Grandmother moving in with me

superpup

Errata wrote: »

AA isn't means tested and doesn't depend on National Insurance contributions. Given your nan's age she would almost automatically get the higher rate. Go for it - it will pay for treats for her.

Thank you Errata. You and elsien know everything :A

sp x

Errata

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Nope, you've mistaken me for my mother !

elsien

That's quite impressive on the quote front - I tried to get an emergency plumber a while back, and no-one wanted to know. And I live in a part of town that is forever eastern europe.


Here's the info on attendance allowance - looks like you might be in for some fun treats! http://www.helptheaged.org.uk/en-gb/AdviceSupport/FinancialAdvice/HelpClaimingBenefits/AttendanceAllowance/as_attendance_130106_3.htm

It makes you look worse than you think you are, so might freak your grandma out to start with. My nan has help sorting out (but not actually taking) her medication and help with cleaning, shopping etc, and needs help to take part in social/leisure activities. My dad has now taken over the money side of things. Other than that she's very independent, so if she qualifies, your nan might. Doesn't hurt to ask. I'd check with CAB, or age concern or someone before you send it off, as they'll know which are the really vital bits to get in.
I foresee tea at the Ritz coming in at some point.:D

superpup

elsien wrote: »

That's quite impressive on the quote front - I tried to get an emergency plumber a while back, and no-one wanted to know. And I live in a part of town that is forever eastern europe.


Here's the info on attendance allowance - looks like you might be in for some fun treats! http://www.helptheaged.org.uk/en-gb/AdviceSupport/FinancialAdvice/HelpClaimingBenefits/AttendanceAllowance/as_attendance_130106_3.htm

It makes you look worse than you think you are, so might freak your grandma out to start with. My nan has help sorting out (but not actually taking) her medication and help with cleaning, shopping etc, and needs help to take part in social/leisure activities. My dad has now taken over the money side of things. Other than that she's very independent, so if she qualifies, your nan might. Doesn't hurt to ask. I'd check with CAB, or age concern or someone before you send it off, as they'll know which are the really vital bits to get in.
I foresee tea at the Ritz coming in at some point.:D

Hmmm... I did the same thing with plumbers a while ago (rang them, nothing else, honest!) and only a couple turned up and neither of them quoted so it is better this time. We will see...

Blimey, that seems generous! I'm not sure whether we'll qualify right away. To begin with, I'll be taking her a cup of tea and b'fast if she wants it first thing. Probably won't help her get dressed as it'll be too early for her to get up. She'll take her time and do this herself. I'll be making a hot meal for her to warm up in the microwave for her lunch. Then I'll make her a light dinner/supper when I get home. I'll also help her wash if necessary but I think she won't have any of that in her current condition. I'll be taking her out shopping. She won't really do any cleaning but will she be expected to be doing that while she's living with me?

Seems wrong really. I mean I'll claim it if it's available but isn't it mad that some elderly people really really struggle to pay fuel bills etc but my Nan is getting a fortune thrown at her right now, that tbh, she doesn't need and can't spend.

I'll suggest the Ritz but I think I'm going to have to go posher, step-by-step. We're on Sainsbury's cafe at the moment

sp x

foxxymynx

superpup wrote: »

Hi

I'd be really grateful for any advice anyone could offer me please.

My Grandmother (nearly 90) lives about 3 hours away from me. My Granddad died a couple of years ago and she has lived on her own ever since. My father (only child) lives abroad. She has 2 elderly sisters living near but one, I think, has moderate dementia and shouldn't be living alone but that's another story! The other sister is older than her and rarely goes out and I think she has mild dementia.

My Grandmother is very lonely and rarely sees anyone for days on end. She doesn't really like to mix with people she doesn't know and has tried to go to a local group with others her own age but didn't enjoy it. She has osteoporosis and is finding it very hard to get around so hardly ever goes out now, getting a bit of shopping occasionally. I think she has managed up until now as she has always been very active, constantly gardening, cleaning, etc. I try to visit every other weekend.

As my Grandmother isn't coping, I have asked her to come and live with me and she has agreed. This has made it clear that she does need help as she is fiercely independent.

Sorry, I've waffled a bit but it's helping me as I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment.

I'm trying to work out what I need to get to make her life as comfortable as possible. I would like advice if possible please, on;

1. Stairlift - There are sit down ones and 'stand and perch'. I think the latter would be better for her as she struggles to get up from sitting. I am worried though that she wouldn't feel safe/secure whilst going up/down the stairs. Has anyone any experience of this type of stairlift? Do they feel safe or are they a bit 'fairgroundy'

2. Zimmer frame/walker - I work all day. She likes her main meal at lunchtime. I am thinking that I will make lots of meals up for her and freeze them. She likes roasts, cottage pie, traditional types of dinners. I can get one out in the morning then she can warm it up at lunchtime in the microwave. I've seen walking frames with wheels and brakes and trays. Are the brakes easy to use? She's terrified in the front seat of a car so I don't want her flying around with a walker, running over my pets . Seriously, I just want her to feel safe and be able to do things for herself when I'm not around.

3. Personal hygiene - I have a very small bathroom. Whilst I think I could fit a frame around the toilet so she can get herself up again, I can't see I would be able to fit any gadgets to get her in the bath. I'm thinking I could help her with a kind of bed bath sort of thing before bed (I wouldn't have time in the morning before work). Do you think this will be enough? At this stage I just plan to give her a bowl of water and a flannel as she's perfectly capable of doing this herself right now but I don't think she does this at home and I don't want to give the impression that I'm saying 'Nan, you're a bit smelly' but do want to encourage her to wash more regularly. :rolleyes:

4. Wheelchair - I want to get her out more but she can't walk far. Do I need to buy one? Or would she be able to borrow one once she's registered at my doctor's surgery? If she is able to borrow one, are they comfortable for more than short periods of time or would I be better off buying one anyway?

5. Familiarity - I realise this is a massive life change for her. Leaving her home of around 40 years, memories of my Granddad, etc. She loves her local evening paper so I thought I would try and get it ordered for her so she can still get it (although probably a day late). Any other ideas what I can do along these lines? I haven't room for loads of her stuff but I'm bringing her bed, bedside cabinet and I thought some plants and ornaments (I'll discuss things like this tomorrow when I go up to see her). She's not big on photos but I have lots and thought I would make up a montage for her room.

I'm sorry for the mammoth post. I probably have more questions but they're still whizzing around my head, waiting to come out coherently.

If you're still awake and have any experience and any advice re any of the above, then thank you!

sp x

what you need to do is call your local social services, when your grandmother moves in with you (before hand if you live in the same county) and ask for an occupational therapist assessment. By law everyone is entitled to one. They should be able to provide pretty much everything on loan. You may be able to get a stairlift fitted through them, but these can take some time, where I used to live it was 8 weeks for a straight one, 13+ for a curved one. One of the things you will likely get is a bath seat/shower board. It's a seat that goes across the top of the bath



Either the OT or GP will be able to refer her to wheelchair services, who may be able to provide a wheelchair free of charge, on loan. They're reasonably comfortable and you're measured for them etc. She'll also get a cushion with it. If she can't get one through them (she may be too mobile for them to agree) you can get them at a quite reasonable price or hire them from places like the british red cross.

I hope this helps, PM me if there's any more advice that I can give you - I had to go through this all for myself

elsien

Good old Sainsbury's cafe - a work colleague went there for their wedding anniversary, which I found ever so slightly weird.

Your gran can apply for attendance allowance before she moves in with you, if she fits the criteria. My gran has no help with washing or hands on personal care, and she does all her own cooking, but still qualifies, so yours must do as well. I think my dad must have reworded it when he filled it in with her, coz she'd have refused pointblank any suggestion that she needs "supervision" or was any sort of danger. (Although the smoke detectors get a regular work out when the hob gets left on.)

I know what you mean though about having money thrown at you, but if you're entitled, go for it - everyone else does. Don't forget that if she does need paid help in the future, this is where the money is going to come from. If it makes her feel better, tell gran you'll need it for the heating when your thermostat gets permanently set at 30C - I have to remove several layers of clothing every time I visit Grandma.

Errata

Superpup, you don't make the rules so don't feel guilty. Clearly your nan won't be doing a lot and will need assistance with some things and someone on call during the night - you. It may well be that you don't actually know what and how much of it she can manage without a bit of a struggle as you haven't stayed with her for a long period of time, and in any case we all make an effort when someone else is around.
The OT will be a great help in assessing what nan can do easily and what not and will also be able to give you assistance in filling out the form and also a supporting report. You'll be registering her with your GP as soon as she moves in and she'll get a full MOT which will give you an even fuller picture of her capabilities. Don't hold back, it could be coming out of my tax..........and I don't mind !

margaretclare

elsien wrote: »

I don't think attendance allowance is means tested, as my grandma gets it, and she's loaded. You also don't need to be actually getting the help it specifies, just be entitled to it - if that makes sense?
Still full steam ahead then?
(I've just spent a happy afternoon in Brum tracking down supplies of old lady aertex knickers - and they still make them! Guess what gran's getting for her 92nd birthday next week - I really know how to spoil her. )

Attendance allowance is NOT means-tested and not taxable, so it is one of the more useful of benefits. It is also not necessary to be actually 'getting' the help you need, only that you need it!

I have not yet gone on to old ladies' Aertex knickers - at 73, when do I have to start wearing these? I've worn Sloggi pants for many years, and I now find that Sloggi Romance maxi-briefs are the most comfortable.

Some of the more old-fashioned types of pants are available by mail order - there used to be firms that specialised in them. Only a few years ago it was still possible to get what were called Directoire knickers, knee-length with elastic, what the RAF called 'wrist-grippers' - but I don't know if anyone still makes or indeed has a demand for these things now.

When you're talking to social services about the bath seat etc, remember they can install hand-rails and grab-handles. It's not much use having a bath seat if there isn't a grab-handle to help you into the bath. DH and I have just come back from a 15-day holiday and then another weekend (political) conference - no, not THAT one! We have become connoiseurs of the different types of shower, bath, how to get in and out of (or not). The interpretations of our request for a 'walk-in shower' have been many and various. The only times we actually found a walk-in shower were on the Stena 'Hollandica', a hotel in northern Germany and another one in Holland, the Bastion group of hotels. This last weekend at the Hilton Leicester, we had a bath with shower over, and the only way to get into it was to sit on the side of the bath (for which I needed DH's help) and grab the handle at the other side, swing legs over, which again I need help for. Unless you have difficulty in doing normal things like get in and out of the bath, it's difficult to appreciate just what is involved and the damage you could do yourself if you slipped and fell. If I did that I couldn't get out again on my own and I can't risk fracturing my pelvis a second time. (NB: Now feeling less guilty about getting Attendance Allowance - people have said I don't need help: yes I do).

HTH

superpup

foxxymynx wrote: »

what you need to do is call your local social services, when your grandmother moves in with you (before hand if you live in the same county) and ask for an occupational therapist assessment. By law everyone is entitled to one. They should be able to provide pretty much everything on loan.

This one will have to wait as she's in the Midlands and I'm in the South West but I can have a chat with them beforehand so that I can try and get the assessment done as soon as she moves in.

Either the OT or GP will be able to refer her to wheelchair services, who may be able to provide a wheelchair free of charge, on loan. They're reasonably comfortable and you're measured for them etc. She'll also get a cushion with it. If she can't get one through them (she may be too mobile for them to agree) you can get them at a quite reasonable price or hire them from places like the british red cross.

That's good to know. She's not dependent on a wheelchair and I've heard priority is given to people that need them indoors. Nan would only need it if I took her out on a trip that involved more walking than round the local supermarket. I wouldn't want to deprive someone in real need of one when we wouldn't be using it all the time. Maybe this is something we should probably buy, but will hang on as things could change the few months before she moves in (hopefully not though )

I hope this helps, PM me if there's any more advice that I can give you - I had to go through this all for myself

Really helpful thank you. Re the PM, I will hold you to that.

sp x

superpup

elsien wrote: »

Good old Sainsbury's cafe - a work colleague went there for their wedding anniversary, which I found ever so slightly weird.

Yeah, I'm hoping to wean her off it...

Your gran can apply for attendance allowance before she moves in with you, if she fits the criteria. My gran has no help with washing or hands on personal care, and she does all her own cooking, but still qualifies, so yours must do as well. I think my dad must have reworded it when he filled it in with her, coz she'd have refused pointblank any suggestion that she needs "supervision" or was any sort of danger. (Although the smoke detectors get a regular work out when the hob gets left on.)

Maybe I'll send it to your Dad to fill in then...

Nan's too tight to leave the hob on :rolleyes:

I know what you mean though about having money thrown at you, but if you're entitled, go for it - everyone else does. Don't forget that if she does need paid help in the future, this is where the money is going to come from. If it makes her feel better, tell gran you'll need it for the heating when your thermostat gets permanently set at 30C - I have to remove several layers of clothing every time I visit Grandma.

She'll never go for it if I say I need it for heating. I feel the cold, she doesn't. When I go to see her, I wear extra jumpers and ask her to put the gas fire on for a bit.

Maybe I could use the money for her to have massages or something (probably only legs). DD1 is a beauty therapist but won't ever do anything at home as she says she does it all day :sad:. If I book Nan in with her, she'll enjoy spending time with her one to one and DD1 can't moan as she's doing it in work time. Ha!