Single and in debt.

eco

dollydumpling wrote: »

Ossireo - hey there, just wanted to pop in and say hello and without wanting to sound patronising, just remind you to be kind to yourself. "stupid" "thick" and "pathetic" are pretty harsh words to use to yourself. You sound lovely, and not worthy of any of those words! I deliver assertiveness courses (amongst others!) for a living and have seen how much of an impact the words we use about ourselves can have and I bet that you would never say those things to your friends if he/she was in your situation so why say them to yourself?

Sorry, I can't quite get the words to say what I mean (I also deliver effective communication workshops - go figure!) so hope I haven't come accross badly. I just got sad reading your post and thinking of you beating yourself up for being nice and not wanting to let anyone down. Over and out before I dig myself in any deeper!

That's me I'm my harshest critic, and you hit the nail on the head with been kinder to yourself, this thread as been really good in making me realise I'm not the only 1 doing allthis stuff,

Ossireo

dollydumpling wrote: »

Ossireo - hey there, just wanted to pop in and say hello and without wanting to sound patronising, just remind you to be kind to yourself. "stupid" "thick" and "pathetic" are pretty harsh words to use to yourself. You sound lovely, and not worthy of any of those words! I deliver assertiveness courses (amongst others!) for a living and have seen how much of an impact the words we use about ourselves can have and I bet that you would never say those things to your friends if he/she was in your situation so why say them to yourself?

Sorry, I can't quite get the words to say what I mean (I also deliver effective communication workshops - go figure!) so hope I haven't come accross badly. I just got sad reading your post and thinking of you beating yourself up for being nice and not wanting to let anyone down. Over and out before I dig myself in any deeper!

DD that was such a nice thing to say and I am sorry I made you sad, you're an angel :A.

There are times I can rationalise things so well, then others where I just dissolve! You're right in that I would never say those things to a friend but very similar to what Eco said ... I am my own harshest critic to the point of abusive

I've decided to draw back a little and concentrate on each day as it comes to save myself going into hide mode :rolleyes:

How are the driving lessons going Buffy?

normdeplume

Hi everyone,

Thanks to those of you who responded to my post. Without banging on, it's been 10 years since my last serious living-in-each-others'-pockets relationship and I do wonder if people become so set in their ways that it becomes hard to change.

Anyhoo, enough already!

On driving, it took me FOUR goes to pass my test with a 2-year gap because I was so hacked off with failing! My bro-in-law told me that Nigel Mansell took four goes to pass his test.

'Really?' I asked.

'No,' he said, 'but it's funny isn't it?' I had to agree

beanielou

normdeplume wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Thanks to those of you who responded to my post. Without banging on, it's been 10 years since my last serious living-in-each-others'-pockets relationship and I do wonder if people become so set in their ways that it becomes hard to change.

Couldent agree more!

RosaBernicia

Hi all

Buffy -

I am frightened that not being able to do something as serious as driving is too dangerous to be messing about with.

- that's exactly how I felt about it, I couldn't understand why nobody else seemed to take it seriously when it meant I'm responsible for a half-ton or so of metal that goes 70+ mph. But that doesn't mean we can't do it - it just means we end up safer drivers :grouphug:

Ossireo , Michelle, Dolly, Eco, Borneogirl - I can totally relate to this too. I have been terrible at saying no, I somehow think I ought to be able to do everything and that to fail, say no, or do something not up to my own standards makes me a complete waste of space. And my standards for my own behaviour are way, way higher than for anyone else's! I wouldn't dream of speaking to anyone else the way I do to myself. So I'm trying to stop doing it, and be kind to myself too. Also trying to learn to say 'yes but' and set my limits, rather then either say no and feel mean or say yes and burn myself out. Not quite there yet, but improving.

Ossireo - I am impressed if it's early days and he wants to come along and meet your mum!!

Hope all are well and having a good bank hol weekend.

RB xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I have decided to give up on the men front. I cannot stand the thought of getting involved with some one and I am pretty much rubbish at all. That's fine I have been single more then I have ever been in a couple and when I think about with a bit more effort I could have a busy social life. I neither need nor want a man in my life.

It feels like quite a relief!!

so I will definitely be on this thread for the long run!!

take care all


xxx

runmichellerun

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I have decided to give up on the men front. I cannot stand the thought of getting involved with some one and I am pretty much rubbish at all. That's fine I have been single more then I have ever been in a couple and when I think about with a bit more effort I could have a busy social life. I neither need nor want a man in my life.

It feels like quite a relief!!

so I will definitely be on this thread for the long run!!

take care all


xxx

Is there a reason you suddenly feel like this? I do agree with you that it is a relief to be single. I find myself wanting someone now though - the loneliness gets to me sometimes.

I've had a second date with tall and interesting and it's going well so far. To be fair, he's the first person I've really liked in years. I'm cautious to invest my feelings in him yet though. It's very early days.

normdeplume

Good luck rmr and Buffy, don't give up, though you're right not to make it the centre of the universe.

eco

I've realised why I'm single, and it's thanks to this site, I used to live with a lad and when he left I realised I enjoy the space on my own, every lad who shows an interest i tell i'm not settling down or having kids but they don't seem to get it,and added to the fact i don't want to waste there time as well as my own, the way i see it is if i wanted to settle down i'd have done it long before now, if the right person came along i would settle down but as doesn't seem to be putting in an appearance i'm staying single like Buffy

sarahb123_3

Oh for God's sake!!!!!!!!

Just wrote a huge reply and lost it. Was about how I am just so rubbish at everything, Go figure. Am bloody raging now.

Right. Again. I saw a friend today I hadn't seen for a while. Gave her an update, mainly about the man I was interested in who doesn't want to see me any more. I had forgotten just how upsetting it was. I KNOW I made a huge mistake there, and there is nothing I can do to put it right. He was perfect, but I messed it up, and now that ship has sailed and I am not on it. I know he will have someone else by now, am unable to get in touch without seeming like a stalker. I messed it up and I can't fix it.

Drove home crying all the way, cue hours lying on bed, crying. I have wine now thank goodness. Why is everything so bloody hard? Am so bloody sick of everything.

I am 36. I need to lose weight, I need to clear my debts, I need to save a deposit, Everything seems so far away. I should be further along than this. And I know if I had a chance with him again, I would still mess it up, I am just not fit to be with anyone at the moment. Why is this weight so hard to lose? Just feel like such a rubbish mess at the moment.

Here endeth today's rant.