Serious problems with child behaviour

shazrobo

ADHD, is a mental health disability. I have twin sons with the condition, my boys do not roam the streets, they need constant supervision, they do go to special schools, where they can receive the care that suits there needs, they are overall very well behaved kids, polite, well mannered, am often told by others, like a lady in the supermarket, who was struggling so my son helped her, another time one son found a pound coin on the floor while we were queueing in the shops, and politetly asked everyone in the queue who had dropped it, these are not the actions of out of control kids.
on the other side my sons do have anger issues, and when they are badly behaved, they do not know when to stop, typical adhd.
so people who know nothing about the condition, kindly go away.

Reggie_Rebel

k8ty wrote: »

This is a 'normal' seven year old. Most, if not all do it. Children today are not as well behaved or respectful as years gone by nut they are more happy, free and better educated.
I know its hard but if you think one seven year old is hard just think what it will be like in seven years with a seven and fourteen year old!!!

This is definitely NOT a normal seven year old.

Couple of things since I last posted. You say he goes to karate twice a week. Do you stay and watch the lessons, if not why not? If so how is his behaviour there, martial arts classes are usually very disciplined with high standards of behaviour expected.

Secondly someone posted about getting him to join a football club. I coach Under 8's and that sort of behaviour would see him being asked to leave. However if it is an area he wants to explore then it could be the chance to need an agreement. Misbehave at home in the week, no football at the weekend.

I may be wrong but reading your posts and replies I am coming to the conclusion that move you and his mum are too weak and he is in charge in your house.

Debt_Free_Chick

fsdss wrote: »

fairmorn

i am employed as a behaviour expert for children (3-17yrs)

I was about to post but thought I'd skim through first .... I was going to suggest to Fairmorn they consider finding a behavioural therapist that specifically works with children. Some CBT-type work might help here. It seems to me that the kid is expressing his feelings, but unable to articulate them.

Would it be worth just finding someone and paying them - GP referrals take ages and the cost is not as great as some might imagine (I had CBT for 12 months and it only cost £30 an hour). You can find therapists specialising in child issues on the BACP website.

Should Fairmorn consider this, if the cost is affordable?

webitha

OP your SS sounds similar to my DS but he started at a younger age, being suspended for violence at the age of 6yr, he has been diagnosed as ADHD with Autistic Tendencies, and i also advocate fresh air plenty of water and milk and no tv in his room, plenty of descriptive praise, punishment for bad behaviour,if i tried to ignore the bad behaviour he would turn feral lol,
then i found EYE Q and wow after 3/4 months he has calmed right down not lashed out for ages, he is like a different child, dont get me wrong he stilll has his "bad days" but nowhere near as bad nor as often as he did, he is like a "normal" 9yr old funny cheeky, not abusive cheeky, and i love doing stuff with him, it is hard to want to spend time with him when he is bad, but perserverance is the key

suep

I've read this thread with tears in my eyes. My ds was seeing a child psycologist at 6 because of his behaviour, at home and school he became so uncontrollable that at 11 he was sent to a Bording school for boys with emotional and behavioural problems, when the school shut 18 months later he was sent to a similar day school where he got into a gang and was constantly in and out of trouble with the police, at 15 he was in a secure unit and dx with adhd plus a few other disorders. He doesnt come from a broken home and me and my husband are not junkies or alcoholics, our other 2 children were no trouble at all and they were all brought up the same.
He is now 26 now and an alcoholic, he cant hold a job down. Back then kids like him were just shoved in these special schools and not given any help, the parents weren't given any support either. Im so glad that things have changed for these kids now, I just wish that my ds had had this help when he was younger.
sue

clairehi

Sue, what a brave message I am so sorry for you and your DS...
God I am fed up with the holier than thou postings and petty disputes along the lines of "it werent like that in my day" on this board.

When you have a 7 year old pulling a knife on his mother, you need help immediately. On a practical note, the school may be able to access more help for the OPs child from the LEA educational psychologist. Also, the Pupil Referral Unit (where children excluded from school are sent) in our area has an outreach team who come into school and work 1-2-1 with children at risk of being excluded to try and help them manage their behaviour before they get to that stage.

I suggest you speak to the school special needs co-ordinator to find out if they have looked into this. As he has already got a support worker I assume he must have been "statemented" already?

I am sorry to hear that people have not been able to get GP referrals to CAMHS. We had to wait four months for our DS age 6 to get a referral and we had first appt in July. so the situation may vary between areas and always worth asking.

I agree with Gingham Ribbon I think that setting rules are not always the answer - an angry child can just become defiant and challenge you to constantly up the ante. when they are in a rage, reason goes out the window and they dont care what punishment/privilege they lose. you need to try and understand why he gets so angry and then maybe treat the problem not just the symptoms ie the bad behaviour.

fsdss

fairmorn

just a thought - the government have been ploughing money on parenting / behaviour management with children. ring th school nurse or social services to see if there is anything available in your area - failing that if you tell me the area in which you live (county), i might be able to find you an organisation that we're affiliated with (all free btw) and i'll give you tips on how to prioritise that referral, making sure that you are seen much quicker than the normal wait.

wammy77

My son has problems at school as he has Aspergers but i had the same issues with waiting for help - the one phone call I made to my local children's services was the one which has really made the most difference. They arranged for their EP to get in touch with us and the school which has been a big help. Also go to your GP and ask for a referral to the CAMHS service - not all GPs will do this and a lot of the time CAMHS will bounce it back to your GP but it's worth a go. We also saw the community peads consultant who was helpful in diagnosing my son.

It can be terribly hard work to deal with a child when you feel Like nothing you do makes a difference but a child who behaves like this CAN be managed it's just a case of finding what works for you and him (easy to say i know, but i've done it myself). Consistency and patience with trying new strategies is key. You both need to be singing from the same songsheet so to speak, and always remember that when you try a new tactic i.e. reward chart you need to give it time to see if it works........ and sometimes the behavior will get worse before it gets better. Kids will test you to see what they can get away with.

If all else fails take time out when things are getting bad - even just 10 minutes to yourself somewhere quiet (I usually go into the garden!!) to calm down and re-group.

I hope things start to get better for you all

xxx

Savvy_Sue

GOING OFF-TOPIC

Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: While it’s easy to wander off-topic that often prevents newbies finding the information they want quickly and easily (please see this rule). Please keep this thread on topic. If you’d like to discuss non-MoneySaving related topics please continue your discussion in The MoneySavers Arms or Discussion Time. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="%20abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]abuse@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL].

And yes, some posts have been deleted.