Not sure what to do...

aligerdie

angelflower wrote: »

i think you can see from this yourself....there is no way you can run a household and pay off the debts without his help. I think your soa is great and clear - how you manage to feed you all for that is beyond me!

This is what you need to show him. If he cant see quite clearly you CANNOT pay the debts, then you would be better off without him (not really but you know what i mean).

What I would draw his attention to is the money you have means you cannot clothe yourself or the children, you cannot put money away for christmas, birthdays etc (I know you have budgeted for £10 but would like to bet you spend more that £120 in a year on this). I would suggest to him that you need to pool your money (not necessarily in practice but at least on paper) so you can get a true refection of where you are as a family. Not even a magician will be able to keep up with the payments, he needs to understand this isnt bad money management.

What a journey you have been on even this morning, just keep going, you will get there.

Clothing comes out of the grocery budget when I can afford it. Kids are well clothed and all look lovely. I trawl the charity shops for them and they dress so well! One thing that has scuppered this months grocery budget is I had to buy a pair of shoes for the little one. She walks on the inside of her foot so I had to pay £20 for a pair of decent shoes.

Thank you for your last comment, I am feeling a lot more confident now after reading all these posts. At least now I know its not me x

aligerdie

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

Whether he opens the bills or not won't matter any more, you'll be well out of it.

You're his wife, not his parent. It's time he was given a bit of time to get used to his responsibilites - preferably a LOT of time.

Ahhh. the voice of reason :rotfl:

I am seriously thinking about all this, not sure my parents would appreciate me turning up with 3 monsters for a while!

GeorgeUK

I take it the rent only covers the rent - so that is fair enough

Can i ask who's name the debts are in?
Because you are paying less than the minimum payments, this will have affected the credit score of whoever the debts belong to. It could take a while to sort that out.

From what you have put though, there is very little i can suggest to make savings on. You can show though that you are £200 short each month even with the extra money you bring in yourself. If he can find a saving of £200 in there then i'll buy a hat and take it off to him!!

Council tax - if paying over 10 months, can you ask to pay over 12?
Mobile - PAYG?
Groceries - have you checked out the old style board for shopping and meal ideas?

angelflower_2

aligerdie wrote: »

Clothing comes out of the grocery budget when I can afford it. Kids are well clothed and all look lovely. I trawl the charity shops for them and they dress so well! One thing that has scuppered this months grocery budget is I had to buy a pair of shoes for the little one. She walks on the inside of her foot so I had to pay £20 for a pair of decent shoes.

Thank you for your last comment, I am feeling a lot more confident now after reading all these posts. At least now I know its not me x

sorry, hope you didnt think I meant the kids went without!!! Just that on paper, you cant afford and hubbie should know that.

It sounds as though this is more about a relationship than just finances. Praying this weekend isnt too difficult and yet, it achieves much. I think dithering dad really has hit the nail on the head with his advice though and am worried that perhaps your oh isnt really ready to be a family man. Changing someones selfishness will be difficult if looking at you and the kids over the past few years and wanting to give you everything hasnt happened already!!

just keep posting on here if things get more difficult and challenging.

milliemonster

Aligerdie, you want to be so proud of yourself! despite your situation you are managing to look after your kids well and you deserve a huge pat on the back for that, I don't know how you put up with your OH because as dithering dad has said, he would soon know about it if you did leave him when he would be forced to pay out a third of his income just in maintenance for his kids!, if he won't pull his weight I would threaten him with that, it might just do the trick

Have you spoken to your parents about how bad things are at home? they may be able to help, maybe not financially (and tbh why should they when OH doesn't even do that!) but they could offer you a lot of emotional support with this, I am sure if you wanted to give your oh a short sharp shock they would welcome you and the kids with open arms

don't let this situation continue hun, you only get one chance at life xx

Gemmzie

If you stop paying any of his debts, then he will probably get court orders or bailiffs. Should it be the latter - they can only take from the household, items that are his. If you have any receipts etc of stuff in the house that is yours, dig them out - they could prove to be important.

I think Dithering Dad is right though, he needs to buck up and learn to appreciate you more.

count_rostov

Aligerdie, I really don't see how you can shave any more off your SOA, it is an exemplar of DFW household management! If your husband doesn't like dealing with financial matters and DCAs, could he take over the direct debits for council tax, utilities, car costs and insurances? This would give you about £200 more a month to debt blast and occasional treats. He wouldn't feel as if he was paying for the (your?) debts directly, but would be contributing more fairly to household income.
Anyway, congratulations on running your house so tightly. You're obviously a very efficient and resourceful lady! Debt-busting is tiring and boring though.

aligerdie

Gemmzie wrote: »

If you stop paying any of his debts, then he will probably get court orders or bailiffs. Should it be the latter - they can only take from the household, items that are his. If you have any receipts etc of stuff in the house that is yours, dig them out - they could prove to be important.

I think Dithering Dad is right though, he needs to buck up and learn to appreciate you more.

He did get court orders and bailiffs, but I have had to deal with those too. I was suffering badly with post natal depression after the last 2 little ones and kept having people coming round. I couldn't deal with the worry so I contacted all the dcas and sorted out plans to pay.

aligerdie

GeorgeUK wrote: »

I take it the rent only covers the rent - so that is fair enough

Can i ask who's name the debts are in?
Because you are paying less than the minimum payments, this will have affected the credit score of whoever the debts belong to. It could take a while to sort that out.

From what you have put though, there is very little i can suggest to make savings on. You can show though that you are £200 short each month even with the extra money you bring in yourself. If he can find a saving of £200 in there then i'll buy a hat and take it off to him!!

Council tax - if paying over 10 months, can you ask to pay over 12?
Mobile - PAYG?
Groceries - have you checked out the old style board for shopping and meal ideas?

There are debts for each of us. one loan is mine and the credit card, the rest are his.
Because of this both our credit scores are shot to pieces. I did have a good credit score before i met him

Mobile is payg and is often without credit, not ideal, but not essential. I have checked the oldstyle board, sausage surprise is my favourite one! :rotfl:

aligerdie

count_rostov wrote: »

Aligerdie, I really don't see how you can shave any more off your SOA, it is an exemplar of DFW household management! If your husband doesn't like dealing with financial matters and DCAs, could he take over the direct debits for council tax, utilities, car costs and insurances? This would give you about £200 more a month to debt blast and occasional treats. He wouldn't feel as if he was paying for the (your?) debts directly, but would be contributing more fairly to household income.
Anyway, congratulations on running your house so tightly. You're obviously a very efficient and resourceful lady! Debt-busting is tiring and boring though.

I have asked him to help me out. All I get told is that he pays the rent and thats fair. (he earns £440 per week and the monthly rent is £565)