Grandmother moving in with me

superpup

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I think when you talk about 'going into a home', and your reluctance to consider it, you may not be aware of all the options there are these days.

What might give your gran a bit of company plus the reassurance of knowing help was available if needed is Sheltered Housing: independent flats with a warden either on site or on call. Often there's a shared lounge or activities arranged.

Then there's Very Sheltered Housing. Again, independent flats, but more help available for those who need it.

Residential care comes some way after that: no kitchen, meals provided etc.

Sometimes you get all three on the same site, which means that residents can move from one 'tier' to the next if the need arises.

Looking into what's available either near where Gran is now or near you could be worthwhile. One obvious advantage of near where she is now is that she'll still know people around, and her way around the area.

See, we're good at raising more questions as well as suggesting answers ...

thank you savvy sue

We discussed sheltered housing at the weekend. Her niece called while I was there as she's looking at a place for her Mum. She'd already mentioned it to my Nan but she's not keen at all. Whilst she would rather she was fit and well enough to stay on her own, in her own house, if she's going to move, she would rather it be in with me than somewhere else.

I think the biggest problem with other options is that my Grandparents, especially my Nan, have always mixed with family. My Nan had 4 sisters and a brother. The 5 sisters, along with their husbands, always went on holiday together every year, went dancing together, did everything together and never mixed with 'friends'. Whilst she's lonely now, it's because there is only 3 sisters left, who she isn't able to see very often due to her (and their) health, and because my Grandad passed away 2 and 1/2 years ago.

She really doesn't like to mix and has little patience with other people (this makes her sound terrible but she isn't really ). She is polite but just isn't comfortable in those situations. Therefore, where she lives now, there isn't really anyone to visit her very much. She would have far more contact with the family that she craves if she was with me. My first thought was warden controlled housing near me but when I suggested actually moving in with me, she was much keener than the first option.

The thing that she would be giving up more than anything is her house, her home. That will have to happen anyway whether she moves in with me or goes for warden controlled housing. The very sporadic contact with her sisters would be replaced by regular contact with myself, my DDs, their boyfriends and her great great grandson. I also have mostly elderly neighbours who would be happy to pop their heads in quickly if that was what she wanted (and they didn't ask her too many questions, earning themselves the label 'nosy' ).

I hope I haven't made her sound horrible. It's just that she's kind of stuck in her ways and I think having to leave her home is the worse thing she's going to face after losing my Granddad. I intend to encourage her, very slowly, to make some contacts outside of family but I have a feeling she'll resist it. I think she needs some male contact and my dog's just not going to cut it

Thank you for the suggestions, it is making me think and will hopefully end up with me helping my Nan to make the right decision. Although it's looking as though she'll be coming to me in the New Year, it could still go absolutely anywhere so I need to bear everything in mind.

sp x

superpup

I wanted to write a short post, just to show I can sometimes :rolleyes:

sandraroffey

do talk to the social services. a lot of the aids that may be needed, including putting in a shower, or aids and hoists to get in and out the bath, and walking frames, they will do for you at no cost. they did this for my dad. they put a stair lift in as well.

superpup

sandraroffey wrote: »

do talk to the social services. a lot of the aids that may be needed, including putting in a shower, or aids and hoists to get in and out the bath, and walking frames, they will do for you at no cost. they did this for my dad. they put a stair lift in as well.

Thank you. I think I will have a chat with SS near my Nan as has been previously mentioned, if she's registered with them at home, the transition will be easier when she moves.

I'm not sure whether we will be able to get anything paid for as she will have the proceeds from her house once it's sold. Can only ask anyway.

Night x

Errata

Thanks to SS for drawing our attention to all the alternatives available when someone can no longer manage to live in the family home.
But what could be nicer than living in the bosom of one's family if it's possible.

Savvy_Sue

Errata wrote: »

Thanks to SS for drawing our attention to all the alternatives available when someone can no longer manage to live in the family home.
But what could be nicer than living in the bosom of one's family if it's possible.

I think that depends on your family! :rotfl: Some family bosoms are more accommodating than others. Although it does sound as if that might suit the OP's gran.

But for some older people, the perceived loss of independence involved in moving in with family would be more of a problem than moving into sheltered accommodation. For others, it's the notion that they're moving in with a lot of old people. For a very good friend of mine who's just got a 'sheltered' flat I think that was their block, that they wasn't ready for 'this' yet, but having been to have a look we were won over! It looks and feels just like a 'normal' block of flats, even though it's all very disability friendly - which isn't needed, yet! There's secure car parking, and the neighbours seem friendly. My friend is still working, but probably for the first time in their life - certainly for as long as I've known them - has a secure tenancy!

Errata

Perhaps the crux is to find whatever is the best fit for everyone concerned.

mgardner

jeannieblue wrote: »

I never had the joy of grandparents.. I can't give you advice.

But I feel compelled to tell you that you are a lovely thoughtful caring person and I wish you and grandmother well, and hope you share some lovely times together.

I see a previous poster mentioned help the aged - I've heard that they are very helpful and full of good advice.

I wish you well, you are a lovely kind nice person - the world needs more people like you - what a great place it would be, good luck, keep us informed. x x x

Oh I cannot begin to imagine not having a grandmother I feel so sorry for you
jennieblue, but still you grew up to be such a nice caring person in that you can reach out and support, Well done you

superpup

Hi again everyone

I think Errata has summed it up very well. If my Nan has to move out of her home, she would rather be in our family 'bosom' than in a strange place. I know she'd get used to somewhere else eventually but I am very confident she would be much much happier with me. She can be a pain but she also says some very funny things (usually unintentionally ) that really make me giggle. I am looking forward to having her here but I know it's not going to be a walk in the park.

My Dad phoned yesterday to say that he'd spoken to Nan on Sunday (he phones her every Sunday) and said she seemed very receptive to moving in with me when she's ready. He told her he thought it was a good idea and will keep being positive about it each time he speaks to her (without overdoing it).

sp x

Errata

Sounds like your nan might actually be looking forward to moving in with you !
Couple of things crossed my mind. You could get an occupational therapist to assess your nan privately when she moves into your home. That way you'd get it done quickly and get all the info/suggestions/advice to make her as comfy and safe in her new environment as possible. You could probably track one down through your GP, some NHS OT's do private assessments and it shouldn't be too expensive.
You mentioned your rug in one of your posts. One of the things that causes a great many slips, trips and falls is rugs and an OT would give you some sound advice about this.
Your nan reminds me so much of my elderly aunt who moved in with her daughter when she was 90. She loved having all the life of a family around her, the jokes, the gossip, the little private conversations. I hope your nan is as happy as she was.
Couple of things to think about: weekly hairdresser? chiropodist for home visits?