Slaying my debts, the second year

Buffythedebtslayer

Good morning campers!

Lula, that whole false rountines things is so familiar to me. Mum had to go out yesterday, BIL is in hospital and it was such a relief to be by myself I cried on the phone to my (wonderful) best friend. It was a huge relief to get it all out, I felt so much better afterwards. Its difficult to find a way out but Lula you are right when you say I have turned a corner. I even think Mum might have a bit too, although last night we did have a row - we were watching something on tv and a friend never checked that another friend had got home ok and essentially left her to fend for herself and I said I'd never do that and amongest my friends some one always knows where we all are and we worry if not. Mum said well you don't always let me know and I sit and worry, now you know how I feel don't you.

I have to say I did see red, I ALWAYS text her and am famous for bugging friends to text me that they are home safe or out somewhere etc. I demanded that she gave me an example and when she couldn't I got really nasty and sarcastic.

I just felt she was being so bloody unfair. I am never good enough nothing I do is right or enough I always cause difficulties. I don't think she quite gets how old I am or remembers what I did when Dad was ill or how much I do stuff to try and make things better.

In 17 years of me going out she couldn't remember one bloody inccident when she didn't know I was safe - I remembered one - on a school trip when I was 11! and pointed out in the last ten years I have had a mobile she could have rung had she been worried and she said I would never do that, don't want to be checking up on you. I replied well if you want to be a martyer and sit and worry and ruin your evening - this evening you can't remember then that is your problem.

I hated being so nasty but I am sick to death of always being questioned and criticised. I honestly thought I had a handle on it all but it still affects me.

Any how. i must focus completely on getting out of debt cos that is the only way I can move on- even if I don't move out the disposable income would make a HUGE difference, i wouldn't be so restricted.

So I have 14 months.

I need to pay 1200 ish pounds off for the next four months which is doable so long as I keep to cheap Christmas presents. I am doing the basket thing. but need to find cheap cellophane.

I am trying to limit my spending money to two /three hundred pounds a month - 300 when I have to top up my travel and buy animal food etc.

need the loo! back in a sec

Buffythedebtslayer

So pay off CC by Feb 09. currently at 3424 so oct pay

448 on loan
856 on cc.

repeat four times. hmmm.

then feb to dec 09 pay 1450 on the loan each month.

which so long as I keep the tutoring job I can do.

so long as I am so careful with my spending money.

the trouble with this debt free newness is learning to wait for things, I got in this mess because of instant gratifcation. its hard to avoid that!!!

I should go get on with things.

happy Sunday xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Well I have been doing sums and working out money. I need a focus when Amazon or DP or Next or play or e bay come tempting me! this is all the materialistic things I would want when I am debt free and can have a mortgage.

Here goes!

So I live in my house, its probably a bungalow, cos I will be living alone - ideally in one of the bungalows at the top of my road so I am still near Mum.

It would have all laminate flooring and Lots of shelves for all my books, an open fire with a huge rug in front of it. There would be a big dinning table and a long curved sofa plus soft chairs. there would be lots of room for people to visit and eat dinner and stay over.

The kitchen well I don't know much about kitchens, but it would have everything!

And I would have a really big tv and sky+ against one wall, it would be easy to watch from practically anywhere.

My bedroom would have a huge double bed and dark furniture (sick of pine its all I can afford!!) there would be space inbetween the furniture. no clutter

I would have two pet guinea pigs and maybe two dogs. oh and fish tanks. some where. a big six foot tank for clown loaches and a koi pond out in the garden......

oh and some how in this miracle house I would be working from home and be very happy!

All this will happen once i have paid off my debts.


xx

pepe2008

hi Buffy,

just read the whole thread. And it was so good to see that last post where you are visualising what YOU would like in your life.
Thats something which most people forget to do, it makes the journey towards it feel much more purposeful ( word? ).
Try to put some smaller targets in there which are steps towards those bigger goals....and dont forget to reward yourself ( within you budget, of course ) when you attain the smaller steps. Even something as silly as a Curly Wurly or something can feel rewarding if bought because you had acheived that little step.

Pepe xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Wow Pepe, can't believe you read the whole thing! thank youxxx

Today was a good day, I got up early, did my exercise vid, medicated the pets, phoned various banks and credit card companies - did you know All*ance and Lec*ester are connected to MNBA ? that company is everywhere! nice man on the phone tho.

Then I went to work, marked books saw some friends and generally had a nice time. then I went shopping..... which was bad from a money saving point of view.

I bought
- two skirts (one of which I will take back)
- two tops (only three pounds each)
- a goldfish - for a quid
- a plastic tray thing to put my make up on
- some socks - which I did need!

and I kinda bought two things I didn't need.

a tin of biscuits. and a present for my Mum -total cost 30.50.

not great but not the end of world.

and I didnt buy any toiletries.

I am cold so off to find a blanket

see you all later

xxx

Lula-Hula

Hey Buffy,

sounds like you ve been doing therapeutic stuff . I think it's healthy to vent a bit & clear the air with relatives; on a recent holiday with dad, I ended up speaking my mind very clearly . I dont regret it & I think it helped redress the balance a bit & remind dad that I am actually an adult in my own right & that being constantly criticised or agued with does get a tad tiresome after some years :rolleyes: .

Anyway, glad you've had a good day today & I love the sound of your dream home, bookcases, open fires aaaaah

Keep focused on the debt busting, it's one of the keys to your freedom

lula x

Buffythedebtslayer

I really should check my diary more often.

I have decided to give up studying. Its some thing I really wanted to do but I don't have the time and mostly when I do have "free" time something else crops up and I don't do it.

I am writing this now cos when they send me shiny course options and try to persuade me to part with my cash I must remember wanting it isnt enough you actually have to be prepared to put in the hard graft.

and I simply can't do it.

xxx

Lula-Hula

Hi Buffy,

Well done for making another choice. I totally support & empathise with your decision, there is only so much one woman can do with her time :rolleyes:

Hope you enjoy the party

lula x

RosaBernicia

Hi Buffy

Good to hear from you, and just to say I also completely understand and support your decision to stop the studying. Your sanity is more important, frankly. (Says the woman who learnt this the hard way, ie. from doing a full-time job, postgrad degree and undergrad degree all at once.) You've got plenty to focus on without spreading yourself any thinner.

I love the sound of your house too, especially the koi pond, it sounds very peaceful.

Rosa xx

sarahb123_3

Hi Buffy, hope your outfit was a hit at the party;)

Re the studying, I really think you are doing the right thing. You can easily take it up again later when you have less on your plate, remember: baby steps. Everything you want can be achieved, just not all at once!

Love your plans for your house, by the way, sounds exactly like mine is going to be!

Sarah xxx