If I havent got children should Xmas be cancelled?

SandC

Tell me about it. To be honest many of my friends use their kids as excuses for being unreliable.

Greatgimp

Arrange now a cut-off date, when each one gets to a certain age, say 18 (suggestions, anyone?) and stick to it. One day you will still be buying for the younger one and not the older one, but the older one would have had the same amount of prezzies from you. Don't expect a thank you card, don't expect a personally written card, birthday or Christmas, and you won't be dissappointed.

going2die_rich

Paparika wrote: »

Isn't Christmas about giving?

No, it's about receiving!

minimacka

What we do in our family is buy for the children and not the adults however many they have, I have 2 children and so does my sil but my bil only has 1 child but i dont buy her double the amount because she is the only 1. My other sil has just had a little one and up to now we have bought for her and her partner but that is because we wanted to and not that we felt we had to. I would probably feel awful if my children were getting presents from someone whom didnt have children to give back to and would probably buy them a small gift to open, but thats just my opinion. I would also feel very guilty knowing that someone had got into debt just to buy my kids a pressie and would probably say dont bother buying mine if you cant afford it. Christmas should be a time for giving but not at the expence of someone getting into debt over it. If you have just got your neices to buy for why dont you pop over to the special occations thread they have lots of lovely ideas very cheaply for christmas, from hampers to sock monkeys if you can sew (ive made some of these and they are fab).

galvanizersbaby

reetyre wrote: »

Sorry I think I may have phrased the OP wrong, of course Christmas is about giving and we have agreed to the plan - I would always get the kids stuff and I love to see them on Christmas day having fun. I am in no way bitter, this isnt about gifts for me and DH, its more that this has highlighted how much more effort we have to put in to keep those with kids happy, do things their way, travel to them and how our plans become 2nd best or not considered at all.

I interpreted your post incorrectly then Reety - sorry!
I think it very much depends what sort of relationship you have with your siblings and their children.
It tends to be the way that people with children have to plan/take them in to account with everything they do so plans tend to go with whatever is easiest for them - I guess you could always suggest christmas at yours (if that is practical for you) - not sure what else to suggest x

Zazen999

Hi

I have one step daughter, 11 - and my brother has 2 daughters, 2 and 5. I wouldn't dream of not getting them pressies, and we travel 200 miles to see them every few months, whereas they only come to see us - well, 4 times in 10 years. Oldest niece came with her grandma on the train in the summer which was a hoo ha but great to see her here.

I'm not bothered by this to be honest. We get a roast dinner when we go and it's great for the girls to open pressies together. This year, we will provide all the veg from the allotment for the food; and will take down home grown salads, and if the storage toms last - some of those as well. Plus chutneys, and pickles for the meal.

Travelling with young kids is such a major planned experience, whereas we can just hop into the car and drive. I don't see the point of them dragging the girls here unnecessarily, and we love going to visit them. It does help that my bro is a trained chef of course, and they make home made ice cream when we visit.

As adults - me and the OH celebrate Christmas once on our own, and again when his DD turns up, and again on the family visit. The way we celebrate it is to have a full Mexican meal [our menu of choice] on Christmas Day. Decs go up Christmas Eve, and we spend Xmas day by the fire, with home made goodies and the DSD opening pressies etc. The decs come down boxing day and we go travel the 200 miles to celebrate again.

We're not religious, but Christmas is really about the kids; but you have to make Christmas what you want it to be...and yes - kids are unreliable. They haven't read the reliability book yet!

Susanjane_2

We buy presents for the adults if they don't have children, and for the ones that do we just buy for the children.
It seems a bit unfair to expect relatives to buy for children but to receive nothing in return just because they don't have children.

going2die_rich

But later down the line (if) you have kids, don't you want them getting presents off aunts and uncles, even though their own children are too old to be getting presents now?

I think it's good to have an agreed cut off point for presents. But just becaus you don't have children to receive gifts that you shouldn't hand any out. You will still surely be saving money from the fact you don't need to give the grown ups any, which means you can either get yourself a nice xmas present or save that money for the sales in january!

Also, depending upon the ages of the children, perhaps you could get them bored games. That way you could play with them and enjoy the day with your nieces&nephews more than simply giving them something and then them playing on their own. I am in my 20s and I still love playing monopoly with younger family members. Obviously, part of the attraction is always winning (through unoffical "gifts" from the banks), but just spending time and messing about is the attraction.

bigmuffins

:santa2:

In my view xmas is about giving and sharing and kids!

If you feel left out, why don't you suggest that it would be nice to get something from the kids at xmas - a seasonal picture/poem/decoration or something that the children could make for you and OH? Or even spend a day/afternoon with the kids making and doing seasonal stuff? Or baking - edible decorations to eat or hang up.
That way kids and parents would love you for it (spending time with the kids) and the kids would learn that xmas is not just about buying stuff to give! Also you would be included and as well as spending time with the children
you would be building some beautiful memories!

If you feel miffed that you are always going to visit them - invite them to stay with you! Maybe you could just have the kids over if the parents are reluctant to come? My kids love to go and stay over (we only do family sleepovers).

I don't buy presents for adults unless I see something they would like (not expensive) or something humorous, but do like to get children something to unwrap. Is up to you what you give - I try to give something I like (but one person's tat is another's treasure and vice versa!)

Anyway Merry Xmas! :xmastree:

full-time-mum

I know exactly where you are coming from. We have the same thing but in reverse. We are quite happy for the children to get presents and not us but would never dream of not sending gifts to our childless friends/family.

However, my brother constantly forgets my children and my sisters children. Again, I don't really have a problem with this except that the first year he was married, we forgot to post his wife's card so text instead saying we hadn't forgotten but just weren't going to be able to get over today. She didn't recieve the text because she'd changed numbers and not told us. We got a snotty text telling us that we'd forgotten. It wasn't a nice sort of "Did you know it was the wife's birthday today" but very snide and rude.

We always seem to have to fit in around their social life and they have absolutely no concept of the hassle of getting organised around 2 children's social lives. It's as if that now we've got children, we must be completely void of social commitments and can therefore be available at the drop of a hat. Even worse, they have cats that we are expected to feed etc when they pop away for the evening/weekend and would we pop over to put the dustbin out. The live in the next town not the next street.

I think it's a generational thing - I'm the oldest and have more traditional (but not fuddy duddy) views and standards and he is the youngest with an even younger wife and is most definitely from the me, me, me school of thought.

As for the nieces and nephews, there is no need to spend a fortune on gifts. It obviously depends on their age but craft kits can be put together quite cheaply from the 99p with the addition of a good set of pens from, say Woolies (stock up when they are on offer) or a nice book from The Book People.

I get upset if my children aren't remembered at Xmas/Birthday but don't expect a fortune to be spent. Kids are quite happy with a book or some felt pens or a bar of chocolate.