HUbby says I am tight with money

pukkamum

i can see both sides to this my dh's mum kept them all on the breadline whilst manically saving and i mean literally, second hand toys for xmas, my dh going home one night to a single chicken leg for his tea.
Her dh would often suggest taking the kids out or holidays to which she would say she had no money.
They would have huge argumants over his 'reckless' spending, this was on a pack of baccy every three days and a paper every day.
They split up and she managed to buy him out of their house in cash without having to get a loan etc and she still had plenty of money left over.
As you can imagine he is now extremely bitter about it all and hates her for the years of enforced scrimping.

I am not saying this is you or ever will be you but at the end of the day don't let your fear of getting back into debt hold you back from having a full life.

Not being awful but you could get run over by a bus tomo and were would all the saving have got you.

Yes carry on saving thats great but not to the detriment of having a full fun life and not to the detriment of your relationship.

Idiophreak

shadowspy24 wrote: »

If OH is hellbent on spending every penny saved then you do need to keep a backup fund in secret.

How would you feel if this argument was reversed, though - OH is hellbent on saving, so you need to spend in secret...Does that seem like sound advice still..?

Quite fundamentally, the only way to handle *anything* in a relationship, including money, is to agree a solution that's acceptable to you both. Just going behind the other person's back and doing what you want anyway really isn't in the spirit of the thing. If, as a couple, you're incapable of coming to a compromise, you have somewhat more serious problems that need addressing...

moo2moo

Why not just go on a cheaper weekend away? Surely thats the compromise you're looking for. You want a weekend away but not one at £250. So go and spend less.

I have an OH who sees something and immediately "needs" it. Thats why I have an all singing all dancing PC which ran perfectly on Windows XP but now crashes randomly on Vista, but runs so much faster when it reboots. We've agreed on a £80 allowance each per month to do whatever we want with without question. I save mine and spend it on things as and when I feel we really do need them. He spends his 3 weeks into the month and then wanders round like a pauper for a week. His choice. Its not hidden. He knows I have my own emergency savings fund although I usually use it to pay a chunk off the mortgage its still there if I need it.

floss2

My OH earns quite a bit more than me - my contribution to the household bills is 27% of the household income (and I'm not on minimum wage).

We also have times where he spends on gadgets -but he works hard, the bills are paid, he saves a fair chunk towards an emergency fund, so why worry? Once I've divvied up my share, he doesn't ask what I've done with the rest of my wages, and I wouldn't ask what he does with his.

I also have a savings account in my own name - i've had it since before I met him when I was a single mum of 2 teenagers. He is aware of it but never asks what is in it, and when anything goes into it, it is from MY salary, which goes into MY account, not the joint account.

I also think that you should maybe look for a special offer w/e, but TBH £250 isn't too bad - 2 people for 2 nights B & B could easily be £100 per night without any evening meal. We're paying £139 for 1 night's D, B & B this weekend to meet up with family.

JimmyTheWig

moo2moo wrote: »

I have an OH who sees something and immediately "needs" it. Thats why I have an all singing all dancing PC which ran perfectly on Windows XP but now crashes randomly on Vista, but runs so much faster when it reboots. We've agreed on a £80 allowance each per month to do whatever we want with without question. I save mine and spend it on things as and when I feel we really do need them. He spends his 3 weeks into the month and then wanders round like a pauper for a week. His choice. Its not hidden. He knows I have my own emergency savings fund although I usually use it to pay a chunk off the mortgage its still there if I need it.

I think this is a brilliant arrangement.

cat4772

Hi

I manage the finances in our house and yes, sometimes DH calls me a tight git.
18 months ago he was the one who hadn't been out of his overdraft for 3 yeras, had a visa bill of £3700 (limit of £3500), welcome finance loan for £2500 and a loan from a family member at £4000; then he didn't have enough money to pay his share of the bills. I was the one scrimping and saving to pay bills and holidays for us; he was living the life of Riley!

Now:is wage is paid into my account and I pay all the bills. I paid of his overdraft and he closed his account. I arranged for his visa to be Balance transferred into my name at a low LOB rate, then made overpayments to pay it off sooner. I pay his welcome finance loan and the loan to the family member. We should be debt free by November 2009 (if not August / September 2009), we also have some money put aside for emergencies and money is put aside for the annual one off bills (MOT, car tax & maintenance etc). We have a baby fund (he knows about it but not how much is in there - he's not interested but if he asks I'll tell him). We have a mortgage offset account (to pay off the mortgage when the fixed rate ends in 2012 - again he knows about it but he's not bothered about how much is in there. He gets £40 a week to spend as he wants - and I don't ask any questions or give him grief about it!

The key thing is every month we talk about our finances; what needs paying, what we owe, what we need (clothes, gadgets etc) and what we want (this we have to save up for); Put simply he's involved in the big decisions and knows that we don't spend money we don't have. It works fairly well apart from when he's spent his money and has 3 or 4 days left of the week but when he calls me tight he knows he's not getting anymore money until the end of the week!

Cat.x

Kantankrus_Mare

moo2moo wrote: »

Why not just go on a cheaper weekend away? Surely thats the compromise you're looking for. You want a weekend away but not one at £250. So go and spend less.

I have an OH who sees something and immediately "needs" it. Thats why I have an all singing all dancing PC which ran perfectly on Windows XP but now crashes randomly on Vista, but runs so much faster when it reboots. We've agreed on a £80 allowance each per month to do whatever we want with without question. I save mine and spend it on things as and when I feel we really do need them. He spends his 3 weeks into the month and then wanders round like a pauper for a week. His choice. Its not hidden. He knows I have my own emergency savings fund although I usually use it to pay a chunk off the mortgage its still there if I need it.

It runs pretty much like that in our house.

We have a set amount of money that is solely "for personal use"

OH spends as he gets it and often has spent it even before it is in his hand whereas I will siphon a little of mine off each week to save and then go on the odd splurge with the rest if there is something I need.

If anything...OH is on a win win situation as he doesn't have to think about a rainy day fund knowing that I always have a little squirelled away and eventually the money Ive squirelled goes toward holday spending money or paying lump sums off the mortgage.

I could quite easily use it for treats for myself but I dont.

pollyanna24

We also have the set amount to spend that we can't complain about. It was £400 a month which I know sounds like a lot, but a lot had to be bought out of it. Clothes, socialising, takeaways, any personal bday presents, any personal savings. It's gone down to £200 which is £50 a week which I know is still more than a lot of people on here, but it's what we are happy with.

Mine usually lasts all month and then some and so I pay for a nice takeaway for both of us at the end of the month. His is usually gone and he ends up in his overdraft, but hey that's up to him. Not quite sure what he spends it on.

doelani

thanks everyone for the replies. I can see that everyone works things differently lol.

Still not sure what we will do about weekend away, looking for something cheap lol We have went through our budget and we can afford it , just me being cautious I guess.

3plus1

I'm in charge of the finances in our household.

It would be very easy to me to take money from our joint account and squirrel it away because OH doesn't know how to use our internet banking and refuses to get receipts from the ATM because he doesn't want to know how much we do or don't have. However, I'm with the other posters who think this would be a huge breach of trust.

If you want a secret rainy day fund, build one up with your own money. It's just wrong to take your OH's money and hide it. :mad: (This comment is directed only at the people who suggested it, I am not targeting the OP by any means!)

OH and I went on holiday this year. I asked how much he thought would be reasonable to spend on accommodation. He said 'around £500 because it's London and it's really expensive there?' I booked us five nights for £149. :T For that price, we stayed in the Hoxton for a couple of nights and in a Travelodge for the other three.

I've stayed in a London Travelodge for £19 before - and I've seen loads of £9 rooms before. Nowt wrong with a Travelodge - you know what you're getting. Save a bit of money on the room and you've got more money for a nice meal out!

Could you maybe book somewhere a month in advance so you can get a cheaper rate?

Maybe you could stay at home and save on the travel costs, but book into an expensive local hotel?

If your OH wants a break, maybe he needs one. So agree to the break, but agree you'll do the booking and find a holiday for less than the £250 he would have blown. That way you'll both be happy. It's all about compromise.