the blame for Dan in every situation? (Chew his food? Lol) I don't want to be like this, and I wish I didn't care so much.



I really don't see how you're to blame for any of it. You married someone who has provided well for his family. He may have been a strict parent, but was he ever unfair or abusive? If not, then strict parenting is nothing to be ashamed of. Dan's going off the rails is probably nothing to do with his upbringing. Lots of teenagers go through a really difficult ride and all that parents can do is hope that they come out the other side unharmed.

*Sigh*. Agreed.

Please, please, please stop feeling sorry for Dan and stop blaming yourself for his current situation.[/quote]



Thank you, thank you thank you.

Steph998

I just went thorough and smacked a massive kiss on the face of my (totally perplexed) OH.

Boy, does he think his luck is in tonight.

How can I thank you all on this thread for making me wake up to my situation? If I was to name names, I would be here all night.

Suffice to say that you have all helped me to see that my darling son is not the 'be all and end all'....in fact, he is darned lucky to have parents like he does...living in his own flat....and 'strict' does not always mean devoid of love.

So seriously, big kisses from me.

And to top it all, the dog just showed her appreciation of my happiness...again.

Who's idea was it to give her the kipper skin this morning?

:rotfl:

belfastgirl23

Rikki wrote: »

I'm sure there are a few parents on here that would offer one of theirs for adoption or a least a long holiday with you. :cool:

DSIL offers every time I see her luckily DH has a rule that no one who isn't of legal drinking age can stay with us!

belfastgirl23

Actually this is all really funny though, I remember now being a student and living in unheated flats through the winter, never ever hoovering or washing the floor, washing sheets once a month whether they needed it or not :eek: I was one of the fortunate few who really didn't notice that bathrooms needed cleaned till I was about 25 :rolleyes: how I didn't end up with some kind of terrible disease I'll never know. And I'm now perfectly respectable. So there is hope for Dan yet! Unfortunately you can't do it for him, you'll just have to hang on in there till he figures it out for himself!

Margaret54

Hi Steph, lots of very good posts here and can't really add anything to them, but please don't feel guilty love. I am a Mum of 5 boys and one daughter and they are all adults now but I really can understand exactly how you have been feeling as my Husband is wonderful and hard working and he was a very brave man to take us all on and we are so happy, but he too has gone through similar stuff with his stepson from his first marriage and I had to explain to him that he had to stop putting his hands in his pocket and let the fella stand on his own 2 feet and work for once in his life. He felt so guilty at the time as the lad always cried for this and that and my hubby bless him bought him what he wanted afraid to say no to him. When we met and got together he realised he was not doing the right thing and after a while the lad saw he was not going to be able to get everything his way anymore. He does not like me as he sees me as the one who stopped it all, but it was just that my hubby saw sense one day. The lad is in his early 30's now and he is never in touch at all and would not ring his stepdad to ask him how he is, and my hubby said it is a true thing that he only wanted him for what he could get from him, very lazy did not wotk always looking for money and a helping hand drinking and partying, My hubby is a hard working lovely man and all my children love him to bits, and they all work very hard too, and ask for nothing, but there have been times when a couple of the lads got angry at a certain age, plenty of male hormones floating about:) and a few rows trying to assert themselves but all normal. Your son will get by and just you and your lovely husband enjoy life together, and I wish you all the very best Margaret xx Sorry for such a long post