Am I just not cut out to be a mom?

themaccas

Can I just say that if every woman who has children decided to be a SAHM there would hardly be any nurses or midwives so just remember that when you are in labour or in hospital for any reason - your care is being given to you because there are working mums who (A). love to work, (B) maybe have to work and/or (C) care enough about providing a service to society.

Stop being so judgemental!

Carmina_Piranha_3

If you and your husband are happy to use full time childcare then I don't think other people's opinions should take precedence over that, but if the two of you didn't agree then that would be different.

I am a stay at home mum and I know I would be very miserable if I had to work. My sister works part time and her children enjoy their part time childcare. Brother and sis-in-law both work full time and their daughter enjoys her childcare. All 3 of us are doing what we want to, and all 3 mums are happy and have happy children.

To begin with I didn't think full time childcare would be nice for my niece, especially when she was under 2 but there really hasn't been any problem. She has a great relationship with her parents and other family, and is perfectly happy. I think that if you attended a family party you would not be able to see any difference between any of the children or their relationships with their parents.

Everyone is different, and just because some people don't like the idea of childcare that doesn't mean you're not allowed to. It works the other way too, some stay at home mums get grief, and people assume that their brains have turned to jelly and all they can talk about is potty training. It's an area of fierce debate :rotfl:

frannyann

I work full time and have done since dd was 18 months old. I had little choice as ex was 'playing away' and we split up. My career has gone from strength to strength, I think because as a 'working mum' (I hate that phase, all mums work just depends if its in an office or a home!) I have to be ultra organised and get my work load done in record time. I think it has enhanced my suitablity for work as head hunted to current position two years ago with an 8K pay raise! I think it has helped dd too, she loved nursery, transferred to school without any problems and now has just started secondary school taking to it, like a duck to water. It could be just her personality of course but I think the socialising she did at an early age has stood her in good stead, as she is at ease in just about any environment. Me working doesn't appear to have had any negative effect on our relationship and we are very close, (plently of hugs and kisses, which I am enjoying in case they stop when 'kevin the teenager' arrives! ).

Just do what feels comfortable to you, then you will be a happy mum which makes happy kids!

abbecer

I have actually been a stay at home mum for 3 years and it is so hard. I love the time I have had with my boys but it often feels like it is for very little reward. I am chewing at the bit to get back to work and feel 'normal' again. Infact I find out today or tomorrow if I have got my dream job that I had interview for. Only you can decide what is best for you. Go with your instincts and you can't go wrong.

Rebecca x

galvanizersbaby

Baybee1984 wrote: »

Im pretty shocked at how judgemental people can be on here. It wouldnt be a discussion unless people have different opinions on the matter, so hardly think its fair for people should be shot down for giving their thoughts..

I doubt people are setting out to 'upset' people, but just giving their opinion.

I think it is fine to give your opinion but I'm not sure I agree that some posters are not setting out to upset people - it could be that they haven't really thought about the impact of what they are posting would have on people I guess

I would imagine that being a full time stay at home carer for an adult would be harder than staying at home to care for my children but I have no experience of being a full time carer for an adult so all I could say is that I imagine it to be harder - I don't know from experience.
People that feel the need to offend others by voicing very strong opinions in subjects that they have no actual experience of risk getting shot down in flames in my opinion.

I also know many a mum that before baby arrived swore blind they would not return to work/or return to work and then either felt differently or circumstances led to them doing the opposite when the time came.

The OP should do what's right for her and her family - that's what matters

frannyann

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I also know many a mum that before baby arrived swore blind they would not return to work/or return to work and then either felt differently or circumstances led to them doing the opposite when the time came.

The OP should do what's right for her and her family - that's what matters

That would be me then :wave: Now I am glad I had to go back to work as dd is making her own way in the world as I go up the career ladder!

thatgirlsam

themaccas wrote: »

Can I just say that if every woman who has children decided to be a SAHM there would hardly be any nurses or midwives so just remember that when you are in labour or in hospital for any reason - your care is being given to you because there are working mums who (A). love to work, (B) maybe have to work and/or (C) care enough about providing a service to society.

Stop being so judgemental!

this is so true.. it is me or someone like me helping the sahm to deliver her baby safely into the world

only to be informed that i pass my kids off to strangers, or that i may not have found my true vocation yet!

galvanizersbaby

frannyann wrote: »

That would be me then :wave: Now I am glad I had to go back to work as dd is making her own way in the world as I go up the career ladder!

Read your post frannyann and your circumstances are very similar to mine - my ex hubbie and I spilt when my daughter was very young so I had no choice but to go back to work.
My 2 are much younger than your dd so it is nice to hear your story x

pepsicola_2

MrsTine wrote: »

Depends on where you get them from and what experience they have Ok I'm fortunate - I can easily check up on the experience due to links through my family in Denmark - my brother worked for over a year in a nursery, his girlfriend still does, my aunt works for the government and can verify qualifications and my mum is the worlds best "information digger"... especially if it involved her grandchilds potential day time carer
Infact knowing mum she'd find a friend of a friends daughter who would want to come to the UK and au pair who had the relevant expenrience :rotfl:
I have though seriously considered nearer the time speaking to my brother and his girlfriend and finding out if any of their friends through work would want to come and work as an au pair - but this isn't a position most people are in i know.

its an au pair you are talking about employing someone whose main experience is having little brothers or sisters and they dont need qualifications for you or anyone else to check. if you want a nanny with relevant qualifications then you need to pay for one and not expect a kid who gets pocket money of 50 odd quid for working 25 hours to be responsible for your baby. perhaps harsh but you go on to say how expensive schooling will be and yet you are prepared to scrimp on these early years when you can apparently afford better.

if you think this should be discussed on another thread like home education then im quite happy to having seen my young neice exploited by a family who wanted to pay au pair rates but have a moorland nursery nurse instead.

trancebabe

Cupid... it's going to be something that you and you alone will have to work out.

for me - the arrival of my first really upturned my life, thoughts and the way i viewed the world completely

I have worked full time after both my kids, the we needed the money and neither time I wanted to go back after having them. Once you look at that little babe in your arms, EVERYTHING changes!

Other people will always have an opinin and mine is that they're only little for a very short space of time in the grand scheme of life. Your PHD will be with you to use forever.

Hope you find the answers you're looking for hun