HUbby says I am tight with money

Ivrytwr3

HOWEVER......although we don't go out to bars etc or eat out very often the one thing I can justify to myself is a few days away 2 or 3 times a year. It is our time together and money well spent. No kids ,no stress time to relax.

So you scrimp and save all year and reward you and the hubby with 2 - 3 breaks away a year WITHOUT the kids? So what do they get?

I always thought kids were an enjoyment, not a bind.

pinkshoes

MrsTine wrote: »

And I agree... You CAN'T just save non-stop - sometimes you have to spend a little. You say you have the money - you can afford the weekend away so why not go? You will still have savings right? You're not going to be doing without because of going away.
I think your main woryr is that hubby spends so you feel you can't - well why not point out to hubby how much he spends and that it's worrying you - if he can agree to curb HIS spending then you'll agree to the weekend away - but YOU need to relax a little - you're no longer in debt! You have savings and you're saving for a holiday. You're doing ok! You have to live life a little too

I disagree with this. The OP has already stated that they're going on a £2000 family holiday next year, so why blow £250 on an unnecessary weekend away, when the money could be saved?

They've also stated they have a mortgage to pay, so unless their savings are enough to pay the mortgage for at least 6 months should one of them lose their jobs, then it's best to keep saving.

You don't need to go away to have a special weekend!

doelani, I think you need to speak to your husband and question his unnecessary spending. Financial compatibility is SO important in a relationship. We bought a new toaster this weekend, and my OH wanted to splash out another £30 on a kettle, just so it would match the new toaster... needless to say he did NOT get his own way!

belfastgirl23

I think you're overstating the case a bit, I don't think it's that your husband doesn't see the point in savings (otherwise you wouldn't be where you are now) but that he puts the balance between spending and saving at a different point than you do.

We have the same debates too but eg I look at DH and see how much he wants/needs a weekend away. If he just is a bit bored I suggest having a day away but if he is stressed and we've hardly seen each other then a weekend is good.

So I'd say talk to him and come to a compromise. Saving can be boring and life is for living as well as saving so perhaps agree to have a 'splurge fund' for this kind of thing, assuming you can afford it.

I do think we can all go a bit overboard at times on this MS and I'm speaking for myself here too.

miserly_mum

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

So you scrimp and save all year and reward you and the hubby with 2 - 3 breaks away a year WITHOUT the kids? So what do they get?

I always thought kids were an enjoyment, not a bind.

That is OUR time. I didn't say we had no FAMILY holidays

I was answering doelanis question on justifying spending money on a weekend away for her and her hubby.

If having 9 days a year to yourself is a crime......then i'm guilty

JimmyTheWig

I think you need to come to a compromise between you about money in a general sense. E.g. pick an amount that you would like in savings as a minimum and he then needs to ensure he doesn't ask you to go below this. Or pick an amount for spending each week/month. If he chooses to spend it then fine, but if he chooses to save it up then you can go on a weekend away.
Agree a plan that you both think is fair and then try to stick to it. What you then do with that money can be up to you...

paddy's_mum

doelani - nobody's more frugal than me but there are times when it's right to spend money especially, as in this case, it is your husband instigating the idea. Would you feel happier if you changed your thinking so that instead of it being money needlessly frittered, you are in fact investing in your personal relationship.

To be blunt, if he gets bored rigid with a life with no high notes and fun or thinks that the moneysaving is more important to you than he is, you ain't gonna have a hubby to go away with!

Idiophreak

I can see both sides of this, too - there's *no point* saving money if your life stops completely in the meantime...

I also doubt your hubby sees the break as "unnecessary" as some seem to suggest...

On the othr hand, £250 for a weekend away is a little OTT - why not try and find yourself a break at a travellodge or similar...if you could get the hotel for <£50, you could be happy that it wasn't making a huge dent in your savings and your hubby would get some time away with you - everyone's a winner.

Ivrytwr3

so family holiday's and 2 - 3 breaks away without the kids. Wish i could afford that!!

btw it wasn't a 'dig' I was unaware you also had family holdiay's and so the way your post read was that the whole family 'suffered' on your scrimping ways throughout the year and you then take these breaks while the kids had to stay at home!!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Of course, you could always set up a separate, private account under your sole control and forget to mention it to him. That way you would have the knowledge that you also have £xxx put away that he doesn't even know about for genuine, extreme emergencies (what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't yearn for - or something like that) and you can use it for yourself as well. Think of it as wages for your extra work in handling the finances, or a special sum that you are protecting from his profligacy. Perhaps you could then appear to be a little less anxious with what is left in the 'known' account, as you know there is actually more hidden away. If it is suddenly needed, don't tell him where it came from, just let him know that it is times like this which show that he was right to let you handle things!

But then I've been in debt too many times due to other people's need for instant gratification, which is why I am the only person to have suggested it.

belfastgirl23

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Of course, you could always set up a separate, private account under your sole control and forget to mention it to him. That way you would have the knowledge that you also have £xxx put away that he doesn't even know about for genuine, extreme emergencies (what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't yearn for - or something like that) and you can use it for yourself as well. Think of it as wages for your extra work in handling the finances, or a special sum that you are protecting from his profligacy. Perhaps you could then appear to be a little less anxious with what is left in the 'known' account, as you know there is actually more hidden away. If it is suddenly needed, don't tell him where it came from, just let him know that it is times like this which show that he was right to let you handle things!

But then I've been in debt too many times due to other people's need for instant gratification, which is why I am the only person to have suggested it.

i would call this keeping a hold of your running away money