Slaying my debts, the second year

beanielou

Buffy~thank you for your open & honest posts & for reminding us all we must live in the now as none of us know what is round the corner.
This highlights what is so difficult in our quest to be debt free~the getting a balance.
Heres to all our debt free journeys.

RosaBernicia

Hi Buffy

Just to send you hugs :grouphug: - hope writing it all down helped.

Onwards and upwards little by little.

Rosa xx

(been off the board for a while just catching up)

Buffythedebtslayer

thank you bothxxxx

I am going to do this. no more debt. lots more choice.

night all

Buffyxx

mum2one

Buffy, my heart goes out to you, I know you have had some issues, and I just wish that I had a magic wand, as you are one of the nicest posters, and dont deserve all the upset you have had.
Regardless of what you have been through, you still put others 1st, u wear your heart on your sleeve, and I admire that, your still young, you have got your whole life ahead of you, in the overall picture of things your debt is one small part of your life, thou at the moment its being an intrusive part.

Regardless of how much you pay off your debts, you still need something for you.

Please dont make the mistake I made in life, basically since late teens, although only more recently being given a description of physotical epsiodes, I suffer with depression and anxiety, even though my dd is 6 and I love her to bits, because of all the problems I had with her father and his family, I have to set myself little goals, (very silly but), that if I can get through x date, be ok, then get through her bday, then xmas all with no hassle. Over the years instead of confronting my problems, I told the counceller what I thought they wanted to hear, and then turned to credit cards, I've paid 2 loans, overdraft, 2 cards, but I still owe a wack, but I run away from it, I pay them dont get me wrong, but I cant address the problem fully, in time I will, please dont go down the same route.
xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks mum2one- its so nice of you to post- please remember your replies mean such a lot to mexxx

my first day of doing what I want hasn't gone well, well I ve enjoyed it but it has obviously upset mum.

I had dinner but then I had to do some stuff upstairs, you know what I really don't want to go in to here, i feel incrediably disloyal. I love her so much and its all too !!!!ing hard.

so see you all tomorrow

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lula-Hula

Dear Buffy, first of all I want to say that :A for all that you have born over the last few years. To some extent I empathise with your situation; I lost my wonderful mother about 18 months ago & although i have 2 sisters & a brother I assumed the role of chief dutiful offspring. I am the first point of contact for the rest of the family when any 'events' have to be organised & I could sometimes screeeeeeeeam .

Anyway, basically I just kept on taking it & adding more pressure to myself - dropped out of OU course, debts mounted up I just didnt care, yeh I know how it goes. Thing is I ended up on anti-depressants & at that point realised I had to make changes, so hon, if that's where you find yourself right now then make every change you need to & it will give you back some joy. We who are left behind have to move on in order to survive, it's in our nature. I had to ease off on my family commitments & am now off the anti-depressants & actually feel that I have a life to look forward to now.

Every word you wrote was like an echo for me, you deserve to enjoy your life
too

lula x

Buffythedebtslayer

you ve made me cry. xxx I dont know what to say
thank you Lula, it really helps to know I am not the only one.

xxxxx

sarahb123_3

Hi Buffy, saw your thread pop up and decided to have a look to check you are ok. I am so sorry you are feeling so down at the moment, I read your post from yesterday, it's upsetting that you are feeling like this at the moment, your post made me feel quite tearful actually, really wish I could say something to make you feel better. remember that all the choices you have made are the best you could have made at the time, nothing to beat yourself up about at all.

Hope this doesn't sound patronising, that is not my intention at all, but I think your dad would be so proud of you for how you are coping and all that you are doing for your mum. I think he would be so pleased with how brilliantly you are coping, even if you don't feel like that now. You are being a tower of strength for your family, holding down a responsible job, and by the sounds of it being the sort of teacher that the pupils remember years later, one of the stand out ones who makes a real difference to children's lives. I imagine that is one of the reasons you went into teaching, and you are doing a brilliant job. You should be really, really proud of yourself.

I know what you mean about how your original life plan not turning out as you expected, you are certainly not alone there, I think everyone feels like that to some extent! Think of the positives here, you are not trapped in an unhappy relationship, you are a free agent, able to up sticks for a date or a romantic weekend or a holiday at a moment's notice. The perfect one is out there. He will find you. Don't worry. And he will be worth waiting for. And so are you.

You said something has shifted recently, and I hope I'm not putting my foot in it here, but I think you know you need to move out for your own sake. You need to stop feeling so responsible for other poeple's happiness. What about yours? You need to think of YOU. Anyway, re the moving out. This is what I would do in your situation. You know you need to go, but you can't just yet, because of money, amongst other things. Ok. If you look at your sig, you will see you are like me, joining lots of challenges, lots of plans, really keen for a while, then something comes along and throws you of course, back to square one. I really hope I haven't offended you there, it's just that I do the exact same thing! So, how about choosing one challenge, not joining any others, and just concentrating on that one. I think the £15k is a good one. Then, you see how much you have left at the end of each month, half goes to debts, half goes to a savings account. I know people say it is better to clear your debts before saving, but i think that psychologically you will feel better if you have something put by. Then when you feel like you were yesterday, being able to move out doesn't feel so hard or so far away. It will feel doable. And that will make you see things more calmly.

I hope you take this in the spirit it is intended and that I haven't upset you, just wanted you to know you have lots of friends here, and everyone is thinking of you. Sending you lots of big hugs,
Sarah xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Sarah how could you have upset me! You post is lovely, I get overwhelmed by how kind people are, and your post is so thoughtful.

I think you are right about the joining challenges and then losing motivation. I like the 15,000 one and the raise 1000 pounds in 100 days. I am using my tutoring/ Avon to raise the money for the bronze challenge. and then the 1000 in 100 comes from cashback (its AMAZING) and Ebay (the definition of boring) I think failing ou really shocked me.

Things are sort of coming together at the moment. I am realising things and then acting on them, slowly slowly. I really can't do much for mum and I need to get myself straight before I am much use.

I wish I could write more but I am so sleepy! but thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lula-Hula

Morning Buffy,

I've just read your last post & I think you're turning the corner now & things will improve for you . Like you said, slowly, slowly but surely & with firm determination those changes will start to happen. For months our family got stuck into this awful false routine of trying to keep things the same & having far too much contact with eachother when what we really need to do was to get on with our lives. I spoke to my doctor a few times before I took the course of anti-depressants & he was brilliant & told me that there are many stages to grief & that the final one is acceptance that things will never be the same again & that changes are inevitable & necessary.

I've started making a few myself over the last couple of months & I'm actually enjoying them because I feel like I'm living for myself rather than just to care for others.

I'm going to enjoy reading about what steps you are taking because there is a whole world out there for you to enjoy .

Take care hon

lula x

ps - feel free to pm me if you need to vent about parents & their routines, in private, I could probably rant for a good hour on that subject :rolleyes: