Complicated pregnancy - what are the fathers rights and what should I do?

inarightbigmess

If I was as far along as 20 weeks, would a test still show positive? I thought they didn't after a while.

Pssst

Iguess theres still a chance it could be your husbands? Either way I guess he loses because if it is his,he has to still deal with the infidelity issue and there may still be a breakup for which inevitably,he'll get finanically stuffed. If it isnt his, he either eats humble pie and carries on so pays, OR you both split and he pays again.

I guess its to your credit that you fessed up. Many women would have kept shtum and let poor old hubby bring up someone elses kids unawares.

inarightbigmess

Merlot - I'm an idiot, thats my main problem. It was a silly fling that I shouldn't have done - I should of addressed the problems I was having, but I fell back on old ways and used sex as a band-aid for bigger problems.

I don't think I could go through with a termination, the thought of it just doesn't sit well with me. It would be the most sensible option perhaps, but I don't think I could do it.

I don't know if I could have the baby adopted. At least then I'd have a few months to decide and to think about it.

Merlot

20 weeks? Have you gained weight? Have you had sore boobs/morning sickness in the past 20 weeks.

ginvzt

Call the doctor and say that you are not sure how far ahead you are. In that case they would probably send you for a scan straight away.

At 20 weeks I suppose you would start putting on some weight and you would probably notice the bump coming out a bit... Have you put on any weight recently? Just give a call to GP on Monday and you will find out. Good luck. And maybe giving some time to think for your husband will help. Try to get him to come to the scan - it might help him to realise that it is not baby's fault that you are in this situation. In the end - the baby could as well be his...

inarightbigmess

Pssst wrote: »

Iguess theres still a chance it could be your husbands? Either way I guess he loses because if it is his,he has to still deal with the infidelity issue and there may still be a breakup for which inevitably,he'll get finanically stuffed. If it isnt his, he either eats humble pie and carries on so pays, OR you both split and he pays again.

I guess its to your credit that you fessed up. Many women would have kept shtum and let poor old hubby bring up someone elses kids unawares.

He was alright about the affair. I thought that was the end of it, I thought that we'd just be able to get on and work things out. Now this.

There is a chance the baby is his. If it is (he does want DNA test) then there is no problem.

If it isn't, he wouldn't be able to raise it he says. Is he unlikely to change his mind?

MrsTinks

If this is for real...
You made your bed by cheating on your husband - if I did that to mine then him not being willing to bring up another mans child would be the LEAST of my worries!
You have these options as I see it:
- terminate
- if dating scan dates it near a "questionable" event (bear in mind sperm can survive a couple of days after sex to fertilise and implant the embryo - so if you're I'd say up to a week after the incident you're "near") then you can carry full term and then have a DNA test - if test is not the result you want: Keep the baby and loose your husband or Give the child up for adoption.

As I see it then you have made your choice - you cheated on your husband. The fact he's even willing to consider a relationship with you still begs belief and if i were you I'd think really really REALLY hard before making your choice.

Dating scans are done around 12 weeks btw.

inarightbigmess

Merlot wrote: »

20 weeks? Have you gained weight? Have you had sore boobs/morning sickness in the past 20 weeks.

I've had pretty bad sickness for a while, but I thought that was a side-effect of the medication I'm on.

I've gained weight. I'm very overweight so I don't think a bump would be noticeable.

Not noticed anything else, other than slight bad back.

I'm on loads of medication, don't know if they'll have harmed the baby

MrsTinks

inarightbigmess wrote: »

He was alright about the affair. I thought that was the end of it, I thought that we'd just be able to get on and work things out. Now this.

There is a chance the baby is his. If it is (he does want DNA test) then there is no problem.

If it isn't, he wouldn't be able to raise it he says. Is he unlikely to change his mind?

Uhmmmm and live with a daily living breathing reminder that you cheated on him? Do you REALLY need that answering???

ginvzt

He might change after he saw the little one - I thin it is still fresh for him and the wound needs to heal.