Not sure what to do...

aligerdie

hi there

Don't know why, but today seems to be a difficult day! I'm finding the money hard to manage at the mo, and it seems to have got on top of me. After having a few words with hubby, I am sat here in tears wondering whats the best thing to do.

For the last 6 months I have been paying our creditors using a payment plan I set up myself. It seems to be working well and all accepted my offers. I have been so proud of myself for sorting out the mess so far.

Only thing is the last month things have gone by the wayside. I'm finding it difficult to keep up with the payments and I'm ashamed to say I have missed a couple.
I really don't know why though. I have no money to spend on myself, I'm very careful with the grocery shopping too, and I don't go out.
My OH wages are seperate, we have no joint accounts (debts are from both of us though). I have rung him today to ask to borrow some money to pay one of our priority debts which is due tomorrow. I have just had an earful about how crap I am with money. He gets paid a fair whack, I see none of it other than the rent being paid. I have no idea where the rest goes, I pay for the debts using child benefit and my tax credits, mystery shopping, dirty texting and anything I can get my hands on, and I have nothing left over.

So, I have to contact the dca's who I owe the money to, but I'm going to have to reduce the payments as I just cannot manage.
I have no idea how to do this, what would you say in the letter to them? Theyu've already accepted the payment plan I propsed before, do you think they would change it?

Sorry to go on, I think I've just had one of those mornings. Its sunny outside, the kids are raring to go and I have no money to take them out (no diesel in car!!!) I think I need a kick up the backside!

Thanks for reading....

scorched_earth_erotica

Why are you soley paying for debts that are both of yours? He needs to pay his share.

angelflower_2

just dropping by with some hugs for you. We all have days like that so just know you are not alone. I would advise only contacting the dca in writing and sending them a copy of your revised soa so they can see that you are not managing to keep up. I would have thought offering and sticking to a reduced amount is better in the long run than missing payments.

Not sure where you stay but can you take the kids a walk somewhere? Something I used to do was plan a kind of scavenger hunt with them. When i lived in the town it was like a kind of bingo game, they had to spot certain things. You could even get them to plan the list whilst you grab a cuppa.

aligerdie

angelflower wrote: »

just dropping by with some hugs for you. We all have days like that so just know you are not alone. I would advise only contacting the dca in writing and sending them a copy of your revised soa so they can see that you are not managing to keep up. I would have thought offering and sticking to a reduced amount is better in the long run than missing payments.

Not sure where you stay but can you take the kids a walk somewhere? Something I used to do was plan a kind of scavenger hunt with them. When i lived in the town it was like a kind of bingo game, they had to spot certain things. You could even get them to plan the list whilst you grab a cuppa.

Thank you so much for that post, waterworks have started again! I'll draft them a letter to try and reduce the payments, I have no idea what else to do.
I have just realised that I have been paid for a mystery shop I did a while ago. What a relief as I ran out of baby milk this morning and was worrying how to get some more!

aligerdie

scorched_earth_erotica wrote: »

Why are you soley paying for debts that are both of yours? He needs to pay his share.

Because he has his head firmly in the sand. Any debt letters he has get left unopened on the side for me to sort out.
He thinks that because he's paying the rent (a quarter of his wages) then thats all his bills paid apart from bunging me 20 quid every couple of months to 'buy the shopping'. (we have 3 kids under 5!!) :rotfl:

GeorgeUK

I think a good kick is called for - but it wouldn't be aimed at you aligerdie. Have you posted up a SOA? We may be able to get some savings from that if you haven't already.

First thing i would deal with is any debts in your name. As you have no joint accounts, you don't need to worry about that - if he expects you to sort out any of his accounts then he can pay towards it himself.

It may be that he is trying to sort out debts that he has but which you are not aware of, but that doesn't give him an excuse to talk to you like that.

tyllwyd

aligerdie wrote: »

I really don't know why though. I have no money to spend on myself, I'm very careful with the grocery shopping too, and I don't go out.

I keep reading the articles in the newspapers about the real rate of inflation being more like 18% than the 3% it is officially. If you are careful with your grocery shopping, then it is going to have gone up because it is all the 'ordinary' things like eggs, pasta, rice that have gone through the roof. So I can't help wondering if that is why your money isn't going as far as it used to, with no fault of your own.

Maybe it would help to keep your supermarket receipts and work out what the real cost of your monthly shopping and petrol bill is - I guess that your OH is giving you housekeeping money? because he might need to face up to the fact that it costs more to live right now than it did a year or even six months ago.

Hope you feel better soon.

scorched_earth_erotica

That doesn't sound fair at all. The debts need to be equally split between you both or else you're going to end up in a lot of trouble and then he's going to wonder what went wrong and blame you for it.

Wannabesaver_4

Aligerdie,

Sorry your having a bad day, we all have them and we all have days where we wonder where our money has gone to so dont feel your only one - your in good company.

With regards to your husband - why doesnt he give you any money? Does he pay for food etc? Also why is he not giving you money for baby milk for the children?

Perhaps you need to sit him down and have a bigger conversation with him about teh fact that the debts are both of yours and you need some commitment from him to help you!!

In the interim, i am sure the peeps on here will come up with some suggestions of things to do.... Have you got a park nearby that you coudl walk to? Perhaps one with the kiddies paddling pool in? Its a nice hot day so a good run about in the park woudl be free and fun!

Have you got any ingredients to make cakes or biscuits in the cupboards? You coudl get the kids involved in making some bits to take with you for a picnic in the park? Free if you already have the stuff.

xxx

aligerdie

tyllwyd wrote: »

I keep reading the articles in the newspapers about the real rate of inflation being more like 18% than the 3% it is officially. If you are careful with your grocery shopping, then it is going to have gone up because it is all the 'ordinary' things like eggs, pasta, rice that have gone through the roof. So I can't help wondering if that is why your money isn't going as far as it used to, with no fault of your own.

Maybe it would help to keep your supermarket receipts and work out what the real cost of your monthly shopping and petrol bill is - I guess that your OH is giving you housekeeping money? because he might need to face up to the fact that it costs more to live right now than it did a year or even six months ago.

Hope you feel better soon.

Think you may be right there, the little ones seem to have hollow legs and they seem to eat constantly!! my Oh gives me housekeeping money every couple of months (about 20 quid!) and the rest comes from change in my wallet and very very tight budgeting from mystery shops and tax credits.

TurnaroundSue

aligerdie wrote: »

Sorry to go on, I think I've just had one of those mornings. Its sunny outside, the kids are raring to go and I have no money to take them out (no diesel in car!!!) I think I need a kick up the backside!

Thanks for reading....

Sorry to say this, but I think it's your OH that needs a kick up the backside. How can he put all this responsibility onto your shoulders when the debt is his also. Is he happy that his better half is sex texting to make repayments on his debt? Are they his children also? If so, why isn't he paying for them to go on days out and enjoy the summer holidays, why is this being left to you?

Sorry for sounding harsh, but I really think you need to sit him down and spell out the real situation and see if there is anyway he can see sense and see that these are his debts also and he needs to contribute - why should you take the whole burden on yourself?

Sending you lots of hugs :grouphug: and hopefully somebody will be able to give you some advice on the letter to the dca's - good luck