Serious problems with child behaviour

Lunar_Eclipse

andyrules wrote: »

I agree entirely. We don't know why/how long/other details of his mum being a single parent, but I'm willing to bet that this child is crying out for consistency, boundaries, and affirmation that his mum (and you) will not leave him, however bad he is. The baby is a threat to the security that he has, can you be sure that he didn't suspect before you told him? Children hear much more than we realise. He seems to have become attached to you and you should take care to reassure him constantly and be ultra firm with boundaries - if you say it, do it. Don't let him see he comes between you - show him how strong you are as a team and that he is protected by this strength.

Without knowing the background, I am second guessing a lot here and can't really make any other conclusions.

However, the comments you made about him not being bothered about friends really concerns me. I'm also concerned about the attitude of his 'support worker'.

edit - whilst I'm not a fan of TV in a child's room at this age, I would be careful of sweeping changes that he sees as 'negative' for him. Perhaps a 'gaming/DVD TV', that can't get any channels? Then you have the control.

I agree with all of this.

I don't support the heavy handed approach as recommended by other posters, not least of which because you have done it for months and it hasn't worked.

This child is calling out for attention and love. It sounds like he feels threatened (by baby), insecure and is angry - he is extremely angry with his mother IMO and she is the only one who can turn this around, albeit with your help. And then as he feels better about himself, he will gain friends too.

Also ensure he is getting a filling and nutritous diet and plenty of sleep. My daughter can be a nightmare without sufficient food or sleep. And at least two hours of exercise/fresh air a day. And ideally no TV. If you don't do it already, I would suggest Mum spends at least half an hour at bedtime reading to him. There are many advantages of doing this.

Apart from the knife incident, I'm sorry to say that this all sounds very normal. But gaining respect from children does not automatically come by controlling them in an authoritarian manner. Whilst this 'works' in some families, some always resist it. I also know some children who appear highly compliant to this parental approach, but it very rarely pays off in the long term IMO (at least not for the type of relationship I would like with my children when they are adults. )

It's all a phase and it will get better. But remember that you are the adult/s so need to keep your cool at all times (costs!)

Mely

FSDSS....Well i seemed to have the same classmates all through primary school. I dont remember any being thrown out and put into special schools at all. Some of my classmates im still in touch with still, in fact.:D I remember this happening to one boy in secondary school only.:rolleyes: Just goes to show how much childrens behaviour these days has deteriorated.:eek:

blue_monkey_2

fsdss wrote: »

in your day -(probably) all the "naughty" children would have been kicked out of school and sent onto a special school for children with behavioural problems.

nowadays there are laws which state that all children should be respected and treated fairly - hence the increase of supportive help in school and also the access to a mainstream school

LOL, yes, what she/he said - but I was getting more emotional about it. And I had to cross some out!!

i've not got anything done tonight now!! :rotfl:

blue_monkey_2

twinklyspecialkag wrote: »

Hi, really sorry to hear that your in such a tough situation.

Im not sure from the thread if you've done this already (sorry if i missed it!!) but the first step it to talk to your GP about getting him referred to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service)for a psychological assessment. From there they will be able to offer you appropriate support. If your stuck on the waiting list then keep calling CAMHS and your GP to stress how desperate the situation is. Stress the risk to your partner & the baby. Its sad but the higher the risk the quicker he will get an appointment.

Good Luck!!

No I am sorry bt it does not work like this. I've explained already, they are cutting back on the services CAMHS offer and they will not see children unless they have been excluded from school or have been in trouble with the police. I've been told I can 'get in the queue' by going to a parenting class so I am. My son has been referred to CAMHS by 4 different doctors - that is from the surgery, paediatricians from hospital and consultants - and CAMHS will still not see him. They will not help until the situation is well out of control so please do not tell the OP he can expect this, as he cannot.

As I said, Governement cutbacks - probably to pay for Mr Browns impending retirement fund - but who knows. I just did not want the OP to have his hopes raised about calling the docs and going to CAMHS as it is not that easy.

There is a thread on ASD/Aspergers on this board, all of these children have been waiting to see CAMHS or have behaviour problems, go have a read and see how easy it is to get diagnosed or to see CAMHS and you will realise the problems that those of us dealing with children who have mental health issues are facing these days.

blue_monkey_2

Mely wrote: »

FSDSS....Well i seemed to have the same classmates all through primary school. I dont remember any being thrown out and put into special schools at all. Some of my classmates im still in touch with still, in fact.:D I remember this happening to one boy in secondary school only.:rolleyes: Just goes to show how much childrens behaviour these days has deteriorated.:eek:

No it does not, it goes to show how many of these children were 'hidden' in your days. Did you know of any special schools in your area? Had you known of the children who were sent to these schools you would realise that there was a lot of them and a lot of them had minor problems. You would not remember children you were at Nursery with that had problems, or those that went to different schools at the age of 5 or 6 - even my daughter cannot remember half of the kids she went to school with last year and she is rising 6. Most of these children were put into the special schools when it was realised they were going to be a problem so they did not mix with and disrupt the 'normal' kids.

However, the lack of discipline being dished out by adults is as much the problem as it is the kids. The kids are taking advantage of the situation because the teachers cannot do anything.

I was not naughty at school else the head would have given us the cane across the hands. Bring back the cane I say!!

milliejo

I totally agree with what everyone has been saying about exercise , routine, food & no tv in the room & lots of love & reassurance needed. Also I would be careful with the computer/any playstation type games & probably ban those as well no matter what the classification. Our 9 year old can become very aggressive after playing some and the age classification doesnt seem to mean a thing - one of the worst says it is suitable for 3+

Mely

Blue_Monkey.... theres always been a 'handicapped' school in the area. It only seems to me that i hear of 'problem' children going to it these days. No one i knew of went to it when we were children and i knew most of them in the area.

N71

I'm with Mely on this one.

When I was a child, a relative of mine worked at one of these 'special' schools. The had about 25 'maladjusted' boys in the 70's and 80's - 98% of which were from broken homes or whose parents were the 80's plague of drug addiction!!
As well as the 'maladjusted' children, there were also some genuinely disabled children which I suppose they didn't know what else to do with.

Now, 20/30 years later, that school is still there, but now with approx 75 girls and boys, 98% with adhd - still from the same broken families/foster families/childrens homes etc.

The difference is that the real disabled children are now being catered for in other specialist schools.

Yes, there were naughty kids when I was at school, but they got the cane and were scared of authority. Now if someone is naughty, we worry about their human rights and get them a prescription of ritalin!

Mely

N71 ...Your spot on!:T :T :T :beer:

welshgirl78

Mely wrote: »

FSDSS....Well i seemed to have the same classmates all through primary school. I dont remember any being thrown out and put into special schools at all. Some of my classmates im still in touch with still, in fact.:D I remember this happening to one boy in secondary school only.:rolleyes: Just goes to show how much childrens behaviour these days has deteriorated.:eek:

I wish I could ignore these comments as others appear to be rising above... but I can't.

I assume you must have perfect children who push no boundaries because otherwise how can you justify this holier than thou appearance? Or do you have no children but are readily prescribing a perfect upbringing with no knowledge of what that actually involves?

I am a Secondary school maths teacher and all of my day to day admin is filled with "problem" cases - mental or behavioral. However I am insulted by your suggestions, do you know factually that people are now "pretending" to have problems, I feel truely outraged that you are unaware of all the hidden children there were in Special Schools - and you still feel justified to comment

95% of the issues I have are fully supported by parents and I believe most people are working together to give every child their potential. It makes me so mad to see people looking in with their opinions - look after a "challenging child" or spend a day in a school and I assure you life is not so black and white... OP and anyone bothering to start a thread obviously care a lot... what right do people have to shoot their concerns away?

Sorry about the rant and it obviously doesn't apply to most here... BUT OMG it makes me mad - try living in peoples shoes before judging them sooooooooo much!