Complicated pregnancy - what are the fathers rights and what should I do?

inarightbigmess

Found a private hospital who fitted me in for an emergency scan.

Turns out I'm 12 weeks pregnant, so its unlikely to be my husbands.

I cried all the way through the scan, and all the way home. Feel so totally confused and scared.

OH and I have been discussing options, but can't seem to agree on things.

We agreed to tell the other guy, so he knows now. Just got to work out what to do.

Also worried about the baby - I've not been particularly good in the past 12 weeks, and could have harmed the baby.

Need to see GP on Monday.

skintchick

You need to find out if the medication would have harmed your baby.

Could you bear to terminate? If you could, then maybe that is the best way forward, and then you and your husband can try for a baby yourselves.

You need to decide what's most important to you and go from there. At least your husband is being as supportive as he be. You are lucky in that respect.

lindsaygalaxy

If you decide to terminate you can have a pill based one, not a medical one (I think at 12 weeks you would be just okay).

Too many babies are born into unhappy lives and it wont help any of you. Yes there is the option of adoption, btu do you think you would be able to go through with it, and do you think your husband will be able to cope, support you through the next 6 months, which sound medicaly will be tricky?

I think you are going to have to make a choice, the baby (though it is not a baby yet) or your husband.

skintchick

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

I think you are going to have to make a choice, the baby (though it is not a baby yet) or your husband.

In your opinion.
I believe a baby is a life from conception.

jasmin10

I have recently had a baby and can let you know that the firs scan is between 12 and 16 weeks depends on your area/doctor. I was unsure of my dates but was given a rough estimate of how far along I was right at the first appointment with the midwife when I went for the first time and the scan just pinpointed to a more exact time.

Morning sickness was from about 6 weeks I would have thought if you were 20 weeks it would have passed by that time. By 20weeks I also had the brown line going down from my tummy button.

Tests will work all through your pg as the hormone that they look for is always present during pregnancy.

hth, goodluck

elainew

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

the baby (though it is not a baby yet) or your husband.

Didnt want to involve myself but it certainly is a baby at 12 weeks. I lost my baby not long after this time and he was a tiny all formed baby . He had arms and legs but was just teeny.
Its a personal decision but how would you feel if you had a termination and then your husband tell you to get lost over the affair.

catmiaow

MrsTine wrote: »

If this is for real...
You made your bed by cheating on your husband - if I did that to mine then him not being willing to bring up another mans child would be the LEAST of my worries!
You have these options as I see it:
- terminate
- if dating scan dates it near a "questionable" event (bear in mind sperm can survive a couple of days after sex to fertilise and implant the embryo - so if you're I'd say up to a week after the incident you're "near") then you can carry full term and then have a DNA test - if test is not the result you want: Keep the baby and loose your husband or Give the child up for adoption.

As I see it then you have made your choice - you cheated on your husband. The fact he's even willing to consider a relationship with you still begs belief and if i were you I'd think really really REALLY hard before making your choice.

Dating scans are done around 12 weeks btw.

Agree with u completely

AnnieM_3

I'm sorry to hear it's not the news you were hoping for. I'm not going to take any kind of moral stance on this - obviously you are struggling, and have been for some time (mental health/relationship issues). I don't think crucifying you for your decisions and situation is either helpful or appropriate - how you got here is unimportant.

I think the only question you have to answer is:

Do you want this baby?

If you want to keep the baby you may have to deal with your husband not being able to continue being with you.

If you don't want to keep the baby, you have 2 options: termination or adoption, depending on how you feel about either option - either one would not be easy.

I feel very sorry for your husband being put in this situation too, but you have make the right decision for you, not do what you think you should or what your husband (or the other bloke) wants you to do.

I hope you manage to get your head together and come to the right decision for you - maybe you should take a couple of days to be on your own and do some soul-searching?

squibbs25

Oh hun, i don't really have any sound advice to give, just wanted you to know that i'm thinking of you.
I'm sure all ladies that have had kids will vouch that pregnancy emotions/hormones can be the worst ever, you can get upset over the silliest of things, things that wouldn't normally bother you can seem a thousand times worse. What you can agree on one day can change the next, For this reason it is crucial that you do not rush into any decision.

I think you need to work out if you want a baby yet, and if the answer is yes then you will find a way of coping. Then it will be up to your husband how he deals with your decision. Your husband might run a mile or he may be suprised that you will stand up and fight for what you believe in.
You must not be pushed or emotionaly blackmailed into doing what someone else wants you to do.
I agree with the previous poster who said to take some time out as this is a major decision that will affect the rest of your life.
I wish you all the bestwhatever you decide.

Squibbs

pepsicola_2

inarightbigmess wrote: »

Found a private hospital who fitted me in for an emergency scan.

Turns out I'm 12 weeks pregnant, so its unlikely to be my husbands.

I cried all the way through the scan, and all the way home. Feel so totally confused and scared.

OH and I have been discussing options, but can't seem to agree on things.

We agreed to tell the other guy, so he knows now. Just got to work out what to do.

Also worried about the baby - I've not been particularly good in the past 12 weeks, and could have harmed the baby.

Need to see GP on Monday.

sorry this doesn't seem to be the news you wanted but please also remember that the baby deserves to know exactly who their father is