Not sure what to do...

SuzySu

I'm so sorry to read this....and disgusted with your husband's attitude. I would be sorely tempted to leave, but only you know what is right for your situation.

He needs a wake up call......and soon!

GeorgeUK

You're getting £479 and he's getting £440 so obviously you're much better off than him.

Ask him if he's spending his money on drugs!! Seriously.
If he can't tell the difference between a weekly income and monthly there is something majorly wrong. Could he have a gambling problem?

If he earns £440 before tax per week, that is still about £1,350 per month. Where is the other £800 going every single month?

If your creditors had asked you to do a management plan properly and requested payslips as well as a budget plan i seriously doubt they would have agreed. From these figues, you should not need to be scrimping and saving. Are you sure it's £440 a week he gets? If this is the amount he actually gets AFTER tax then it's time to throw the dummy out the pram. In fact it's probably past that stage already even if it's before tax.

aligerdie

he gets £440 a week AFTER tax.

That is not guaranteed as his basic wage would be approx £300. That was what I based my figures on when sorting out the dmps.

I don't know whats in his account, he doesn't show me, I just find the odd wage slip in his pocket. He doesn't have a gambling problem, I know that, but he has just bought himself a new laptop.

GeorgeUK

Sorry, but i'm going to take a break for a few hours.
If i say what i think of him there's a good chance i'll be sued for libel or banned for overtaxing the swear filter.

aligerdie

GeorgeUK wrote: »

Sorry, but i'm going to take a break for a few hours.
If i say what i think of him there's a good chance i'll be sued for libel or banned for overtaxing the swear filter.

that has really made me giggle....thank you for putting a smile back on my face

milliemonster

he's bought himself a laptop when you've been scraping pennies together for baby milk and getting the kids clothes from charity shops?:eek: this man needs to be shot, get rid of him luv x

Gemmzie

aligerdie wrote: »

He did get court orders and bailiffs, but I have had to deal with those too. I was suffering badly with post natal depression after the last 2 little ones and kept having people coming round. I couldn't deal with the worry so I contacted all the dcas and sorted out plans to pay.

So this has happened before then. I think it's time to go huni, even if it's only to give him a much needed wakeup call. He isn't being fair on you or your little ones.

linniestorm

Hi aligerdie, tbh I don't have much of anything to add to help you in the debt situation, but you seem to have it in hand in terms of trying to pay it, and what you might be doing over the weekend to make it easier!

But after reading the whole thread beginning to end, I just wanted to say I think you're a legend :T in how you've been trying to cope with all of this, don't think I could have done it, and to even get to the stage where you're making payments towards this in addition to your monthly outgoings is fantastic. It seems so unjust that you're being forced to take full and ongoing responsibility for something you're only partly responsible for, especially as your quality of life doesn't seem to be even on the same plane as your oh.

The evil, twisted, vicious and bitter parts of me that want to right injustices, would suggest that if he continues to dump all this on you, you should stop paying any debts that are solely his, and write to the dcas involved with his work address and contact number and let him deal with the hassles for a while. But obviously this might have implications for his employment I suppose which then impacts on you if it affects what he has coming in (although considering what you've said his contributions are, maybe not!!)

Good luck with this weekend sweetheart, you seem to have your priorities (you and your kids) exactly right, if it comes to the stage where you have to leave him to it just make sure you and your little ones are ok.

dancingfairy

You seem to be doing amazingly well but obviously things aren't right. You are basically living as a single person family anyway and if you were single I'm sure you would be better off- one of the debt organisations would help you set up a repayment plan but give you money to live on.
I am concerned that you manage to feed and clothe the kids(how I don't know) but said something like I eat when I can. You need to be strong for you kids and if you are not eating properly... (sorry if I misread this).
I would get some help - maybe a friendly doctor, do you have a friend who would listen to you, or maybe a debt organisation.
I think things have to change - he needs to pull his head out of the sand and take responsibility. You may need to leave him (at least temporarily) to shock him back into reality.
I hope you can sort things out with him but if not you need to be strong and do what's right for you and your children. If you do need to leave him - get advice and plan it carefully - oh and maybe get some legal advice -I think you can get it free as you are on benefits so you don't end up responsible for the debts on your own. (not sure how they would work it out but best get advice).
Be Strong
df x

dancingfairy

Hang on - he expects you to feed all of you and clothe everyone, pay almost all the bills AND expects you to pay his debt off on your income? I think I would tell him where to go myself.