Not sure what to do...

GeorgeUK

If he thinks you are so bad with money, prove to him that he is wrong.

Show him the income and expenditure, then show him the monthly payments that are going to your creditors. Tell him how much an average week's shop is then ask if there are any other debts you should know about.

It should not just be left to you to deal with this. Have you charged him for the maid and child minding services you are providing???

aligerdie

GeorgeUK wrote: »

I think a good kick is called for - but it wouldn't be aimed at you aligerdie. Have you posted up a SOA? We may be able to get some savings from that if you haven't already.

First thing i would deal with is any debts in your name. As you have no joint accounts, you don't need to worry about that - if he expects you to sort out any of his accounts then he can pay towards it himself.

It may be that he is trying to sort out debts that he has but which you are not aware of, but that doesn't give him an excuse to talk to you like that.

I have no idea how to work the SOA However from reading other peoples I have knocked mine down to the bare minimum which I'm pretty proud of (this sites amazing!)

He isn't paying any debts off, he wastes his money on rubbish. Whilst I know he works very hard and deserves to treat himself sometimes, it just annoys me that I have nothing and seem to be constantly scratting around for pennies!

jeeeees, what a whinge!!

aligerdie

GeorgeUK wrote: »

If he thinks you are so bad with money, prove to him that he is wrong.

Show him the income and expenditure, then show him the monthly payments that are going to your creditors. Tell him how much an average week's shop is then ask if there are any other debts you should know about.

It should not just be left to you to deal with this. Have you charged him for the maid and child minding services you are providing???

This post has really cheered me up. Yes I shall do that for him and present it to him later!!! I can guarantee it will cause an argument, I'm simmering nicely just now but it might bring it home to him.

GeorgeUK

Here's a link to the SOA calculator. It should hopefully be straight forward enough, but i think you may need to be prepared for the shock of seeing how much it says is left over at the end of each month.
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

aligerdie

Can I just say thank you to everyone for all your posts. I'm now thinking that its not just my fault that I'm in this mess with the dcas.

This site really is amazing, and a true lifeline for me (i lurk normally!) I feel a little more confident now knowing that I need to say something to him and its not just me being silly.

thank you all so much xxx

aligerdie

GeorgeUK wrote: »

Here's a link to the SOA calculator. It should hopefully be straight forward enough, but i think you may need to be prepared for the shock of seeing how much it says is left over at the end of each month.
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

thank you, I shall do that now....deep breath!

tyllwyd

aligerdie wrote: »

Whilst I know he works very hard and deserves to treat himself sometimes ...

Yes, but you have got three kids under the age of five! It is tough, but things aren't the same as if you had no kids and you were both working. You aren't moaning by asking him to support his family - when they are a bit older, hopefully things will be easier for you both and he will be able to afford a few more treats, but you can't let him make you feel guilty for asking him to face up to his responsibilities.

aligerdie

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 0
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 479
Other income............................ 50
Total monthly income.................... 529

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured loan repayments................. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 115
Electricity............................. 25
Gas..................................... 25
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 20
Telephone (land line)................... 10
Mobile phone............................ 10
TV Licence.............................. 11
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 10
Groceries etc. ......................... 160
Clothing................................ 0
Petrol/diesel........................... 50
Road tax................................ 10
Car Insurance........................... 22
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 8
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 15
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 501

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 350
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 350

No Secured Debt

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
loan...........................8246......20........0
council tax arrears............950.......90........0
car loan.......................2950......50........0
credit card....................891.......20........0
loan...........................2900......50........0
Total unsecured debts..........15937.....230.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 529
Expenses (including secured debts)....... 501
Available for debt repayments........... 28
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 230
Surplus(deficit if negative)............ -202

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 350
Total Secured debt...................... -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -15,937
Net Assets.............................. -15,587

there are 5 of us in the household, 3 kids aged 8 months, 18 months and 5.

Go on....do your worst!

aligerdie

forgot to say, I have done that SOA based on what I am paying out, I have not included my OH wage and the rent.

milliemonster

Hi aligerdie, I just wanted to send you a big hug and try and offer a bit of help, I'm no expert but as you and your oh are together and have 3 children together, he can't carry on as if he is a single bloke and his money is his etc, he has to grow up now and start facing his responsibilities to you and his kids as he is the only one working.

Sit him down and TOGETHER go through your combined monthly income and combined outgoings, I would then suggest setting up an account jointly where a proportion of both your incomes go in to cover all your outgoings as a family, then you can both still have your own accounts where you have your own spending money for yourselves, this should be the same amount for each of you (£100 or so for example), if he isn't prepared to do this I would seriously question why you are with him? he obviously wanted a family with you but he isn't prepared to contribute properly? its ridiculous!!!

Having looked at your SOA I can clearly see how well you have cut back as much as you can, don't be hard on yourself you have done so well hun! but you need to kick him into touch now or this is going to just spiral out of control