Friend borrowed 6k-not paid back...

x_raphael_xx

schoolrunmum wrote: »

I think he is avoiding the issue as he must have picked up his emails in the last fortnight...another one on the way I think....

Set your e-mails to always request a read-receipt (if you haven't already) that way you'll know when he opens them.

seven-day-weekend

Why do your husband's friends keep asking him for money?

I have a couple of friends who are very well-off by our standards. I would never DREAM of asking them for money. It is not their job to subsidise me.

I don't think you will ever get it back, sorry. And certainly don't dish out any more to anyone else (unless you intend it to be a gift).

Gloomy_Past_Bright_Future

Do you know where either of them work?

I would send a letter to them at work DO NOT mark it private and confidential, but start the letter by saying, sorry you had to send it to work, but as you didn't know where they were living or responding to emails, you had no choice.

Then sit back and sincerely hope that the work mail is opened by the biggest gossip receptionist/admin person around!!

My guess then is he will contact you, as I am sure he is playing the big "I am rich" card at work!, and he will want the matter kept out of work.

Good Luck

Idiophreak

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I have a couple of friends who are very well-off by our standards. I would never DREAM of asking them for money. It is not their job to subsidise me.

Friends' job is kinda to help out their mates when they can.

Personally, I've leant my friends money when I've had it and they haven't, they've leant money to me when things have swung the other way. If you can't trust your friends, it's a sad state of affairs all round, really.

x_raphael_xx

Idiophreak wrote: »

Friends' job is kinda to help out their mates when they can.

There's helping out mates, then there's loaning out £6000 you don't have and have to get credit to give.

I've both loaned off a friend and loaned to a different friend.
When I borrowed money from my friend it played on my mind 24-7 and I couldn't not pay it back! I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I was very grateful and paid it all back at the first opportunity.
Then I loaned to someone who I thought was a friend, who hasn't contacted me for over a year, and who still owes me £170. It's the principle that irks me more, rather than the amount of money.

I would still loan money out if needed, but I'm a bit more cautious about to who I loan it to.

Idiophreak

x_raphael_xx wrote: »

There's helping out mates, then there's loaning out £6000 you don't have and have to get credit to give.

I've both loaned off a friend and loaned to a different friend.
When I borrowed money from my friend it played on my mind 24-7 and I couldn't not pay it back! I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I was very grateful and paid it all back at the first opportunity.
Then I loaned to someone who I thought was a friend, who hasn't contacted me for over a year, and who still owes me £170. It's the principle that irks me more, rather than the amount of money.

I would still loan money out if needed, but I'm a bit more cautious about to who I loan it to.

I guess it's one of those things that you never think's gonna happen to you, a friend not paying you back. Must be really upsetting. Have to try and cover your back on these things, though - I wouldn't loan money that I couldn't afford to lose, I wouldn't loan to any but my best of friends and I wouldn't ever make out I had more money than I do - I guess by being sensible about things, you limit your risk somewhat.

schoolrunmum

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Why do your husband's friends keep asking him for money?

I have a couple of friends who are very well-off by our standards. I would never DREAM of asking them for money. It is not their job to subsidise me.

I don't think you will ever get it back, sorry. And certainly don't dish out any more to anyone else (unless you intend it to be a gift).

Because he moved away from the semi-slum area they all grew up in , worked really hard and got his dream job and a cracking salary to match. They are mostly still struggling to make ends meet. Please don't think of my DH as a soft touch- he's just generous to a fault, and feels if he can help out, he ought to..which I think is commendable. At least we won't have to borrow to loan this time!

BlondeHeadOn

schoolrunmum wrote: »

Because he moved away from the semi-slum area they all grew up in , worked really hard and got his dream job and a cracking salary to match. They are mostly still struggling to make ends meet. Please don't think of my DH as a soft touch- he's just generous to a fault, and feels if he can help out, he ought to..which I think is commendable. At least we won't have to borrow to loan this time!

:eek:

I would have thought now is the perfect time to break this "I'm a soft touch, sponge off me" cycle your OH seems to have got himself (and you) into. (Sorry to be blunt, but that's how it read to me).

It's a credit crunch - anyone who asks for money can be told "Sorry, but we're struggling a bit too now - this recession is really starting to worry us" or something similar. Then tell them the link to this site .

Honestly, I sympathise, because I was 'sponged off' for years by family and friends - often when I didn't have the money myself and had to get the 0% loan as well. Been there, done it, got the t-shirt etc. I hated turning people down who were (or said they were) in need.

But now, after hearing every excuse under the sun as to why they couldn't pay me back, I have stopped lending money to anyone. It's not worth losing friends and family over. That's more likely to happen if you do lend it then if you don't.

seven-day-weekend

schoolrunmum wrote: »

Because he moved away from the semi-slum area they all grew up in , worked really hard and got his dream job and a cracking salary to match. They are mostly still struggling to make ends meet. Please don't think of my DH as a soft touch- he's just generous to a fault, and feels if he can help out, he ought to..which I think is commendable. At least we won't have to borrow to loan this time!

I wasn't thinking of him as a soft touch, far from it.

I was thinking of him as a kind-hearted and generous man who keeps getting taken advantage of by his so-called 'friends' who in reality are exploiting his hard work and dedication and think he somehow owes them a living.

Like your husband, my husband also worked hard and got away from the sink estate he grew up on.

His friends could always do the same instead of pleading poverty to someone who has had the vision and determination to do it.

Sorry, I don't think they are acting like friends really.

seven-day-weekend

Idiophreak wrote: »

Friends' job is kinda to help out their mates when they can.

Personally, I've leant my friends money when I've had it and they haven't, they've leant money to me when things have swung the other way. If you can't trust your friends, it's a sad state of affairs all round, really.

A friend's job is of course to help their friends out if they can and we have done so on several occasions.

It is NOT a friend's job to subsidise spongers who are jealous of the position in life he has got himself into through hard work and dedication and want some of the perks with none of the responsibilities.

This is what I see happening here.