Not sure what to do...

SallyForth_2

The ideal situation would be to get him to leave - he pays the rent (big deal!) There is no way in a million years that £10 a month is adequate for housekeeping with three young children! Does he think, that the benefits you get somehow obsolve him from dipping into his wages?

If you were divorced you would get 20% of his income at least, for maintenance.

And going back to your tax credits, doesn't his income have to be declared on that too? I am certain it does, in which case, while he is in the house, you are getting less there too.

I'd say it is the final straw, get him to do his bit or he has to go!

GeorgeUK

I think you will need to get expert advice from one of the free debt charities. Dnacingfairy's comment about legal advice flipped the switch - why did your creditors agree to the current payments? Have you told them how much income you have available, or did you just tell them the amount you have without your husband contributing? Don't want to panic you or anything but if they are not aware of your husbands income and have been allowing reduced payments when he can actually afford the full payments - there may be trouble. I'd seek advice as to what your responsabilites (and his) are.

440*52weeks / 12 months = 1,906 takehome pay each month
1906 - 565 = 1,341 spare each month
Month 1 - pay off council tax arrears = 391 left over
Month 2 - pay off creditcard = 450 + 391 = 841 left over
Month 3 - 1341 + 841 = 2182
Month 4 - 1341 + 2182 = 3523. pay off car loan = 3523 - 2950 = 573 left over
Month 5 - 1341 + 573 = 1914
Month 6 - 1341 + 1914 = 3255. pay off 2nd loan = 3255 - 2900 = 355 left
Month 7 - 1341 + 355 = 1696
Month 8 - 1341 + 1696 = 3037
Month 9 - 1341 + 3037 = 4378
Month 10 - 1341 + 4378 = 5719
Month 11 - 1341 + 5719 = 7060
Month 12 - 1341 + 7060 = 8401. pay off final debt = 8401 - 8246 = 155 left over and debt free

If he can live for a year the same way you and the kids have - you will have no debts at all. If i were you i'd try to confirm his wage with him and explain that since you are so bad with money you have worked out that you will be debt free this time next year. After you talk to him PLEASE seek advice from Citizens advice or national debtline on exactly where you stand

GeorgeUK

Boss was prowling - got interrupted there.

If he really has this much income, he is either completely clueless as to the cost of living or else he just doesn't care about his family. Neither of these paint him in a favourable light. He must have other debts that he hasn't told you about as well as his own finances - lunches, possibly another car but even at that there is a huge amount of money missing that should be going towards the family. Even with 1300pm from £300 weekly take home pay there is a huge gap and i'm sorry to say there must be something he is hiding from you or else he has no respect for you or the kids.

Please do talk to him and don't criticise. Just lay out all the financial details, explaining how you are paying for it but also inform him that you will need to seek advice from a debt charity as you may need to update the payment plan you are currently on.

I wish you lots of luck with this.
You've worked wonders achieving what you have already but if his salary figures are as you have mentioned something has to change. As he has already had threats of bailiffs and doesn't seem phased about it - i don't think it will be him.

count_rostov

George is right, there is a huge amount of money going missing here. His basic is definitely £300 after tax? Could there be any gambling problems or, I hate to say it, another family?
I feel so sorry for you, you're being put in a really unfair position.

molit

HI,

not normally a poster on here, and am likely to be shot down in flames for saying this, but just dont want you to do anything too rash.

there are lots of very harsh things being said, and lots of people telling you to leave your husband. First thing I have to say is remember this is your decision, not theirs. The next thing is screaming and shouting at him might make you feel better in the short term, but thats just going to put another divide between you, and upset the kids etc. I accept that he is not pulling his weight at the minuet, but think about it this way - he works full time, probably at a job he doesnt liek too mmuch, could he be hearing we need to talk about the debts as "you are not earnign enough money, you are failing to provide for your family?" - maybe try reassuring him and try not to be too agressive, take him through the finances and explain how helpful it would be if he did help out with such and such. Its not impossible he is trying to service another debt, and is too embarrassed about telling you, and thats where the money is going. OR he may be a g!t and you are best to get shot of him.

Apoogies if this offends someone

gailey_2

I have read the whole post, sounds very awful situation.
I think you done so well to get by on the budget you have plus pay his share of debts.How do you manage to spend £160 quid on food for 5 a month?
Sorry for being dense but what does dirty texts mean? Like some kind of sex line by text?

Have you actually broken down debts into values of whats his and whats yours to give a clearer picture.
Maybe just list your own and anything jointly signed for so we can see how much your debt payments could reduce if you not paying your husbands as well.

Have you looked at entitled too website see if you are getting all benefits you entitled too.

I guess first thing is have open honest discussion with hubby when kids are in bed show if you soa, ask him to contribute more and what he spends the rest of his money on.

If not maybe best thing is go to cab office so they can help you sort it out.
I hate to see marraige breakups but if you were single you would prob get rent paid and have more money because you not paying his debts.

Where does he hide his bank creditcard staments then? You tried hunting?
What do your family and freinds make of situation?

I hope you work it out as whilst this continues you and the kids will suffer.
As for milk can you get healthy start vouchers?
Are you using cloth nappies? As that will save a bit.

aligerdie

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am sat here in tears now reading what some of you have said, and I know deep down you are so right.

Georgeuk - thank you for all your time. I don't know where his money is going, and to be fair I'm not sure I want to know. He works away all week so he really is only home at weekends, so what he gets up to I don't know.

I managed to get out this afternoon to take dd1 swimming which my mom paid for as she could see I was miserable, but doesn't know why. Amazing how spending time with your kids lifts your mood eh?

gailey - dirty texting, I mean chat lines yes, hubby knows I do it and doesn't have a problem with it, but sadly the pay isn't up to much and I end up working my backside off for pennies. I do mystery shops, site reporting, going to sign up for aqa, lionbridge and I've been doing slice the pie too.

I don't care what happens to me to be honest, as long as the kids are happy and clothed then I cant ask anymore.

I know that had he been helping me with money, we would be almost debt free now. He cannot understand this, and can't see the point. Afterall, because he is away most of the time, he doesn't have to deal with people banging on the door.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, I really can't tell you how much you have all lifted my spirits. xxx

aligerdie

count_rostov wrote: »

George is right, there is a huge amount of money going missing here. His basic is definitely £300 after tax? Could there be any gambling problems or, I hate to say it, another family?
I feel so sorry for you, you're being put in a really unfair position.

the thought has crossed my mind, but if there was anyone else I feel sorry for her!

moodydonkey

aligerdie, you sound like an amazing woman but can't help thinking you'll break soon. I've been there with my ex. Divorced and evicted a while back with two kids but survived and happy now!
Doesn't sound to me like your man has any respect for you or your children. Just my opinion of course honey but the very best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

aligerdie

moodydonkey wrote: »

aligerdie, you sound like an amazing woman but can't help thinking you'll break soon. I've been there with my ex. Divorced and evicted a while back with two kids but survived and happy now!
Doesn't sound to me like your man has any respect for you or your children. Just my opinion of course honey but the very best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

thank you so much for your post, how did you manage if you don't mind me asking? To be honest, I think breaking point is pretty imminent, and it ain't gonna be pretty!
The respect thing is something I think that is dawning on me, you are so right, and I know its true but I'm guessing my pride is telling me otherwise.