Did you plan your wedding before you got engaged?

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dirty_magic
dirty_magic Posts: 1,145 Forumite
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edited 24 August 2015 at 4:33PM in Marriage, relationships & families
If you do, does your OH know? I was shocked when my friend confessed that she'd ordered brochures for venues before he'd proposed, but we went to a wedding recently and a girl on our table admitted that she also had a secret wedding scrapbook. I've now just come across a thread on the weddings and anniversaries board and it seems to be more common than I thought!

My OH wasn't impressed at all and asked if I had one! He thinks it's really odd, and tbh I agree with him because I think wedding planning is something you should do together. It wouldn't even cross my mind, but then he's not going to propose. What do the men here think? Would you be annoyed if your girlfriend did this?
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  • Hermia
    Hermia Posts: 4,473 Forumite
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    I def haven't got one of those! I guess if a woman just has a few ideas about what sort of dress she would like etc it is harmless. I don't like it when the woman almost has the whole thing planned out though as it suggests she won't let the poor groom have any say in it. It is very odd when single women do it. What if your future OH has some family tradition he would like to follow? Or is from another religion? Or is chronically shy and would have a panic attack at a big wedding?
  • themull1
    themull1 Posts: 4,299 Forumite
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    First one no, second one yes, third one yes.
  • FreddieFrugal
    FreddieFrugal Posts: 1,750 Forumite
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    No, we planned it about three months before the wedding :)
    Mortgage remaining: £42,260 of £77,000 (2.59% til 03/18 - 2.09% til 03/23)

    Savings target June 18 - £22,281.99 / £25,000
  • Georgiegirl256
    Georgiegirl256 Posts: 7,005 Forumite
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    No, then again, I'm not sad and desperate. I thinks reeks of desperation, and if I was a bloke, I'd run a mile. There's plenty of time for all that if and when you get engaged.
  • LilElvis
    LilElvis Posts: 5,835 Forumite
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    I'm female and the answer is no. Neither did I dream of a Jordanesque pumpkin coach, fret about chair covers or plan it two years in advance.
  • Wellyboots6
    Wellyboots6 Posts: 2,735 Forumite
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    We discussed it on our first date!!
    Mainly because it came from a discussion about a friends wedding he had attended, I mentioned a traditional wedding was my idea of hell and he agreed. We then both described the things we would like.
    Our actual wedding was a joint effort to plan and incorporated a lot of what we talked about on the first date.
  • double_mummy
    double_mummy Posts: 3,989 Forumite
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    yup everything was planned and booked before i got engaged

    with the (soon to be ex) hubbys input we sorted it all out together but i couldnt find a ring that i loved so we just kept putting off the engagement until i found it but still got on with all the wedding planning in the mean time
    The only people I have to answer to are my beautiful babies aged 8 and 5
  • ognum
    ognum Posts: 4,852 Forumite
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    double_mummy wrote: »
    yup everything was planned and booked before i got engaged

    with the (soon to be ex) hubbys input we sorted it all out together but i couldnt find a ring that i loved so we just kept putting off the engagement until i found it but still got on with all the wedding planning in the mean time

    This is interesting and requires the definition of an engagement.

    Is it when you agree you will get married, in which case you had clearly agreed so you didn't plan before engagement

    Or

    Is it when you get a ring, which you seem to be suggesting!
  • maman
    maman Posts: 28,656 Forumite
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    ognum wrote: »
    This is interesting and requires the definition of an engagement.


    Exactly. In the traditional sense, you can't be engaged until someone has asked you to marry them. If you're planning a wedding without being asked, I'd agree that sounds like desperation. So is the plan for the wedding to just anyone or in desperate hope that current partner will ask ASAP?
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,840 Forumite
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    No of course not as until I was asked I didn't even know if there was going to be a wedding!
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
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