MSE Parent Club - Part 2

feelinggood_2

I find that I feel worse with help. I feel better if I do everything myself. My Mum does a bit of cuddling and the occasional feed. She did have him overnight a couple of times, but I just feel worse for it. A combination of missing him, feeling guilty and feeling inadequate I think. Plus I need to get used to not having any help, shall be doing this almost completely single handedly when I get back home.

Becles

feelinggood wrote: »

I find that I feel worse with help. I feel better if I do everything myself. My Mum does a bit of cuddling and the occasional feed. She did have him overnight a couple of times, but I just feel worse for it. A combination of missing him, feeling guilty and feeling inadequate I think. Plus I need to get used to not having any help, shall be doing this almost completely single handedly when I get back home.

I feel like that too. I was a single mother as my ex left when the boys were 4 and 2, and a lot of people expected me to break down and not cope. Somehow this fighting person surfaced and took on the world and won!

I really struggle to accept help now. Even when I was poorly when I was carrying Charlotte and in no fit state to do anything, I still felt really bad laying on the sofa watching TV while my Mam ran the hoover round and cleaned the bathroom and stuff or hubby was cooking and picking up after the boys.

It's really hard, but you do have to give in and let people help you if they want to, as it is for the best at times.

Krystaltips

Rmac, information on low milk supply and how to increase it here.. And galactagogues (herbs with milk increasing qualities) here

It's all good and well the health visitor preaching at you about dropping formula top ups, but if you'd been given the best support in the first place it wouldn't be a problem now... It also doesn't seem she is very supportive in her methods... Nobody should make you feel inadequate! Is there anything local for support? Booby groups (stolen from mfd) are great for sitting and ranting about things... and also cups of tea and biscuits...

SusanC_2

r.mac wrote: »

On the subject of feeding I ended up having a huge rant at hubby last night. He asked me a simple questions about the reasons why HV's push breast feeding and I managed to explode! The way he phrased things made it feel like he was criticising the fact that I am having to do formula top up feeds. And I was mad that he obviously hadn't listened to me when talking through these things in past weeks......Well he wasn't critisising, but being interested but not very sensitive in his approach! I hadn't realised that I am still so upset and sensitive on the issue. The worst part of it is that I am a logical and rational person and don't judge others if they bottle feed and know it's for the good of my LO's health but I feel so bad that I can't provide enough for her myself.

I really have tried and things are make worse over the last few days by not having the supply there to express. She had an 'extra' bottle feed of 3oz yesterday because she was so hungry.

All my HV says is to cut down on the ff and up the bf, but I have tried and it doesn't work - I spend days with LO constantly at the breast and screaming because she is hungry, yet my milk never increases. All accompanied by dissaproving tuts and looks from HV.

The thing I find hardest is that it was the medical profession which helped me end up in this situation in the first place. I had an emergency c-section, which I know know can inhibit your milk from coming in as quickly as a natural birth (but no-one told me) and then stuffed me with as many milk inhibiting pain killers as possible - the advice being to take them before the pain comes and as many as you are able to take, whereas I probably didn't need half of them and if I had been told about the milk inhibition properties I would have at least tried to cut them down sooner. Coupled with that I lost a lot of bood and have ridiculously low iron levels - I was discharged from hospital with an iron count of 78! The midwife who checked my iron levels 2 weeks after I went home said that I would only be contacted if there was a problem - no one contacted me, I had finished my iron tablets and so I thought everything was fine. However on being retested by my GP a couple of weeks ago as I was complaining of chronic tiredness it turns out my reading had only gone up to 80 and it hadn't increased any in the 8 weeks after that! LO lost a lot of her birth weight veyr quickly and so the midwife put us on formula topups. Everytime I asked about cutting them out before we became 'dependent' (i.e. we were at 2oz or so for 3 feeds a day) I was fobbed off with 'she needs it', but now I have a HV giving me guilt trips about ff anywhere between 4-6oz for 3-4 feeds a day (we are on about 6 feeds a day at the moment). And she seems to be getting hungrier. but she can't give me any new ideas to icnrease my milk supply.

I am now on numerous supplements designed for breastfeeding mothers and huge volumes of iron - expressing when I can (but not much there) and putitng baby to the breast. I feel that baby/I have suffered from missing out on those first few weeks of suckling for long periods because of the initial ff top ups baby didn't feel the need to suck.

sorry - that's turned into a huge rant, probably doesn't even make sense and is rather more detailed than anyone needed to know - and now I'm in tears and baby is screaming because she is hungry again and I know I haven't any milk for her - so another ff here I come

Quinoa is good for improving your milk supply.

Just remember that any amount of breastmilk is beneficial so even if you end up on one breastfeed a day and the rest formula your baby is still getting benefits fromt he breastmilk.

Another thing to consider is that when she drops the middle of the night feed, you may have more milk in the morning so at that point you could possibly express the extra to supplement the bottle feeds. (When Alice started sleeping through the amount I expressed first thing went up from 3-4oz to 7-9oz and then gradually dwindled until I stopped expressing and started giving her both sides in the morning.)

Also what do you do while you are feeding? I found in the early days that if I needed to just sit doing nothing or if I read only reading books about babycare because otherwise Alice would be grumpy like she didn't get enough to eat. I think if I was concentrating on other things it affected my letdown and she couldn't get enough. It may not make any difference for you but I thought I'd mention it just in case.

On the HV, do you need to see her? If she's making you feel bad all the time than it might be better not to or if you do need to see her keep them as infrequent as possible.

Do you have any friends who are formula feeding their babies? If so perhaps you cold meet up with them and it might help you to feel better about the formula you are using.

Anyway, hope some of that's useful and remember you are doing the best job you can and even if you never breastfed your daughter again she would still have benefits from the breastmilk you have given already.

tsstss7

rmac I had more or less the same probs as you and got great help from the breastfeeding councillor at my local maternity hospital and she helped me develop a plan to return to bfing from fully ff then mixed feeding...Like you I found that with mixed feeding I was gradually increasing amounts of formula given until it seemed unlikely he was even getting any/much milk from me.

No time now but will see if I can find a post I made on here about a year ago telling my tale later.

In the meantime hang in there - it's early days yet and tbh it's hard being a mum at first...it's just soo different to being childless the change can be a bit overwhelming at first but it does get better. Honest!

edit : here's the link I promised....

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.html?p=9713543&postcount=2661

Js_Other_Half

I did absolutely everything to increase my milk supply, drugs, constant putting child to breast, cup feeding (every 3 hours!) so not to cause nipple confusion, etc etc. After 3 weeks the infant feeding adviser suggested me buying a medela supplementer - i filled the bottle with formula, taped the silicon tube to my nipple and latched him on. The first time he used it was a breast feeding group, supervised my a midwife - it was the first time he'd slept for 3 solid hours.

For those of you who don't want to bottle feed, but don't have enough milk, it may be worth considering - you get some of the benefits of breast feeding eg less ear infections.
The infant feeding adviser told me that women who've undergone IVF and other fertility treatment may have more problems with milk production, as well as those women with thyroid problems.

<hugs> to those who are feeling guility over it - I was exhausted and spent a fortune on trying to increase my milk.

emlou2009

well ladies i wont keep you wondering any longer, yes my OH is just as pathetic at the shopping as all the rest of them, he came back with no less than 5kg :eek: of big baking potatoes, frozen sausages, frozen chicken, 5 packs of maryland cookies, beer and a bag of pears "to be healthy".....

i get so fed up with him on his days off, we never go out and do anything cos all he does is spend the days sat on the xbox and all i do is clean cos he has seth while he's got residence of the sofa taken up :rolleyes:
after tesco this morning he decided to get on the pesky thing again after playing with seth til he got grumpy so in an effort to not lose my temper with OH i decided to go out. i was out for half an hour and got a call saying seth was overtired and crying and i had to go home cos OH wanted to try either the buggy to get him off to sleep which was in the car or going for a drive. when i got home he had stopped crying but was wide awake and refusing to sleep, he was awake for over 5 hours in total which is the longest he has ever been awake for in one go i think, consequently when we got him to sleep eventually it was a really properly deep sleep, he's still asleep and i very much doubt he will sleep well tonight now! :mad:

ladybird - i'm in fareham

i really respect you ladies having trouble with the breastfeeding and expressing and making such a huge effort to make a go of it, i was determined to BF but seth and i just couldnt get on with it, i tried expressing for a while but i got so fed up with leaky b00bs and feeling like a milkmaid that i couldnt wait for my b00bs to dry out, you're doing so well to keep it up so much better than i did :T

SeptemberBaby_2

Hello ladies, absolutely no time to read the million or so pages since I last logged on . What have I missed??

r.mac & feelie, lots of hugs to you both. Please go easy on yourselves. You are wonderful Mothers!

I have today received a 'Close Baby Carrier' to review and just tried it out on DH and a teddy! :rotfl:. So very funny!! . Has anyone tried one? I'm thinking it would be really handy when we go away.

xx

astonsmummy

r.mac wrote: »

I promise this is mse related! Does anyone know if there are digital thermometers in the asda baby event????

No but they have 2 for £20 in Lloyds pharmacy.
They also have a set of baby monitors and a digital ear thermomenter for £20 too.
Bargains I think.

astonsmummy

Morning all.
Thanks for all the advice.
We have been trying to introduce a light bedtime routine and it seems to be working out ok, although he still wakes every 3 hours a for a feed at night, but at least we get 'us time' in the evening before we go to bed.
The thing is I wont bath any of my kids every night because I think it dries their skin out, DS1 has dry skin and slight eczema as it is, and in all honesty DS2 doesnt exactly do much to warrent him needing a nightly bath.

I have said all these things to my friend, she seemed perkier when i spoke to her today but I have been there before and you end up putting a front on, I wish I lived nearer.
I told her the baby wouldnt ever get took off her, she's not a failure and that anti D's dont need to be addictive.
I also explained to her what happend when I had PND with DS1, how I eneded up taking 2 overdoses, rejected him, Mum had to take time off work as I couldnt even look at my son, quite frankly it was the worst time of my life and I wish i had of sorted it out in the beggining instead of leaving it to get worse.
I think though that her main problem is breastfeeding/expressing, it's the most natural thing in the world but my god does it cause women a load of strife!
I think she felt like a failiure for not producing enough milk, bubs not latching on well etc, and her OH was being a bit millitant about it all, saying it's best for baby etc, which I know it is but if the mum is getting really depressed about it all then IMO its not best for either of them, then her other friend, keeps texting her asking how BF is going, and telling her she shouldnt give up or she is being selfish etc! I wish I had her number coz i'd phone her and give her a bloody mouthful! :rolleyes:
But she has now spoke to her OH and he has 'agreed' :rolleyes: she can FF if she wants, I told her not to feel guilty, and quite franly to sod what anyone else thinks, it's her baby, her body, noone elses business!

AND BREATHE!