Serious problems with child behaviour

fairmorn308

he gets lots of exercise as he does swiming on a saturday and also does karate twice and week and always running about at school playing footie etc

The thing is the behaviour starts sometimes the minute he is out his bed without eating or drinking nething.

blue_monkey_2

Hi Being a mum with a child that has diagnosed behaviour issues I do understand how hard this.

I know it seems like everyone is bleating on about it but I am going to mention the diet again. Loads of stuff that you think might be healthy has stuff in it and my son turns into a maniac when he has had these - the obvious ones are sweets, but fruit shoot and ice cream turns him manic so he is not allowed these now. Some fruit juices - keep a food diary and see if there is any trigger. Breakfast cereals, he is only allowed to have something that is not coated in sugar and rubbish.

We had found something that works and it is like a reverse reward system. Basically he starts the day with 20p in 1p's (might want to give your SS 25p) and at the end of each day it gets put into a pot - if he is naughty, back chats, etc... he loses a penny, like a fine. In the meantime he is having nothing bought for him, he wants it he saves the money - my daughter is on the same thing - and it is lots of positive attention for the great things he does.

I know it is really hard, you learn to live with things but there is always a breaking point - and while you say you try for months and then stop you have still stopped and he then knows he has won. And this is the key. I do not mean to be rude but you say you have tried x, y and z 'for months' but you have only been with the mum for 6 months.

The key is consitancy, maybe he feels sad that you are having to go away and looks forward to being with you. Maybe it is time to sit down with him, do you have internet access so you can keep in touch with him, maybe he thinks he has finally got a 'dad' and then you leave again. He needs a role model and maybe he is feeling that the new baby might push him away.

This will not happen overnight, and yes, the appointments take a long time to come. Do you know why the school have not referred him before now, my son had problems in nursery and the school dealt with it so have they had a problem until now?

Anyway, it is teatime so better feed the kids, will pop back more later. Sadly the appointments take a long time, we are waiting 18 months for an appointment for the clinic to actually diagnos my son with ASD yet I've been told last November that he has it. It is just waiting, waiting and more waiting. There is no way of jumping queues really as the lists are long to see the doctors involved in this.

Can you let me know the area/county she lives in and I'll dig out information from places I have been todl I can go to (drop in centres) and I'll see if I can find some for her areas. The people who deal with children with violence like your SS will only see the kids if they are seriously violent and have been excluded from school now due to 'cutbacks'. Nothing like dealing with the problems before they happen!!

Loopy_Girl

easy wrote: »

we tried was getting rid of aspartame, the sweetener used in all those drinks & thinks which say "no added sugar" on the label.

Okay, so sugar damages teeth and can make a kid fat, but get him to brush his teeth and run round plenty, it'll be fine.

But I don't think we know what aspartame does to developing young brains, The American authoirities don't trust it like we do in the UK, thats for sure. So out with the fruit shoots, no added sugar squash, so called 'healthy treats' etc.

I am going to second this and you may be surprised to find I work in dental!! I tell all my parents not to get anything 'sugar free' and just get the sugar version and they look at me like I am mad! But sugar is a natural source, we know where it comes from and we know the effects but there is not enough research for artificial sweetners. It is interesting to note that if you read the back of these 'sugar free' things it says not to give to kids under 36 months and this is because there is an ingredient in it that can cause a err...runny tummy for this age range. So what else is it doing to your insides and also your brain?
I never give my daughter sugar free anything. All our squash is the sugary version and if we are out and she is getting a treat she gets full fat fizzy juice or full fat Fruit Shoot.

Of course you have to balance that with a healthy varied diet and plenty exercise but it is certainly something you should be doing.

RedBern

fairmorn308 wrote: »

The thing is the behaviour starts sometimes the minute he is out his bed without eating or drinking nething.

not an expert by any means (mother of 4!) but I agree with a lot that's been said about diet - if his blood sugar's low in the morning (and his behaviour starts immediately) then that could affect his mood.

When my youngest (who's now 15) was about 3 or 4 he'd have the most appalling tantrums - he wouldn't do as he was told, answer back, kick out etc. We cut out sweets (in particular smarties) and he'd be the lovely child he was. My mother, who lives away from us so didn't see him at his worst - thought it was mean to deny him sweets. We were getting ready to go out and within minutes and with no warning he was absolutely foul. She was appalled by his behaviour. I said he's usually only like this when he's had smarties and she shamefaced admitted she'd given him some. It took about 30 minutes for him to 'come back down' which is the only way I can describe it.... he realised shortly after that that he didn't like how it felt and used to take the smarties out of party bags and give them to me;).

You need professional help though - go back to the GP and get the school involved with asking for help. Good luck - and don't forget you're the adults and you're in charge. Set him clear boundaries and don't relax them.

Sarahjovi

he knows when he is being bad but doesnt no when to stop

This is classic ADHD!

blue_monkey_2

The other thing I wanted to add is that it might be worth a call to the school nurse to discuss any concerns with her as she can visit the school and also see how your son is. I called the school nurse when I had concerns over my daughters behaviour at school.

elisamoose

See the GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health services).If he is threatening with a knife he needs help now !

blue_monkey_2

Elisa, they don't see kids at CAMHS just like that anymore. My son has been refused twice and in the last letter that the doctor showed me (it was addressed to him, I have got a copy of his) it states there have been service cutbacks so they are limiting who they see. They will only now see children with 'behaviour problems' if they have been excluded from school or they have been in trouble with the police.

I have been 'advised to go on a parenting course' depsite there being nothing they can tell me as I am doing all they suggest. However, I am going on the course because it'll be nice to meet other parents in the same boat. It means seeing a whole load of people, mine started November and I've another year to wait before my son gets to see the communications disorder clinic.

So, basically there is not enough funding for children to be seen by CAMHS these days. It is a disgrace. Personally I'd prefer they put more money into CAMHS and helping children with mental health disorders than giving free nursery places for 2 year olds. But that will not win votes will it - or am I being way too cynical?! The thing is that 'average Joe' does not realise that these cutbacks have been taking place and the people who suffer most are the families and kids who desperately need the help.

The OP says he had 3 good weeks when he was home with him so maybe the situation runs deeper than this and this little lad has things on his mind. I think step number one is for the OP to maybe take the lad out somewhere and have a chat with him, see if he can find out how he is feeling, because this might shed some light on things.

A few things for the OP to read. OP, I know it sounds like you are being bombarded with stuff but more info is better than no info. It also is important how you speak to the little boy, you might be speaking in a negative way rather than positive - it is real hard to explain - but lots of people do it without realising and it does matter. If I am having a bad day (OK, PMT) I am on edge and my kids play up worse thasn usual. I was given some paperwork today, here are somethings you might find useful:

http://www.health-science-spirit.com/children.html
http://ukfamily.co.uk/community/cafe-chat/events/behaviour/2033.html

How is he intilectually? Is he bored?? Oh and same for the TV, get it out of his room and give him some books to read instead.

Can I ask when he pulled the knife where he was? Was he carrying it on him or was he in the kitchen and turned and grabbed it? If he was carrying it then this is an issue that needs dealing with, maybe call the police station and the school and have a word to see what they can do in regard to this, maybe they can do something at his school about knives. Maybe someone else at school has a knife and he is copying or given them to other kids. You never know, but something like this needs dealing with. Anything is worth a try right now to be honest.

Also see if your GF can find a parenting course or behviour clinic nearly, also check out her local 'Sure Start Childrens Centre' it says for under 5's here but it is not and they give help for all ages. I've had a home visit today and she as bought me some information.

Sorry it is long winded but this is not something that gets solved overnight, the little boy CAN be good because he has been for the 3 weeks so you need to find out why this week was so different.

He sounds like he has a lot of anger and you need to find out why he has anger. My son has problems with aggression but he does not show it just in an angry way - if he did I'd have more concern, my son does not know how to deal with happy/sad and using aggresion for them both. But we have another year to wait to find out why.

Oh, and I forgot to say - fast food sends my kids manic too. I feel bad but they rarely have MacDonalds or BK, maybe ones every 2-3 months as I don't like the consequences!

Phew, that was long, sorry. If I remember anything else I'll let you know but getting the help is the right and positive road to take but it is a long road so please do not think it will happen overnight, it can take years to get a diagnosis I am afraid. Good luck.

Mely

Is there really such a thing as ADHD? It didnt seem to exist when i was a child in school. No support workers needed in class then, and the children were generally very well behaved.....not like A LOT of them these days! I put it down to lack of discipline and absent fathers...children allowed to run the streets all time of the night and day, with no guidelines etc. Ending up with them being gangs of feral youths!:rolleyes:

blue_monkey_2

What sort of comment is that mely??

Yes, there is. And yes there was back then 'when you was at school' but it never got dealt with. The foods were not shovelled with flavourings, chemicals and additives - whch do make it worse - back then either. The docs did not deal with cancer many years ago but it still existed. I got Asthma at the age of 9 and 'back then' (1980) it was virtually unheard of and very rare for a kid to get it - now 1 in 10 kids has it. There is more medical knowledge of conditions now, but much of it can be linked to foods. My brother was the same as my son is now and he was a sh*t but my mother never got any help, in fact the Health Visitor used to moan at her for going to see her and the docs too much. He got the cane more times than I can care to remember at school.

My sister has - what is now known as Aspergers - back then it was 'learning difficulties'. Yes they existed but they never had names and the kids were usually stuck in 'Special Schools' for no reason. Now all the 'Special Schools' have closed and the kids are in mainstream, bt the teachers are not given the extra healp to deal with these children that were 'hidden' when you was a kid.

The kids you see hanging around the street have lack of discipline, they can be dealt with but giving them a clip round the ear is now out of the question so they p*ss over any form of authority. This is where everything is going wrong. Get a clip round the ear you get police arresting you. This is where things are going wrong, parents are in fear of disciplining their children for fear of repercussions. When I was at school if you was naughty you got the cane, you knew you got the cane, so you behaved. What happens now? Nothing? So what point in behaving?

My son has got a diagnosed form of ADHD and there is no way I'd have him out of my sight and having around street corners as he needs constant attention.

Feral youths are not kids with ADHD so please do not make this assumption and think everyone uses it as an excuse as that is just plain ignorance, they are unruly kids and there IS a difference! Kids with diagnosed ADHD are usually on medication and so are not hanging around street corners, they need supervision to ensure they are eating the right foods and behaving themselves.

I am assuming that you posted that to get some sort of response. Would you prefer these kids - most of them like my son - with 'problems' go back to being hidden in Special Schools so no-one knows about conditions such as these? Shame on you!