large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

silvercar · 3 April 2016 at 7:53PM

Person_one wrote: »

Yes, I get that it doesn't matter to you, but it does to others. Maybe even to some people you've eaten out with but didn't feel able to speak up.

I don't buy in to your assumption that I eat more than the average, I don't. So probably I am subsiding others more than not. False assumption to make that those in favour of equal splits are the ones that are being subsidised. If that were true, gradually people wouldn't stop splitting bills in this way, but it is still popular, so for some social groups it clearly works.

I also don't think that those who are financially disadvantaged don't speak up from themselves. As I said earlier, people discuss in advance where they are happy to eat.

seven-day-weekend · 3 April 2016 at 7:53PM

Person_one wrote: »

But if you really wanted to go, wanted to see these people and share the special occasion that someone has cared enough to invite you to, would the fact that you'd have to eat a bit less than others really stop you?

|Yes, it would spoil my night, I would feel deprived. I would probably go and have something cheap and water to drink if it was something really special, but the fact I could not have what I wanted would spoil my night, and in fact I would find it more of a waste mof money that if we'd gone somewhere cheaper where I could eat more.

And also I would feel they thought I was a skinflint and party pooper.

TBagpuss · 3 April 2016 at 7:54PM

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It's nothing to do with privilege - when I've been skint (a pretty frequent occurrence:o) I didn't eat out except for the occasional curry/Wetherspoons and invited friends round for a cheap meal. I didn't go out to good restaurants with better off friends and spoil their evening by ordering one cheap course and a glass of water.

That's just common sense and good manners.

But why on earth would it spoil their evening if you only eat one course?

If I were in funds, I might be happy to pay for my friend's meal, but if they weren't comfortable with me doing that, or if I couldn't afford to, I'd far rather that they came and spent time with me,even if they chose not to eat much, than that they chose not to come at all. And I wouldn't automatically assume that someone couldn't afford more if they had a light meal.

Not everyone has the same appetite. If someone only has one course, or 2, I would never assume that it was because they couldn't afford more, nor would I expect them to split the bill equally.

Person_one · 3 April 2016 at 7:55PM

silvercar wrote: »

I don't buy in to your assumption that I eat more than the average, I don't. So probably I am subsiding others more than not. False assumption to make that those in favour of equal splits are the ones that are being subsidised. If that were true, gradually people wouldn't stop splitting bills in this way, but it is still popular, so for some social groups it clearly works.

I also don't think that those who are financially disadvantaged don't speak up from themselves. As I said earlier, people discuss in advance where they are happy to eat.

If you're happy/able to subsidise others, fair enough, many aren't and I'm sure plenty are embarrassed to say so, or fearful of being seen as tight.

Person_one · 3 April 2016 at 7:56PM

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

|Yes, it would spoil my night, I would feel deprived.

You'd feel better sat at home missing out on the company and the occasion completely?

Jagraf · 3 April 2016 at 7:57PM

I've been mightily skint. I eoujdnt sit in a restaurant sipping a water while everyone else ate a meal. I just woujdnt. A restaurant is to eat in. Similarly I wouldn't eat a three course meal at a cinema. That's not where you go to eat steak and chips.

seven-day-weekend · 3 April 2016 at 8:00PM

Person_one wrote: »

You'd feel better sat at home missing out on the company and the occasion completely?

In some ways, yes. I would arrange to meet them somewhere cheaper at a later date.

My husband and I have often not gone to things because they are too expensive.

Kim_kim · 3 April 2016 at 8:18PM

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

|Yes, it would spoil my night, I would feel deprived. I would probably go and have something cheap and water to drink if it was something really special, but the fact I could not have what I wanted would spoil my night, and in fact I would find it more of a waste mof money that if we'd gone somewhere cheaper where I could eat more.

And also I would feel they thought I was a skinflint and party pooper.

I usually drink water with my food in preference to anything else.

Even in all inclusive hotels - I drink a lot of water & the odd small amount of booze.

silvercar · 3 April 2016 at 8:18PM

TBagpuss wrote: »

But why on earth would it spoil their evening if you only eat one course?

If I were in funds, I might be happy to pay for my friend's meal, but if they weren't comfortable with me doing that, or if I couldn't afford to, I'd far rather that they came and spent time with me,even if they chose not to eat much, than that they chose not to come at all. And I wouldn't automatically assume that someone couldn't afford more if they had a light meal.

Not everyone has the same appetite. If someone only has one course, or 2, I would never assume that it was because they couldn't afford more, nor would I expect them to split the bill equally.

I disagree. I would feel uncomfortable if someone came with for the company but couldn't afford to eat properly. I would far rather that we had discussed beforehand and gone where they could afford.

I make the same decisions. If someone invites me to dinner at somewhere beyond my budget I would decline, but if they make a date to go out and then discuss where we are all comfortable eating it is more sensible.

missbiggles1 · 3 April 2016 at 8:34PM

TBagpuss wrote: »

But why on earth would it spoil their evening if you only eat one course?

If I were in funds, I might be happy to pay for my friend's meal, but if they weren't comfortable with me doing that, or if I couldn't afford to, I'd far rather that they came and spent time with me,even if they chose not to eat much, than that they chose not to come at all. And I wouldn't automatically assume that someone couldn't afford more if they had a light meal.

Not everyone has the same appetite. If someone only has one course, or 2, I would never assume that it was because they couldn't afford more, nor would I expect them to split the bill equally.

My husband was never a big eater but his appetite went further downhill in the last 6/9 months of his life, although he still enjoyed going out for the (very) occasional meal with me or a couple of friends. However, he would never have spoiled the occasion for everybody else by sitting with nothing in front of him while everybody else felt guilty because they had decent appetites.

He always had the same number of courses as everybody else, eating a few mouthfuls of each course and enjoying what he was able to eat. That's the polite, thoughtful way to go about doing things - being part of the occasion, enjoying what you can and not spoiling things for everybody else.

large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

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