Serious problems with child behaviour

McKneff

Consistency, consistency consistency, never give up.
He's wanting attention which is normal, but the only way he can get it is by acting up, hence he gets the attention, any is better than none

Try playing games with him on a one to one, take him to the park as a family,
always praise him when he does something good. good luck

Gingham_Ribbon

Things seem to have got very bad if he's already violent at this age, so it seems appropriate to get some expert help. But some things I've thought of:

Does he know that his mum loves him unconditionally and will never leave him? I'm asking because his dad is presumably not around (or not around often) so there may be some issues to resolve there?

Does he get enough exercise? Do he and his mum do plenty together?

His mum needs to set clear boundaries and once they've been made clear, stick to them. If giving the benefit of the doubt means letting him away with things he's been told he must not do, then he'll continue to behave badly because he gets away with it. So yes, consistency is the key but with lots of love.

A child acting out repeatedly is doing it for a reason and that reason can be that they're hurting.

mrcow

The other thing is (and sorry to get personal) but where is he learning to be violent and shout and swear from?

If you swear and shout or are violent around him, or expose him to such behaviour via tv/video games etc, then don't expect any less than him to do it right back at you.

Kids follow what they learn, and they mainly learn it from their parents. If you want your child to be well behaved, polite, not to swear, not threaten violence, show consideration, have nice manners, work hard, then you have to lead by example.

Often they are only copying what they see/experience each and every day.

Gingham_Ribbon

fairmorn308 wrote: »

Thing is we had about 3 good weeks before i went back to work after the summer holidays and he was getting good school reports and behaviour at home was normal for a 7 yr old. we got him a new chart etc but the minute i went back to work everything changed.

I meant to add, do you feel that he was happy to have you around full time? Was he upset that you weren't around as much suddenly? It sounds dramatic, but it's just a thought.

shazrobo

maybe the child has ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder, the school, should be pushing for more specialist help

Dill

I'm not an expert by any means but a seven-year-old pulling a knife on his mother:eek: , punching her in the stomach, and all the other things you've mentioned doesn't sound to me like just normal naughtiness and attention-seeking.

As others have suggested, has he learned this behaviour from someone or somewhere?

I think you need to involve expert help here, even if there's a 4-month waiting list. Would social services be able to help? I'm thinking perhaps they can assess his behaviour, or at least be able to point you in the right direction.

Good luck in dealing with this, sounds like a horrible situation!

liney

Edited: I missed the knife part - seek professional help. Now. Before the baby comes and possibly ends up a target for his jelousy.

fairmorn308

there is alot of problems. We have tryed the totaly strict approach and it went on for weeks and he got completely nothing and it doesnt bother him at all. He knows how it works. if he is bad he gets nothing and if he is good he gets rewarded for it. The thing is he doesnt even get any pocket money and hasnt for the last 5 months cause he isnt bothered about it at all.

He doesnt have hardly any friends at school due to his behaviour to them. but the ones he does hang about with have learning problems and he has it in his head they get away with being silly and always making silly sounds then its ok for him.

What makes it worse is he knows when he is being bad but doesnt no when to stop cause after he has been given time to calm down he will come thru and say sorry and talk about what happened etc and he will agree to not let it happen again. But today was the final straw as we both said 2 him that him coming thru and saying sorry means nothng to me no more as he keeps doing it day in day out.

He is great when its you and him in the house or something and once someone else comes in its like a bomb goes off. bang starts messing about and with the back chat and being cheeky.

Whats making it worse is its causing arguments between me and his mum and he loves it tho cause he turns round and says am not listening to u i only do what my mum says. and he gets punished for it but he cant see if a adult tells him to do something he just does it without the cheek and backchat.

The school are well aware of the problem he has a support worker there and the other week she told him if he doesnt behave while with her she wasnt seeing him the following week.

Another thing aswell he keeps coming out with is that he wants me out his life and wants his mum to himself but then with the next 2 hours he is wanting me to play with him and telling me he loves me.

Its very hard to ignore it and stay calm when u have a 7 yr old that will not shut up and continue with back chat and cheek even when u try to ignore it.

Rikki

mrcow wrote: »

I'm sorry but Id have absolute zero tolerance with this. He is old enough to know better. I keep saying this on these boards, but it's all about control. He is controlling you and his mother and you need to switch this round.

You make up the rules. You have control over what he eats, whether he can see the tv, what toys are allowed, whether he's allowed to play with friends on not. You need to start flexing your parenting muscles and not let him get away with anything.You need to start at the basics. Set the rules out clearly for him and tell him what his punishments will be if he doesn't comply. And stick to it.

It is hard work. You can't let it skip a moment, but that's what it's all about. Letting him know that you expect good behaviour and that you'll settle for nothing less.

Whether you think his diet is affecting him or not, it certinaly can't help if he's eating rubbish. Cut out all junk and additives. Stop all sweets and chocolate. Don't let him have any puddings or desserts unless he has behaved particularly well ......icecream can be a big trigger for some kids so avoid this too.

As for the school, well how do they want to deal with it? Whatever they are doing, then you need to give them your support and back up. I'm telling you, he is not going to have a single friend by the time he's 11 if he carries on this way. Who would want to be friends with someone like this?

Forget confiscating his toys, if he was as naughty as you're saying, they'd be straight in the bin! If he's being rude to relatives, then he wouldn't be allowed out either. If he's being violent, then he's grounded completely and can stay in his room. He doesn't get attention for bad behaviour and no one shouts back or engages in argument with him either. He's a child, he does not argue or threaten adults!

If he ever pulls a knife on you again.Call the police. He could probably do with having a word with them anyway! He needs to learn his lessons quickly and vividly.

I totally agree. :T

I am one tough Mother but my children know how to act and behave.

You need boundaries and rules in place. How does a child know what's right and wrong if there are no guide lines.

Be firm and fair but most of all consistent. Set bed times, meal times round the table as a family. No television in the bedroom full stop, routine for bed time, rewards for helping out.

Make him feel important too. He is soon to become a big brother to the baby and a special experience.

easy

Fairmorn, You haven't commented regarding our suggestions for more exercise, fewer additives.

Can you and his Mum give this a try?