Friend borrowed 6k-not paid back...

skintandscared_2

Seriously - if he was any kind of "mate" your husband wouldn't have to ask!!

redrabbit29

I find it really strange how your husband doesn't want to ask a mate. Yea, it's not an ideal situation, but it's £6000. That's a hell of a lot of money.

I would personally be offended if my friend made no effort, and gave no explanation about the delay in repaying it. Your husband has a vested interest in this guys finances, and is entitled to his money (plus interest!).

Jesthar

Sheesh! :eek: I've lent a reasonable amount of money to a friend in the past, and she was always mentioning it and reassuring me she'd pay it back as soon as she had the means - and she did!

I'd suggest sending a mildly panicky sounding e-mail to your 'friend', saying you're having some financial worries and could really use for him to start paying the debt back. If he doesn't know about having mention having to take out a loan to be able to lend it to him in the first place, now might be a good time to absent-mindedly refer to that, or maybe save that for round two if the first e-mail doesn't get any action...

Either that, or ask how he can be thinking about spending that find of money on a horse when he still owes you money. Oh, and his wife shouldn't be BUYING a horse if she doesn't even know how to ride yet - she should have lessons and learn the basics of how to look after one first. If she's not planning on doing that, then not only does she risk getting an animal she can't cope with and can't care for, but they can obviously afford to pay for full time livery, which is NOT cheap.

Did you get ANYTHING in writing or e-mail about the loan of this money in the first place? Either which way, though, I'd certainly be asking for him to start paying you back! :mad:

~Jes

Skintmama

schoolrunmum wrote: »

He's in the Middle East- I only have email for him. I think he thought we kinda had the cash lying around spare, which we didn't..but my husband didn't tell him that. Now he's back on his feet (and buying horses!) it's starting to p*ss me off that he still owes and it's never mentioned. My husband doesn't want to have to ask a mate to repay a debt, and I don't want to upset my husband by getting involved! Christ-never lend money to a mate!

I can see it is difficult if he is your husband's friend rather than yours and now understand why it has been left so long. If your husband would rather not ask and won't let you either, then he must consider how it affects his friendship and whether he can actually afford to write off a £6000 debt. Hopefully you and your husband can keep things amicable between you both, as letting it come between you, might be the highest price to pay for having helped his mate out. Sometimes we have to unfortunately just put things down to experience:(

Best of luck with it anyway!

Idiophreak

Sorry to say it, if he's a good enough mate to lend 6k, he's a good enough mate to talk to about it.

There's no "big deal" here, yet...You send him an email saying "see you're doing better now...have you given any thought to repaying our cash?" and take it from there.

If he turns around and says "I'm not paying you"....*then* you have a problem..but it's not a problem just to have a frank exchange about the state of play. If I lend my mates a fiver I never let them forget it

Ames

I just wanted to point out that it's not a £6k debt, there'll be all the interest you've paid as well since it was on credit cards.

Idiophreak

Ames wrote: »

I just wanted to point out that it's not a £6k debt, there'll be all the interest you've paid as well since it was on credit cards.

To be fair, if I borrow money from someone, I expect the terms to be laid out up front. If I say "can I borrow 6k please" and they turn around and say "sure", then I'll assume I'm paying back 6k (and a bottle of something, probably ). If they say "yeah, but we're taking it out on card, so you'll need to cover the interest too" then that's fair enough.

But if the guy didn't know they were borrowing the money, I guess the interest is the price the OP's OH has to pay for looking flash to his mate...

ajaney

schoolrunmum wrote: »

He's in the Middle East- I only have email for him. I think he thought we kinda had the cash lying around spare, which we didn't..but my husband didn't tell him that. Now he's back on his feet (and buying horses!) it's starting to p*ss me off that he still owes and it's never mentioned. My husband doesn't want to have to ask a mate to repay a debt, and I don't want to upset my husband by getting involved! Christ-never lend money to a mate!

After 4 years, I think your Husband should see by now that this friend is not going to pay it back without being asked!

First things first, does your husband know that you have seen this email saying how well his mate is doing? If so, I would say something along the lines of 'Now XXX is doing so well, do you think we should ask him for the 6k back as with the credit squeeze, it is going to get harder to source the 0% cards'.
I presume you have been making the minimum payments on the card? If yes & your husband does not know you have seen the email, bring it up along the lines of 'I wonder how XXX is doing as we could do without having to find £-- per month for this card'

It is nrmally best with men (no offence intended to DFW menfolk!) to make them think they are in charge & it was their idea in the first place. back 'em into a corner & they become as stubborn as mules!

If the above doesn't work then you should either tell your husband it is upsetting you or ask for the moeny yourself regardless of hubby. Keep all correspondence written as even if he writes back & says 'I can't afford to pay you back' you have evidence that there was some agreement between you about repaying this money.

Either way, this mate needs to pay you back!

hayley11

This sounds like an awkward situation, he might be thinking because you haven't asked for it back by now you don't actually need it. You really do need to do something, like somebody said, think of all the interest you're paying.

My mum lent my aunt £10k about 10 years ago, they had an arrangement to pay so much back a month and she did and then she split up from her partner, sold the house they'd bought using the money my mum lent and then just totally stopped paying my mum back. They didn't talk for a few years but now they do. I haven't spoken to her since though, my mum is still being hassled for this money and I don't know how my aunt could do that to her own sister.

Good luck and I hope you get your money back

Jenny2008

Jesthar wrote: »

I'd suggest sending a mildly panicky sounding e-mail to your 'friend', saying you're having some financial worries and could really use for him to start paying the debt back. If he doesn't know about having mention having to take out a loan to be able to lend it to him in the first place, now might be a good time to absent-mindedly refer to that, or maybe save that for round two if the first e-mail doesn't get any action...

I think this is a very good idea.

I can understand the reluctance to ask for the money back - I'm just the same! I have this terribly polite, reserved personality that just dreads things like that. I get on my own nerves with it, but there you go, you can't help your personality!

But others are right - it's not just a tenner you and your husband are owed - it's £6k - with interest I presume? That's an awful lot of money to be polite over.

There's absolutely no reason why this has to get in any way confrontational. My suggestion would be a polite email along the lines of 'great to hear you and wife are getting back on your feet financially - things must be going well if you are considering buying a horse!' I would follow Jesthar's advice and say you and husband could really do with the loan back now - tell your friend that you borrowed the money for him on a credit card and that you're struggling with the interest as it's building up.

To give your friend the benefit of the doubt, he may genuinely have forgotten, or he may think that you are really ok for money and don't mind waiting for years for it back, or he may even think it a written off gift. You really do have to put him straight. Maybe in your email suggest a repayment plan - suggest, say £200 a month or something. You have been MORE than generous. Try to reel in that polite reserved side and ask for your money back!