Trying for a baby (12+ M/not straightforward)

shelly

epsilondraconis wrote: »

Does anyone else on here think that adoption doesn't sit quite right with them? We'd both love to have a family; however I would just like it to be 'our' family rather than a donated family. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure we'd make good parents, and I'd like to think the children would be very happy / loved etc.

Hi and welcome!

Hubby and I have kinda been talking about adoption but not in any real depth.
(Our background is trying for 5 years, 2 early miscarriages and I have lost my cervix to cancer)
Hubby hasn't really said much about adoption at all and my feelings are that I'm not convinced its for me. My concern would be bringing up a child then at 18 they want to find their birth parents and find they want to be with them more than us.
That's probably very selfish of me but I can't help how I feel. I don't know if I could cope with it at all so I would rather not find out.


At the moment we are just carrying on as normal and letting nature take its course........and I'm still trying to get my lazy !!!! into gear and do some exercise to lose some weight

liloandstitch

Welcome to all the newbies, I hope the thread brings you luck - we are due some BFPs and some good luck so fingers crossed.

Not sure about adoption either, but am strangely drawn to fostering - not sure why.

Toniq - good news about the embabies - I assume Saturday is the 5 day blaso tfr that you wanted - great news. Will you have any for the freezer

Nottlass, hope you are taking it easy at the moment - precious cargo. Let us know, wont you.

Lilo

MadMac_2

I've never had too much of a hang-up about adoption - my mother was adopted and she's turned out OK!

I think it is natural to have those sort of worries about adoption, but what those programmes have drummed in to me this week is that most don't want to find their birth parents when they reach 18 - they remember only too well why they ended up in care in the first place! Plus watching 'The Homecoming' on C4 last night about the lady trying to find children she had known at her care home was just so sad. Those children were desperate for a mother they could rely on, feel safe with and love. Oh my! Definitely something I'll be discussing with my OH.

BTW, my mother didn't reach 18 and go searching for birth parents either. She had great adoptive parents and didn't feel the need. I know I've said enough, so won't go on about it!

Anyway, back to reality - yes Toniq and Nottslass, keeping things crossed for you. Think good, positive thoughts and take it easy if you can!

MadMac_2

Forgot to ask, what are you all drinking instead of alcohol and caffeine? I've tried herbal teas and fruit teas, but can't take much more fruit juice!

FairyElephant_2

'Moning all!

Re the adoption question - well DH & I would adopt (his dad was brought up in an orphanage, so the subject is kind of close for him) but our ages are against us. I posted on another thread recently about this. Basically we've been told that we would have to have stopped fertility treatment for 2 years before we could adopt, and that they +1 year to the age of the child for every year the prospective parent is over 40.....so that would mean for us, that if we stopped treatment after this round of IVF, in 2 years time I would be 40 BUT DH would be 50, which means a 10 year old child!
I'm sorry if it sounds selfish, but I want a baby ideally, or at least a toddler or young child - certainly pre-school age!
I know there are loads of older children out there who are deserving of a loving home, but I kind of feel that with DH's children I have already taken on supporting older ones, and I get so frustrated sometimes with the feeling that "if they had been mine they wouldn't have brought up that way" IYKWIM. I also feel I 'missed out' on so much when they were younger, not being in their lives then - I want to do the whole thing from nappies onwards!

FE

angelavdavis

Thanks everyone for your support and advice on this thread.

Had a terrible nights sleep last night. Was awake until 4 then had to fight the cat to regain my side of the bed when I went back.

Well I held off doing a test until today as 30 is the longest I have ever known my cycle to be, and lo and behold AF appeared this morning with a vengeance!

What a cruel trick my body played on me this month. I was pretty upset, but am over it now as luckily I was refusing to get too excited.
So, as I don't have the energy to dwell on what could have been - I have contacted the clinic and attend in the morning for my initial scan and injections.

Looks like OH and I will have to cash in the ISAs to fund the 8.5k 3 cycle package :eek: Hopefully we won't need them all, but just in case it saves the cost of one ICSI treatment.

toniq

So sorry angela, really hope this ivf u r embarking on is the charm for u xxx
8.5k sounds a good deal, mine is 5 k a time at guys and st thomas's london as a total private patient xxx

FairyElephant_2

Sorry to hear that AF got you Angela, but hoping that IVF will do the trick for you. I always seem to be a bit late just before an IVF cycle, so I think it is a bit of a stress thing. That does sound like a really good deal for a package of 3. Mine is also about 5k a time when you take into account the cost of the meds, but they don't do a package deal at my clinic.

Toniq - glad to hear that you are 'go' for blasto transfer this time - we're hoping for that this time too (didn't have the option the first 2 times).

Nottlass - where/how are you Hun? Still thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.

Madmac - Well, I don't drink coffee very often any more (being a reformed serious caffeine addict years gone by) but I do still drink tea, and hubby won't have decaff tea! I probably drink about 4 mugs 'normal' tea a day, plus fruit teas & squashes. My consultant can't see any problem with that amount of caffeine, so I am not worried.
I do still give up alcohol just before and during IVF cycles, but having given it up entirely when we were TTC 'naturally' and through the 1st and the FET cycle, and it making no difference, I went back to it in between. My consultant thinks that stress is a worse factor in the TTC stakes than having a few glasses of wine from time-to-time - bless her!

This time we are trying something different in that we are taking a whole raft of different vits & supplements, cutting back on red meat, and trying to eat organic wherever possible (not very MS I have to admit as organic stuff is really pricey!).

epsilondraconis

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Its comforting to know that so many people go through the same thoughts and feelings.

The cost of our next IVF (ICSI) will also be £5k. The £8.5k for 3 sounds like a great offer. I've been waiting to see if our clinic has a BOGOF offer, but nothing yet!

Also, I'm glad its not just us that has to fight the cat to get the bed covers back...

sarahs999

Afternoon everyone. Have spent a long morning in the Early Preg unit, where conveniently they hadn't got any of my notes so I had to explain over nad over again what I was doing there, why I needed a scan, and all the rest, which I found draining and irritating.

Anyway, there was a heartbeat, although it is still measuring behind (6+2 when it should be 7+1). So not out of the woods by any means. The nurse could see how agitated I was as it's so like the way my other miscarriages started, that she took some bloods to check my progesterone level and will call me back by four. You can imagine, I'm sitting here with my heart in my mouth... cross your fingers for me! I don't have huge hopes, can't afford to let myself think it wil be OK yet.