HUbby says I am tight with money

margaretclare

I think you have been so insecure in the time you were dealing with debts, you now feel that money in the bank is your security. I would agree, it's nice to have money there when you want something rather than having to think about it twice or go back into debt.

£250 for a weekend seems fairly reasonable. We recently had a fairly expensive holiday, approx £2,700. The weekend we came back there was a conference in Leicester. £140 for 2 nights plus breakfast (at a discount because conference rates), petrol, fund-raising dinner Saturday night £50, other meals on the way. We like staying in nice hotels - way past the stage of 'student'-type travel! - so when we go away, we don't worry too much about what it costs.

OTOH our TV set appears to be 'dying' on us so we need to think about that, and look around. We don't want a huge one, and as someone else has said, plasma, what would that do for me? We don't watch enough TV to justify spending what some people would happily spend on a TV.

I would second Jojo's suggestion above - have your own savings under your own control.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

i would call this keeping a hold of your running away money

I don't do joint bank accounts, but I still have an unmentioned account. I see it as the fiscal equivalent of a spare hanky, a spare set of keys or a thermal vest - it may not be glamorous or sexy, but you're really, really pleased you have it when the time comes!

Idiophreak

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Of course, you could always set up a separate, private account under your sole control and forget to mention it to him.

Am I the only one that finds this idea *disgusting*?

If people have different ideas to their OH, they should talk about it, try and talk them around, or meet half way. Going behind their back to get your own way is just *so wrong*.

If I found out my gf was handling the joint finances and stashing a bit on the side, for whatever reason, she wouldn't be my gf for a whole lot longer. It's just such an abuse of trust, it's not even funny.

miserly_mum

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

so family holiday's and 2 - 3 breaks away without the kids. Wish i could afford that!!

btw it wasn't a 'dig' I was unaware you also had family holdiay's and so the way your post read was that the whole family 'suffered' on your scrimping ways throughout the year and you then take these breaks while the kids had to stay at home!!

No probs.....I was only keeping to the subject brought up by the OP

We live very well because we look after what we have.I'm lucky to be able to stay at home with the kids while OH works.Mainly because we have no debt and I budget well.

Kids have everything we never had..... PS3, sky in their room, Wii,, nice clothes, various hobbies and after school activities etc (all bought at the right price, budgeted for and using a cashback site of course )

We get a fortnight in Portugal in the summer holidays. My Dad lives there so after flights all we need is a few quid spending money. Then we visit OH sis& bro inlaw in Scotland over Easter.

shadowspy24

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I don't do joint bank accounts, but I still have an unmentioned account. I see it as the fiscal equivalent of a spare hanky, a spare set of keys or a thermal vest - it may not be glamorous or sexy, but you're really, really pleased you have it when the time comes!

I think it's a brilliant idea. The OH is going to constantly think of ways to spend that money whether it's an emergency or not and then is gonna come crying when there is a real emergency. Therefore if you have a secret stash, you can make them sweat for a while to teach them a lesson before you reveal that you knew this situation would arise and you planned ahead. This way they will learn why you have to save for a rainy day.

pollyanna24

Idiophreak wrote: »

Am I the only one that finds this idea *disgusting*?

If people have different ideas to their OH, they should talk about it, try and talk them around, or meet half way. Going behind their back to get your own way is just *so wrong*.

If I found out my gf was handling the joint finances and stashing a bit on the side, for whatever reason, she wouldn't be my gf for a whole lot longer. It's just such an abuse of trust, it's not even funny.

Nope, you are not the only one. I totally agree. A couple of years ago, my bf agreed to hand over all financial concerns to me (as long as he gets his £200 a month to blow on what he wants, he's happy).

But I still think he has a right to know where about 90% of his wages go! Blimey, I would feel so out of order sticking his money in a secret bank account! We discuss anything that needs to be spent. He's getting better, he used to be parp with money, but I still wouldn't hide anything from him, I'd just whinge until I get my way. :rolleyes:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Idiophreak wrote: »

Am I the only one that finds this idea *disgusting*?

If people have different ideas to their OH, they should talk about it, try and talk them around, or meet half way. Going behind their back to get your own way is just *so wrong*.

If I found out my gf was handling the joint finances and stashing a bit on the side, for whatever reason, she wouldn't be my gf for a whole lot longer. It's just such an abuse of trust, it's not even funny.

Fair enough, but I am presuming you haven't been in a situation when the first time you found out that your dearly beloved has been spending the rent money on other things is when you recieve a notice of seeking possession and a bailiff banging on the door wanting to come and take your children's telly and the dog to cover the last 2 years' council tax. I have. And then I found that there were credit cards, a new car bought on a card advance (so what the loan I took out was for, I have no idea) and a whole load of other things. He disappeared in a puff of spliff smoke as soon as he was rumbled, because I was obviously so evil in not allowing him to spend 'family' money as he saw fit. Oh, I heard from him a couple of days later when he tried to withdraw my entire month's salary from the account, only to find that I had moved it somewhere else. I was therefore abusing his trust and he would have come back until that point, apparently, but now I had cut him off he was going to starve to death and sleep on the streets (what, not in the car?) and it was all my fault because I didn't trust him.

I am sure that I must be misunderstanding you, as it appears that you would dump your partner if she were to have her own money. Does that mean that you do not have a penny of your own to spend without her say so? I must have got that wrong.

I believe Womans Aid and the other domestic violence charities also strongly reccommend everyone having some financial independence. I can't see how protecting yourself and your family can ever be a bad thing and I would find alarm bells ringing at top volume if anyone I knew said their OH wouldn't stand for it.

It may appear to be a lighthearted comment, but I think many people, male and female, have found out to their cost, the consequences of complete financial codependence.

Red_Fraggle_3

I can see ,both sides DD and BF both say I'm a tight-wad but I have no debts and don't like to take the money from the ISA to pay things so once the savings have gone in there no touchy. Yet I do try to still do stuff me and BF had a lovely couple of days way in York and yes time away from the kids and work was really good and it was on a budget, the money was squirreled away from wages not the savings account.
Travelogdes etc aren't massively expensive and set a budget doesnt mean you can't treat yourselves sometimes that makes you come back more focused on saving.
Sounds like he thinks you both deserve a treat :-)

traveller

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I don't do joint bank accounts, but I still have an unmentioned account. I see it as the fiscal equivalent of a spare hanky, a spare set of keys or a thermal vest - it may not be glamorous or sexy, but you're really, really pleased you have it when the time comes!

Totally agree with you jojo! I make no secret of it however although I'm not married,But when I was with my ex I had my account-which he knew about and provided we both contributed to stuff as need be-where's the problem?

My ex was a joke with money.He earned almost twice as much as me when we were together and was always broke!He always had to have the latest stuff and didn't care how much debt he got into along the way.I'm not like that-I don't go other the top, but I do like to save and enjoy life too.

I must admit I do get called stingy by people be It my kids and others,I'll almost only buy stuff In sales,buy reduced groceries ect.But, what annoys me more than anything, is when the same people who im my opinion waste money, ask you how you can afford holidays ect as they cannot.I'm a single parent and every year me and my now 4 children go away at least once a year, like many other families, but the fact I'm single seems to get gasps from people, in a put down kind of way.These people seem to forget, when they are drinking like fishes in the pub/bar, everyday after work, I'm not there, expensive get togethers-i'm not there.There's nothing wrong with doing these things, don't get me wrong, but it's annoying when people look at you as though you must be on the fiddle, when you've prioritised and made sacrifices to afford what's important to you.

Kantankrus_Mare

My family also think Im tight but I couldn't care less.

I look out for extra Tesco points which have just saved us a fortune on a three night stay in London.

A trip that would have cost us almost £1000 cost half that with me being a scrooge.

I also have an allotment and am constantly looking at ways of cutting down the food bill.

We have some debts to clear (manageable) but we would have none of these if my husband wasn't such a spend thrift.

The difference with him and me is I will make do until I have saved the money for things but he will just go out and get the item and if it has to go on a credit card...so be it. (He is getting better though.)