Complicated pregnancy - what are the fathers rights and what should I do?

Merlot

inarightbigmess wrote: »

Merlot - I'm an idiot, thats my main problem. It was a silly fling that I shouldn't have done - I should of addressed the problems I was having, but I fell back on old ways and used sex as a band-aid for bigger problems.

I don't think I could go through with a termination, the thought of it just doesn't sit well with me. It would be the most sensible option perhaps, but I don't think I could do it.

I don't know if I could have the baby adopted. At least then I'd have a few months to decide and to think about it.

your not an idiot, your not the first and won't be the last in this situation.

What are the bigger issues, can these be resolved? If not, then I would say its time to seperate and then you can have the baby.

If you choose to stay with your husband, then consider termination or adoption, neither are easy, but what ever you decide, you are going to have to live with that for many many years, do you think your husband will forgive you over time? I know for certain I couldn't forgive my husband if he had an affair, I couldn't live with the lack of trust.

Please go and see your GP on Monday.

MrsTinks

inarightbigmess wrote: »

I've had pretty bad sickness for a while, but I thought that was a side-effect of the medication I'm on.

I've gained weight. I'm very overweight so I don't think a bump would be noticeable.

Not noticed anything else, other than slight bad back.

I'm on loads of medication, don't know if they'll have harmed the baby

Unfortunately there is a possibility of that - you need to contact your GP for antenatal care asap to find out. As for tests then I don't think this is any way to try and "date" it... get to your GP and if they can't get you an emergency scan then cough up and pay for one yourself privately to get it dated - bearing in mind your medications then your GP should arrange an emergency scan to check for any anomalities and to date the baby.

inarightbigmess

I'll go to GPs on Monday.

Bigger problems are health related. Not sure how a pregnancy will affect that, I might have to come off medication, which will be hard.

Relationship was getting back on track before this shock. OH can forgive the affair, but can't raise another mans baby.

He is working late tonight, hoping he gets home soon, just need to talk to someone. Can't talk to family for obvious reasons.

MrsTinks

Don't stop any medications until you have spoken to your doctor - I wouldn't wait till monday at 9:00 tomorrow morning get on the phone to your GP and get an emergency appointment - if it's early enough in the pregnancy then stopping medication if not damaging to your health might still be in time - and if so then every day counts.

Nicki

Will the dating resolve the doubt as to who's the father? Could it be either man's child whether it is 6 or 20 weeks gestation? I think the HPT would be positive whichever to be honest.

If there's still doubt after the scan it might be an idea to try to delay the decision, if you can bear this. If you are only 6 weeks pregnant, then you are still at the most vulnerable point in the pregnancy, and you may not have a decision to make. Whatever stage you are at, your OH may well still decide to leave you anyway, even though you think you have weathered the storm.

Whatever happens, good luck. I don't envy your decision, I couldn't choose between my husband and my kids once they were born at least. If I'd been asked to choose before they were born, I'd probably have chosen him to be honest but it wouldn't have been easy. There'd be no way on earth I could hand my baby over forever after the birth though, and if my husband forced me to do so, I wonder whether I'd ever forgive him.

inarightbigmess

There was no overlap, so the dating will clear up almost 100% whose baby it is.

Thanks for your post Nicki, thats what I'm scared off. Its not made any easier by the fact that me and OH tried for a baby for a few years and I thought I wasn't able to concieve.

inarightbigmess

I'm waiting for a call from NHS Direct, to find out what I need to do.

inarightbigmess

Pharmacist thinks its unlikely that I'd get a negative at 8 weeks, so said it was most likely its my Husbands.

Assuming I am 4-6 weeks, what do I do? What do I avoid doing? I've never been pregnant before.

bestpud

Well it will be easier if the dating can tell you that's for sure.

If you went through with the pregnancy then you have to accept things may get very tough. It's ok your DH saying he can forgive the affair but how is he going to feel explaining to people that his wife is pregnant but you may not be keeping the baby?

And if you can go through with the adoption, how are you going to cope in the relationship afterwards?

I would suggest the two of you get some counselling as this is going to be a tough time for you, individually, and as a couple, whatever the outcome is.

Emms

You can get a DNA test done when you are pregnant by an amnio but its a risky procedure so I doubt docs would be happy just doing it for DNA purposes.

Emma