If I havent got children should Xmas be cancelled?

reetyre

Hi there,

I just want other people's perspective on this - my brother in law emailed me and DH last night to suggest that we are all too old to get each other Xmas presents so we shouldnt bother this year. I completely agree with this, have no problem whatsoever as we are broke (trying to sell one flat whilst renting a house in a different part of the country so things are REALLY tight!:eek: )

Anyway, the reason I am mildly upset is that he then stated that we would be expected to get gifts for the kids as "Christmas is for children after all".
I can see where he is coming from (even though I love Christmas and am more a kid than most at that time) but we dont have children and my siblings and both of DH's siblings do.

So we are expected to get gifts for everyone else's children and receive nothing. It started off as upset re the spending that would be involved but now I realise that since people around us have started having kids we are somehow so very left out of everything.

We travel to visit them, not once have any of them made the effort to come see us. Everything is arranged around them to their convenience and make their lives easier. We are never considered at all in anything and its beginning to wear on me and DH .

I do understand completely that kids take over your life and become your everything but why should those of us who dont have them yet (we have been trying for a few months to no avail yet but its early days) be made to feel like 2nd class citizens? Maybe jealousy or hormones come in here slightly but I am getting tired of running round after everyone else and being expected to spend money we dont have on their kids while seeing no gesture towards us. It really doesnt seem fair.

Am I being selfish? Should Christmas be cancelled because we dont have children? I do love my nieces & nephews dearly but it seems Christmas is just another time for us to feel left out.

Reety x

Paparika

Isn't Christmas about giving?

Boomdocker

No, I don't think you are being selfish. I do see your point as I have no children myself. If it were me I would still get my nieces and nephews a gift as normal as it makes me happy and I love to see them open them at Christams. If the adults have agreed not to exchange gifts than take it as a positive that you have just freed up more cash to either splurge on yourself and your partner or to save/spend/utiolise as you wish.

You can still enjoy your Christmas at home the way you and your husband want it. Get an extra treat, an extra bottle of wine, whatever it is you enjoy. So focus on that and have yourself a fab Christmas. :rudolf:

robpw2

ah , christmas is what you make it, if you wanna be bitter because your family wont be buying you a present be bitter , but you should go and buy the best present you can think of for your niece and nephews and go and spend christmas with your family , so you wont be getting presents that will most probs go in some cuboard and never be spoken of again or returned the next day as it is not what you want or would ever wear?

enjoy yourself whatever you decide

DKLS

Cancel Christmas without any guilt or shame.

I fully understand where you are coming from, most of my friends have been churning out rugrats over the years and expect pressies for each one of them.

Tell them you have turned Bhuddist or if can can scrape enough up for a last minute getaway, head for the sun, thats what I am doing this year.

Bitsy_Beans

If you love your nephews and neices why wouldn't you still want to get them a present? there's nothing better than seeing them open the presents you've got. Perhaps you are a bit peeved since you've been told you must still buy for the kids rather than it being your own choice?
Sounds to me this isn't just about xmas but how you are treated in terms of being childless. Yes kids do get in the way and not knowing how old the kids are lots of travelling can be a pain and less so for those without kids hence the onus would appear to be on you and your OH all the time. think you need to have a chat about the situation to your siblings and perhaps clear the air.

reetyre

Sorry I think I may have phrased the OP wrong, of course Christmas is about giving and we have agreed to the plan - I would always get the kids stuff and I love to see them on Christmas day having fun. I am in no way bitter, this isnt about gifts for me and DH, its more that this has highlighted how much more effort we have to put in to keep those with kids happy, do things their way, travel to them and how our plans become 2nd best or not considered at all.
Boomdocker thank you, its nice that you can see where we were coming from - I think you are right, though it wont be freeing any money up as there isnt any to free!
I hope noone thinks I am a Grinch!!! In fact I have already sorted out gifts for the nephew, just the 4 nieces to go!

ben500

I agree with your BIL's sentiments to some extent. If times are hard then yes you should put your children first, squandering money on gifts for adults to the detriment of your own children is not exactly the right thing to do in my eyes, however that having been said your BIL seems to be delivering quite a different message, ie: "My funds are limited so I won't be buying you a gift but I would still expect you to subsidise my gift giving to my children". Personally this is not an agreement I would subscribe to. You clearly have your own situation to take into account, the fact that you are presently childless does not detract from that, your BIL's motive seem to lie outside that which he has sold this idea on.

In my opinion gift giving to adults when your own childrens need is greater is foolhardy to say the least so this I agree with, perhaps you could reply to his email to the effect of: I am so glad you feel this way as our funds are in a similar state and unfortunately we have had to revise our gift giving this year to a card and a nominal amount of gift token to preserve the spirit of Christmas, send each child an identical card with a £2 Asda/Tesco gift card and sit back and wait for the fireworks whilst doing the right thing and concentrating your efforts on resolving any financial difficulties you have rather than subsidising others.

knithappens

Do what you feel is right for you, money is a big factor right now and there is no rule to say you have to buy gifts, I know i buy for the younger kids in my family but i always tell my family if you dont have cash dont bother, because it is my responsibility to buy gifts for my kids, even if it is just a card, or a selection box if they insist on getting them something, it is the thought that counts.

We also have another rule that we dont buy the older ones over 16 anything, unless we have the cash and feel we want to. Christmas is not a competition, do what you honestly feel you want to. and if they cant handle it, then thats there problem.

I hate that some people (not all see) Christmas as an excuse to get, get , get.

Also if you feel you want to get the kids something, but are strapped for cash look at the xmas borad and make them a few things. or look out for things on sale so you dont spend a fortune, Home bargains, if you have one local is a great place to get branded gifts really cheaply.

galvanizersbaby

reetyre wrote: »

Am I being selfish? Should Christmas be cancelled because we dont have children? I do love my nieces & nephews dearly but it seems Christmas is just another time for us to feel left out.

Reety x

Hi Reety
Before I had my children we always brought for just nieces and nephews (I had 2 nieces and 3 nephews) and the adults never brought for each other - and it is the same now.
However we had a big salary at the time and I loved going out and getting them all the latest thing - one of sister's was really hard up and I remember one year buying practically all my niece and nephews xmas pressies - my sister had been getting bits from charity shops and burst in to tears when I arrived back from Toysrus with all the pressies.
However if I've interpreted your post correctly I think it's more about feeling left out because you haven't any children of your own yet than the fact that you actually want your siblings to buy you pressies?
I think you should try not to let your feelings cloud your enjoyment of christmas and giving pressies to your nieces and nephews.
My best friend is childless and has been TTC for 2 years now - I have spoken to her several times recently when she has gone out and spent a near fortune on my children's birthdays but she won't have any of it and says she she wants to spoil them while she still has plenty of cash - they would be happy just to see her at xmas without the expensive gifts but she says they are the only children she knows and she wants to do it - that and her husband wants an excuse to play with the boys toys so it seems there's no stopping her!

aliasojo

Fact of life I'm afraid. Once children are in the family, the baton of importance passes down to them and arrangements (or lack of them) do tend to be made because of them.

I can understand it seems unfair to those with no kids and relationships will likely be uneven but that's the way it is. If/once you have children yourself, the playing field will level out again.

If things are still a little one sided when you have little ones yourself, then that's the time to be more concerned.

For the moment, be grateful that you can still get up and go at a moments notice without having to organise things like a military exercise first. :rotfl:

As for presents, it's a difficult one. My gut feeling is to give the kids something small which will acknowledge and remember them without breaking the bank too much.

I hate families tbh, they are always a source of one issue or another. We should all become hermits in caves, no problems then.:rotfl:

[strike]Bah Humbug![/strike] Merry Xmas.