Not sure what to do...

moodydonkey

We struggled for years had to sell our house when he got made redundant so we rented in Norfolk for a "fresh start" continued to rack up debt, while I was working my (big) bum off doing double shifts in a pub all weekend he was busy impregnating his girlfriend. That explained where all the money was going: petrol and phone bills and all the perks for her of course. Anway I kicked him out had huge rent to pay. Big problems with council and wrong info so ended up homeless. All my own fault of course. Stayed with friends and family for 9 months. Am now in private rent (god knows how I managed that one haha) I should have left him earlier but didn't have the courage and I turned into 10%woman 90% pinot grigio.
After everything we've been through I'm happy now. Did Martin's budget thingy and I have 8 quid left each week woo hoo but I wouldn't change it for anything, it's only when you are out of a situation that you realise how it's destroying you.

Fidget21

Aligerdie

Have read through your post and although I can't offer any advice, it did strike a chord. So I just wanted to send you hugs and best wishes for this weekend and I hope some steps can be taken up the path to solving this (whichever path shows itself to be the right one....you'll know in your heart).

angelflower_2

just stopping by to see how you got on this weekend as I have been thinking about you and your situation.

aligerdie

angelflower wrote: »

just stopping by to see how you got on this weekend as I have been thinking about you and your situation.

Sorry it took me so long to reply, we ended up staying with the inlaws for a bit longer than expected. Not ideal but it was nice to have a break.

Anyway, a few things have happened since I last posted on this thread.

Talking to hubby appeared to be pointless, so I spoke to his mum and explained to her the situation. Luckily she took my side, and had a few stern words with my hubby when I went out with the kids.

The result of this is, I have some money in my purse for a change, the kitchen cupboards are full, and I had breakfast today!!!

things are still not right, but with MIL help, I'm hoping it will get much more better.

One question though, I agreed a payment plan with the dca collecting for hubbys car loan. Unfortunately I haven't been able to afford the last 2 payments and hubby is insisting I write to them offering a smaller amount per month. I have no idea what to say, does anyone have any ideas? I'm a bit stumped with cash since my tax credits have gone down by quite a bit.

Sorry to bother you all again xx

GeorgeUK

if you google: nationaldebtline letters

Section 6 should have some letters that you can possibly use, though you may need to amend them a little.

Glad to hear things are improving, but i hope it's a lasting improvement rather than - just to get mum off my back.

thepinkladez_2

here is the link for nation debtline

http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/debt_advice.php#6

catrin.williams7

:beer: I have only just come across this post and I just wanted to say how sorry I am that your husband feels he can put you and your children through this. It sounds like your doing an amazing job with your children, and I have so much respect for you for doing something so difficult so well.

I don't have any children, so I can't really make any comment on what it would be best to do for them- but I am married and I have to say that I would be heartbroken if my husband treated me like yours has been. Getting rid of debt is so hard that you both need to be utterly united in the effort, I imagine its near impossible to do if your not, let alone if one is being deliberately difficult!

I'm sorry if this is out of line but it also sounds like there are other issues in your relationship that are deeper than 'just' money stuff and stuff like this tends to always have out in the end- no matter how many times your mother in law gets involved. I hope his change of heart is permanent, rather than just a response to his mother's complaint- as there is surely only a certain number of times that this will work. Tbh if it was me I'd be wondering why is his mother's opinions/feelings more important that his wife and children's.

I hope you are looking after yourself also, it sounds like you really deserve it. Good luck and please don't get disheartened or brainwashed, it doesn't sound like your doing anything unreasnable and that fact you've given him another chance is more than I could ever do!:T

Dithering_Dad

aligerdie wrote: »

One question though, I agreed a payment plan with the dca collecting for hubbys car loan. Unfortunately I haven't been able to afford the last 2 payments and hubby is insisting I write to them offering a smaller amount per month. I have no idea what to say, does anyone have any ideas? I'm a bit stumped with cash since my tax credits have gone down by quite a bit.

Why do you continue to 'mother' this man? I would tell him to sort out his own loans\debts. If he doesn't and the car gets reposessed then it's his tough luck.

I feel for you in this situation, but I really do think that it's time to start putting yourself an your kids first. I'm assuming there may be a cultural issue here regarding divorce, but as someone else has said, perhaps it's time to send him off to his Mum for a while (with his debts) and leave you to sort yourself out.

strumpet

Although it is the hardest thing to do, I'm afraid that Dithering Dad has hit the nail on the head. There's not much more to be said really, chuck. If you can't work it out with him and get him to see sense for the sake of his kids, then leaving / kicking him out may be the only option. You definitiely deserve better and so do they. Your OH is acting like a very spoilt child and needs to grow up and sharpish. Does he think you have a money tree growing at the bottom of the garden. You need to tell him to wake up and smell the coffee!

As for you, you're a little star, managing to cope with all this stress and strife, keeping your kids clothed and fed AND dealing with this ostrich.

I applaud you.

And send you a whopping super-duper cyber Strumpet hug!

Strumpet
xxx

aligerdie

Dithering dad - some of the things you say are so right, however, whilst you may think I'm mothering him, its easier to sort this mess out rather than have people knocking on the door. I can't deal with that anymore.
There are no cultural issues with divorce at all, to be fair it is something that has been on my mind alot, but my kids adore their dad, and despite the fact he is a complete idiot, I couldn't deprive them of him living with them.

Strumpet - thank you for the hug....jeees you didn't tell me just how super duper they are i am thinking that a 'holiday' to his mums for a while will be a good idea soon if he decides to go back to the way he was. He's out with the lads this weekend, so we'll have to see how much gets spent, especially with his car payments being behind. (apparently thats my fault.)

Catrin - thanks for your post. I have begun to realise lately that the one person who he will only listen to is his mum, on the otherhand I know she stands up for me alot, so I'm pretty grateful I get on with her so well. The kids are too young (apart from dd1 who's 5) to know whats going on really, I have hidden it from dd1, and she doesn't know how much I've been scrimping to get the things she wants, but its worth it though.

thank you both for your help, everyone has been brilliant. xx