Am I just not cut out to be a mom?

Pooky23

KellyWelly wrote: »

I am a SAHM and have been for the past 6 and half years. I can't imagine having a baby and putting him or her in full time childcare and going back to work. I've done part time work and voluntary work in the time I've been at home but I wouldn't even consider going back to work until they are both in full time school - and even then I think I'd only consider part time that fitted in school hours. Once they are older I fully intend to work full time again, but it really isn't too much to give your baby a few years of your full attention and care - you will miss out on so much putting them in nursery or with a childminder and going back.

You sound similar to me!

I gave up my full time job to have my two children and I can honestly say I haven't ever regretted it. I was a SAHM for 8 years and have only returned to work now they are in full time school. Fortunately, I have a part time job in a school which allows me to have all the school holidays off. When they are older and independent, I will take on more hours. When I became a Mum, there was never any question in my mind that that would be my primary role and that my children would become before any of my own needs. It hasn't been easy, both financially and emotionally, but we made it and I am proud of that!

Staying at home was the right decision for me and my family but I fully appreciate that it is not for everyone.

daphne_descends

PeskyPenguin wrote: »

Some people can leave their babies with strangers for the whole entire working day and return to work...even if they don't have to. Personally, I couldn't drop my baby off, have strangers wiping her bum, feeding her, comforting her. Thats my job and the reason I had a child. I knew this before I was pregnant and more so after the birth of my beautiful baby.

Obviously I'm lucky that DH, baby and I are a team and there is no pot with lots of 'his' money and a few pennies in mine. I would never contemplate having a child with a man who felt differently.

This is MY OPINION and I'm entitled to it (even if considered rude by some!).

They're not strangers. I spent a month getting to know the staff before I left him there for even an hour. We then spent a further four weeks with short settling in sessions building up before I returned to work. This meant that my DSs keyworker really got to know him, and me, and my expectations. Stop making such judgments.

I have also loved the time I spent as a SAHM.

And me, my DP, and the baby are a team too. There is no pot with his or my money either. I too would not have had a child with someone who wasn't willing to share everything.

Opinions are fine, it's snideyness ("even if it's considered rude" - get over yourself) and smugness that's annoying.

daphne_descends

Pooky23 wrote: »

Staying at home was the right decision for me and my family but I fully appreciate that it is not for everyone.

That's more like it! See folks, you can voice an opinion without being rude, snide, or smug!

Pooky I am glad you're doing what's right for you and your family

thatgirlsam

PeskyPenguin wrote: »

Some people can leave their babies with strangers for the whole entire working day and return to work...even if they don't have to. Personally, I couldn't drop my baby off, have strangers wiping her bum, feeding her, comforting her. Thats my job and the reason I had a child. I knew this before I was pregnant and more so after the birth of my beautiful baby.

Obviously I'm lucky that DH, baby and I are a team and there is no pot with lots of 'his' money and a few pennies in mine. I would never contemplate having a child with a man who felt differently.

This is MY OPINION and I'm entitled to it (even if considered rude by some!).

pp it sounds like things are working out well for you ..

you make it sound as though mums who work drop their kids off with random strangers with no thought at all!
i use a childminder who my ds has built a fantastic relationship with, and i trust her 100%

also, don't forget that your child needs women who work.. teachers, nurses, doctors, dentists.. i could go on

just my opinion

whitewing

I have one DS (nearly 12 years old). I lived with his father, and DS attended nursery. I lived as a single parent and he attended nursery and then had an au pair. I am now married to his step dad and we work part time and are self-employed too (so generally are around before and after school). DS is driven to school by his step-grandmother. He also spends time with his paternal grandmother, occasionally his Dad, my parents, brothers, sister and aunt.

But I have always been his mum to him, no question about it. Any guilt I feel is my own guilt. As far as he is concerned I am the best mum in the world, even if I do say 'no' sometimes

galvanizersbaby

mrcow wrote: »

Hopefully you'll be bringing in someone external for their spelling and grammar lessons?

:rotfl: Love your posts mrcow :O

galvanizersbaby

Skint_Catt wrote: »

I'm sure I'll get slated for this but I thought the same way you do when I was your age. A few years on and I can't wait to have children and be a SAHM.

My personal opinion (and I am entitled to this though I don't doubt I'll get comments from someone :rolleyes:) is that unless you're desperate for money why bother having kids if you're just going to give them to someone else to bring up and enjoy time with?

SkintCatt - you are entitled to your opinion but you don't have any experience of being a mum yet so you hardly have any weight behind it.
Comments like this are bound to upset many parents so 'in my opinion' I think better you wait until you do have children before you make comments like this (though I suspect when you are a mum you may choose not)

cupid_s

squashy wrote: »

As a mum, the single most important think to do for your baby is to breastfeed, if you can. This in itself is far better at protecting your baby from being ill than any nursery mixing etc. You say you intend to return to work as soon as you can. Currently, maternity leave is up to 12 months, with SMP paid for 9 months, although many employees offer a more generous package. It is recommend you BF for at least one year (the WHO recommend 2) so that would tie in perfectly.

squashy wrote: »

I am a working mum (who wishes I was a SAHM!), I work because my husband cannot and we do not want to be destitute. My daughter is 11 months and I am still managing to BF her, it is pretty easy actually. She is eating lots of solid food now and has a beaker of formula at lunchtime to see her through. But there is nothing nicer than when I arrive home when we have a nice snuggle and I nurse her.

My career is going just fine, I don't feel I have missed out on any opportunities despite my mat leave. I still feel very attached to my children despite the full time job. I feel like they are getting the best they can from me. It can be done!

Thanks for your post…. One thing was the returning to work asap point directed at me? Cos I am actually planning on taking the full maternity leave and breastfeeding for about a year (DH being the money saver he is says we’re not paying for formula when I can make milk for free!). If I could take less hours I also would but I don't think this would be an option. I'm glad it can be done though!

KellyWelly wrote: »

I am a SAHM and have been for the past 6 and half years. I can't imagine having a baby and putting him or her in full time childcare and going back to work. I've done part time work and voluntary work in the time I've been at home but I wouldn't even consider going back to work until they are both in full time school - and even then I think I'd only consider part time that fitted in school hours. Once they are older I fully intend to work full time again, but it really isn't too much to give your baby a few years of your full attention and care - you will miss out on so much putting them in nursery or with a childminder and going back.

KellyWelly wrote: »

I don't mean to be judgemental and each to their own, but I just honestly don't get it...why would somebody who doesn't absolutely need the money do that? It is hard to be a SAHM but the rewards far outweigh the sacrifices.

But what have you sacrificed to be a SAHM? You fully intend to return full time to work when the children are old enough but if I left this field I’d have to find something else entirely different to do at a later date. Not easy when I love what I do and am not qualified to do anything else. If I had a job that I could leave and just find another similar one 5 years later then I wouldn’t even be asking this.

After going through what I have to even get this job I think I’d be sacrificing more than just a career to stay at home full time. The thought that I went through all that for nothing is enough to make me want to throw myself out of the nearest window!
And it was said it wouldn’t be for nothing because I’d be showing my children they too can go to Uni and get a good education. But what for? So they can never use it? My mom had a good career and gave it all up for me and my sister. I am eternally grateful but feel incredibly guilty because I saw her going to work, part time when we were young and at school and then full time when we were slightly older, to a job she absolutely hated and paid rubbish money. She ended up retiring really early because she couldn’t cope and now her and my dad have to manage on very little money. Her original field of work had changed so much in the time she took off she could never have gone back and that would be the case with me. If she’d have gone to Uni and given up her career I’d have been put off going to Uni myself.

I do agree that some posts who ask why I’d bother come across a little rude. There are several posters who manage to come across as extremely helpful despite their difference of opinion.

One other thing, I don’t see why people feel the need to point out grammar and spelling mistakes. I appreciate all comments, whether they have grammatical errors in or not!

Thanks

MrsTinks

Just wanted to remind everyone to be nice to all other moneysavers

I think there is no wrong or right way of doing it - for some returning to work is what works, wether by necessity or desire, for some being a SAHM is the only option in their eyes. I think what matters is that everyone is different.
My husband and I don't have "his and hers" when it comes to money - well we have seperate accounts but one never goes short if the other has money We are married and thus we share!
I just personally want independance or the ability to have independance. I was in a very mentally controlled relationship when I was younger and it plunged me into depression when it ended because I frankly had no idea how to cope on my own! I NEVER EVER EVER what to feel like that again, and to feel secure I have to have an income - I have to know that should anything happen then I - ME - can pay the bills, feed my children and cope. I obviously can't explain just how utterly vital that is to me... others have other reasons for wanting to return to work but that doesn't make them any less important reasons.
Ofcourse I will go on about the advantages of returning to work - it's what I want to do after all - but that doesn't mean I can't see there are advantages to being a SAHM too - it's just that I personally don't apply the same weighting to those advantages. And THAT is what makes us individuals

Baybee1984

Im pretty shocked at how judgemental people can be on here. It wouldnt be a discussion unless people have different opinions on the matter, so hardly think its fair for people should be shot down for giving their thoughts..

I doubt people are setting out to 'upset' people, but just giving their opinion.

If parents know themselves theyre giving their children the best possible life they can, then isnt that enough?

Ive worked in childcare, and myself am a SAHM.. so Ive experienced life on both sides. It totally depends on the families situations, I dont think its a case of right or wrong..

This isnt aimed at anyone specific, just saying I wish people would be able to give their different opinions and for those to be respected.