MSE Pregnancy Club III

lottylouj

hi am, its not strictly pregnancy related but i hope it helps.
i was in a similar situation to you with an partner, but he was abusive to my daughter ( from a previous relationship), i was isolated from all my friends and family because of him. i felt like i had no where to turn too and i didnt feel strong enough to deal with it.
after 12 mths i couldnt take any more, my children were hugely affected by it all, my daughter couldnt even handle any one talking too her in a normal voice, i had to whisper to her.
i rung the DV help line and broke my heart to them as there was no one else to talk too, they found me a place in a refuge at the other end of the country, and i left, i took the kids and what i could carry and went when he was at work 1 day. it was the best thing i have ever done, im now 3 yrs down the line and have moved again to another place where i am closer to friends and family.

im not saying this is right for you and no one has the right to judge you, your the 1 living through it, no one else knows your situation as you do. im sure you are a fantastic mum and do everything you can for your child.
If you feel the time is right to do something about it you will not be alone, there are so many paople that will help you and your child/ren. you are not a failure in any way.
a council should re home you but if poss ring the DV help line, they will be able to offer any advice you need.

poppyjoe

astonsmummy wrote: »

I just dont knwo what to do anymore girls, I'm now sat here in tears, please dont judge me

AM I don't have any advice really, but no one will judge you. I will be thinking of you today.:grouphug:

My_Fathers_Daughter

(((HUGS))) AM - perhaps a new start is what all 3 of you need?

Family will always be there for you - mine live over an hour away but our relationship is closer because of it.

Take care sweetie - we are not here to judge you, whatever you do, but please keep talking to us (or anyone) do not keep this bottled up inside.

astonsmummy

Thanks girls.
I just dont know if I'm ready to make all these big changes, right on top of Xmas, I dont want to spoil it for my son
'm scared to speak to anyone about it now because I've now got SS on my back because I confided in them before, and the last thing I want is my kids took off me.

MrsTinks

Why would we judge you?

Right couple of practical bits of advise now - having had my sofa's occupied several times by girls with black eyes and bruises in places they shouldn't be...
The place you live: is it in your name or joint names? If in joint names you're better of packing what you can and taking Aston by the hand and walking out. If it's in your name then get the lock changed (check with landlord) and place your OHs belongings outside and tell him to collect them then turn the phone off! Have some friends over to help you - they will be not only moral support but also a deterrent for him to do anything silly. IF you have proof he's hit you before then contact the police and ask them for help with a restraint order. That way the instant he comes near you you can call 999 and have him arrested!
If you don't think that is a strong enough deterrent then leave... What if he hit you now and your new unborn baby was hurt? By the sounds of it your mum was in an abusive relationship so this won't come as a shock to you: seeing abuse when you are young is likely to make you think it is normal and ok. For your new baby's sake and Astons please leave this guy! Right now Aston is learning that hitting mummy is ok... but it's not is it?
I'm not judging you, I'm trying to make you realise there are more reasons to leave than stay! I know from up close how hard it is, but you have to do it! You have to break the abuse circle hun...
Moving away and being secluded... How can you be We'll still be here! And I am sure your mum will stay in touch! Mine lives in a different country and we still stay in touch - thanks to msn in our case, but you could get a new PAYG mobile and stay in touch with her Meet her somewhere away from her house and no-one but her will ever know.
If you do go in a refuge then you won't be alone... you'll meet some lovely people who are in the same situation and others who are there to help you. You'll make friends and so will Aston. As for uprooting him... I moved lots as a child and I went to a total of 8 schools... It's not as bad as you might think, and certainly not as bad as what is happening right now...

Think about this: What if when the new baby arrives and you end up in A&E after he hits you again - SS gets involved and take the children for their safety? Wouldn't you rather walk away now? I'm not saying they will, but if you think of that as a result of staying then maybe leaving will be a whole lot easier...

Be strong.

My_Fathers_Daughter

AM - if there is the remotest chance that they make take Aston away from you then you have to take control. Aston will have a lovely christmas wherever he can be with you in a relaxed and happy atmosphere.

MrsTinks

astonsmummy wrote: »

Thanks girls.
I just dont know if I'm ready to make all these big changes, right on top of Xmas, I dont want to spoil it for my son
'm scared to speak to anyone about it now because I've now got SS on my back because I confided in them before, and the last thing I want is my kids took off me.

Think of giving Aston a fear free christmas as the best present you can ever imagine... And because YOU will not be afraid HE'LL be happier

xredwebx

Firstly huge hugs to Astonsmummy, so sorry to hear your having a rough time, no advice from me i'm afraid but didn't want to read and run xxxx

EDD
MrsY - 18th November 2008
redballoon - 21st November 2008
Sammiebmouse - 28th November 2008
Poppyjoe - 3rd December 2008
LashyLashla - 4th December 2008
Avfcforever - 7th December 2008
Verianna – 8 December 2008 (girl)
Paddington- 9th December 2008 - a girl!
miss_corerupted - 10th December 2008
giger - 5th December 2008
Skylight - 14th December 2008 - Whey-hey its not Xmas Day!
SeptemberBaby - 17 December 2008 (boy!)
Rara32 - 22nd December 2008
SallyCinnamon - 25th December 2008
Ladyra - 26th December!!
sooz - 5th Jan 2009 30th December 2008
Spendaholic13 - 31st December 2008
nesky99 - 4th January 2009
ladybirdintheuk - 5th January 2009
onlyroz - 7th Jan 2009
Flipper_72 - 8th January 2009
Madmoobag - 10th January 2009
Bekkki1 - 12th January 2009
boredjellybean - 13 January 2009
r.mac - 24th January 2009
Lday77 - 1st February 2009
spyrobabe - 5th February 2009 (C/section Offered 39W- Its a Boy!)
Jamz (well Mrs Jamz) - 7th February 2009
3onitsway - 9 February 2009
sampainter - 11th February 2009
lucifa73 - 11th February 2009
cazscoob - 16 February 2009
durham05 - 17 February 2009
MrsHayes - 20 February 2009
bargainbird - 21 February 2009
voodoozoe - 23rd February 2009
Mikeboy - 28th February 2009
My Fathers Daughter - 2nd March 2009 (boy!)
happytails - 3rd March 2009
carrieparkinson - 4th March 2009 (ish)
Millie's Mum - 7 March 2009
new mum again - 10 March 2009
Redmel1621 - 12th March 2009
jenkellyxx - 12th March 2009
angelfairy - 13 March 2009 - Fri 13th it is so NOT happening on that day
CanadaBound - 14 March 2009
Snuffilin - 15 March 2009
Astroming - 15 March 2009
olliesmummy06 - 16 march 2009
bathbabe - 17 March 2009
crazyaboutsaving - 18 March 2009
Cookiesncream/cookie304 - 19th March 2009 (could change though!!)
JanineGr - 19th March 2009 (by my reckoning)
taney - 19th March 2009
Choccie - 22 March 2009
mummy2mygirls - 23 March 2009
angchris - 24th march 2009
candygirl's daughter - 26th March 2009
mrsctobe! - prob march 2009 but having a little confusion over due date!
jakesmummy - 31st March 2009
bloomin freezing - 2nd April 2009
slscarborough - 8th April 2009
newmum1 – 9th April 2009
sparkle03 - 15th April 2009
xredwebx - 17th April 2009
sismith42- 19 April 2009
astonsmummy - 20th April 2009
feelinggood - 20th April 2009
emma-uk – 21st April 2009
Cat4772 - 22nd April 2009
cybermum- 26th April 2009
Ems2 - 29 April 09
freyaluck - 4th May 2009
Kathy72- 5th May 2009
Claire Jones - 6th May 2009
RiaAnn - 8th May 2009
shellsuit - 9th May 2009
Icklebeans - 13th May 2009. Twins!!!
MrsTine - 16th May 2009
Krystaltips - 17th May 2009
Candice56 - 18th May 2009
greent - 19th May 2009
ticklepenny – 22 May 2009
code-a-holic - 22 May 2009
Blottedcopybook - 28th May 2009
Sami_Bee - 3rd June 2009
Stargirl12 - 4th June 2009
Mookiandco - 12th June 2009
Saverram_ 13th june 2009
searching_me 16th June 2009
Hedgehog28 - 19th June 2009
mirrorimage0-- 27th june (by my guess)
mollythewestie - 27th june
pinkpig08 - 27th June
maryjane01 - 01 July
angela6834 - 5th July
Nicole136 - 8th July
Alex1234 - 10th July
elle_gee - 10th July
LittlePickle - 10th July
Lu T - 17 July
Skintchick - mid to late July. I'll update when I've had my scan.
moneymaker - some date in June, will hopefully find out soon !!!

TTC LIST
witchyroo
sjm
Fishcake_random
Lesleydejager
jo_jo
picklesmum
durham_girl
likabu
Pooky
emptypocketz
Miss_pink & Mr Pink
Boobylou
lilmrsmullen
jiblets1
Lillian06
Uisge10
CHARLIE54
Andrea78
AnnieM
Wondermum07
Melvis
Janec08
Helen79
Hayley11
Ruth.77
fattybooboo
lisabell
elastigirl
Filmstar

BIRTH LIST
Bonniethemadcat - 2nd November - Daniel David 4lb 60z emergency c/s
Emms - 8th November at 23:21 Isla Jadyn 7lbs 11oz. 6 days early
Toto - 19th November at 5.41am Lily-Anne
Rosie'sMum - Sun 23rd Nov - boy - Matthew - born at 11.27 am - 7lb 13oz

PROBABLY GIVEN BIRTH BUT TOO WORN OUT TO LOG ON LIST
Usually allow 2 weeks after EDD before transferring to this list...
levers81 - 9th November 2008
emmaBZ - 10th November 2008
icklepiggle - 12th November 2008
kaza - 13th November 2008

Just updated my due date hope everyone is well xxxx

lottylouj

astonsmummy wrote: »

Thanks girls.
I just dont know if I'm ready to make all these big changes, right on top of Xmas, I dont want to spoil it for my son
'm scared to speak to anyone about it now because I've now got SS on my back because I confided in them before, and the last thing I want is my kids took off me.

SS only take children as a very last resort, they will more than likely want to help you and support you if you do decide to do anything. i have had dealings with them because of my daughter and they have been great to me and her and have helped us move forward.
i left my OH at around this time of year, i was worried that they would have a useless christmas, but we had the best christmas we have ever had because they were able to relax, play and be children. staff at a refuge are there to help, they wont make you do anything you dont want to do. they will support you.
christmas wouldnt be spoilt for anyone, it would be a different christmas where you wouldnt have to worry or walk on egg shells.

if anything i still live with the guilt of not getting out of the situation sooner for my children. but they are fine now.
i know how hard it is to take that first step, but you will never be alone, feel free to PM me if you would like.
take care

Millie's_Mum

Oh AM thats Sh1tty, I am definitely thinking some evil thoughts now.

You know you need to get yourself and your babies out its just how do you go about it, don't let christmas get in the way, Aston will be affected by whats going on and getting him out of that will be the best present you can give him.