Bad Reference - oh yes they can

mrcow

Got2change wrote: »

As I give them a brief synopsis of how I got to where I am, I feel myself literally slumping and sinking as I tell them.... (in a nutsell)...

How old I am
The job I did
That I got fired from said job
My circumstances now

All it leads anyone to think is "You LOOOOser" - and that's how I feel.
I end up unable to string a sentence together - took me ages to think of the word "deduce" this morning - and feeling totally inadequate and stupid.

I nearly fell apart after being bullied at work. If you knew me personally, you wouldn't have believed it. I have always been confident, able and strong. People comment on my strengths all the time, I've never been one to shy away from any problem or confrontation. My mother couldn't believe what happened to me when I told her how I was being treated. Her exact words to me were, "You've not been brought up to put up with crap like that."

And if you ever met the man who did this to me, well you'd keel over laughing as he was the biggest loser going. He was a divorced alcoholic who had absolutely no friends. I think that's how it started as I gave him some sympathy and ended up turning myself into a victim of bullying without even realising.

There used to be a site called bully online that had some excellent advice and support for victims of work bullying and it really helped me to put the whole situation into perspective.

You are not a loser
You are not responsible for creating this situation
You have been very treated badly by a group of unprofessional unfortunates who you wouldn't even give the time of day to outside of work
They are the ones here who are making things difficult for you at the moment
You will get ,past this
You will get another, better job with people who treat you professionally and appreciate the talents that you have

It's just difficult to see this as you are in the middle of things at the moment.

After I quit my old job and started my new one, I got such a shock. I had forgotten how companies are actually supposed to treat their employees......with respect and loyality. I didn't realise how bad the situation was that I was in until I removed myself from it and found something better.

I can 100% promise that you will get through this and will be a stronger person for it.....but I also understand that you maynot take my word for it

floss2

Maybe you could leave the letter until tomorrow, go for a bit of fresh air and sleep on it...then come back to it fresh in the morning?

Things always look better in the light of a new day - and you may just come up with the perfect phrase to sell yourself whilst glowing in the glory of the other references....;)

Got2change

I admire you mrcow - soooo well done to you for getting over it. Isn't it weird how bullies select their targets? To look at me (then), I know that I looked as though I had all the confidence in the world, maybe that was the problem. And I certainly didn't actually have the confidence; I'm not even as lucky as you to have a mother who would re-affirm any kind of faith I might have ever had in myself. Just the opposite.

(Whoops - wallowing alert. Must stop.)

But I have to say thank you for what you say, I do really really wish that I could get past what happened; that's the worst thing, I thought I was heading that way and I've been chopped off at the knees. It is really hard to believe that there may be a brighter future.

x

Dill

G2C I know if someone had written such things about me, I'd also be angry and upset, to say the least. I'm not saying you should let them get away with what they've done, but making yourself ill stressing about what they've done to you will make things worse, surely.

I haven't followed your threads right from the beginning, but it sounds to me like these people have really managed to get to you and destroy your confidence. You might benefit from speaking to someone about this, an outside person like a councillor, who might be able to help you to deal with what has happened, and to see that you are not a failure.

Once your confidence is back up you might feel better able to tackle the old employers?

Got2change

Thank Dill- and of course you're right.

My confidence was only ever fake and fragile; the new job that I thought I had was the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I know I had pinned a lot of hope on it and, as it turns out, their recruitment procedure has turned out a little shabby anyway - so what has happened may well be for the best. I just find it difficult to see that.

I have "ended up" being prescribed anti-depressants that I'm not actually taking - and referred for counselling. See her twice but a lot of focus has been on my far-from-perfect childhood which may well have helped me get to where I am, but doesn't really help with the here-and-now. Anyway, I got a call on Tuesday and she has fallen ill so it's on hold now until she's better. Problem was same old same old though, one look at me (????) and no-one can understand why there's a problem. How little they know.

mrcow

Dill wrote: »

G2C I know if someone had written such things about me, I'd also be angry and upset, to say the least. I'm not saying you should let them get away with what they've done, but making yourself ill stressing about what they've done to you will make things worse, surely.

I do agree. I think that to keep fighting, even though they thoroughly deserve it could cause no end of frustration and upset, and for what? An apology? (hardly likely) a proper reference? (is it really going to be worth it or even going to happen?).

What bothers me about this situation is that they are going out of their way to make things difficult for you even though you've left and this is having an impact on your confidence and ability to be able to put yourself forward for other work.

Remember, not all companies insist on work references from your previous employment. You don't have to put these people down as a reference for a new job at all. Whilst I think I would still be on the phone to these new employers who turned you down trying to explain the situation, you don't have to put yourself through any of this.

Got2change

Have to go out for a little bit - will reply to you lovely people when back.
x

zzzLazyDaisy

An employer is not under any obligation to provide a reference. However, if an employer does provide a reference, that employer
owes a duty of care to the person to whom the reference is
provided. Furthermore, a corresponding duty is owed to the worker
who is the subject matter of the reference. It is necessary for the reference
to be true, accurate and fair. Also the reference must not give an
unfair or misleading impression overall, even if the discrete components
are factually correct.

It is possible to sue the old employer, but this can be expensive. Legal aid may be available, depending on your financial circumstances, for 'negligent mis-statement' but legal aid is not available for defamation.

However, you might wish to consider sending a solicitor's letter to the chairman of the company pointing out the potential consequences of providing a reference that does not meet the criteria od 'true, accurate and fair' particularly bearing in mind that the reference provided is inconsistent with the reference provided by the former director. This could be enough to make them tread more carefully in future.

bristol_pilot

Describing staying late at the office as 'poor timekeeping' is just ridiculous.

Legal aid is not available for defamation, but 'no-win no-fee' may be a possibility (you may have to pay for an initial evaluation of your case). If it were me, I would at least ask for an initial legal opinion. Journalists seem to be terrified of these people:

http://www.carter-ruck.com/FAQs/Libel%20and%20Slander%20Cases.html

Got2change

The problem with the job is that I didn't fit in from the outset. I could have turned myself inside out and back to front and it was never going to work. At the end of the day, it was a warehousing enviroment (even though I was in a fairly nice office - a legacy from more prosperous days) and the majority of my day-to-day colleagues had a different "mentality" from me (clock-watching for example), hence staying late at the office simply could not - in their eyes - be down to conscientiuousness (sp) or doing two peoples' jobs; it simply had to be "rectifying mistakes".......

The person who wrote the reference was not at the sharp end (a HR Manager who spoke to me twice in 6 months I think but gave my Line Manager a crash course in getting rid of someone you don't like) and wouldn't even have known what the day to day role involved, let alone the changes that had been made - resulting in overload for me and chances of making a mistake being very very high (but I actually made about one of any significance and if anyone had been watching my back rather than wanting to stab me in it, that one shouldn't have got as far as it did).

"Negligent mis-statement" is what has been suggested and the CLS are sending me paperwork to look through. Apparently, I have six years (!) to file a claim.

The fact remains that the reference is simply not well-rounded - plus there was no need at all to elaborate (to the point of the writing actually overflowing the Additional Comments box); enough was said by decreeing me to be "Poor" at everything apart from showing up every day.

Even I -stupid as I am - know that a reference is subjective - and I suppose that my disagreeing with it is subjective right back. But it is amazing that someone so "Poor" by Dec 7, could have been "Excellent" on 18 September.

I feel my blood boiling again. I know that for my own well-being I have to - much as I did with the grievance and appeal - get over myself and "Move On", it's just so bl***y unfair.