"Her" money vs "my" money
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TypicalVillain
Posts: 18 Forumite
I just got married last year and we still haven't quite merged finances. Separate bank accounts (partially due to our temporary living situation, we live an hour apart during the week) and credit cards, though we do carry copies of each other's cards. The weird thing is that I still thank her for buying dinner, or feel that I'm doing something "nice" by buying her ice cream. This question is only semi-serious
When does the feeling that it's "our" money start?
When does the feeling that it's "our" money start?
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TypicalVillain wrote: »When does the feeling that it's "our" money start?
Pretty much straight after having a conversation to decide what level of your combined income is thrown into a joint pot and how much you each keep back to go into separate accounts for free spends and to be able to arrange nice little surprises for each other.The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.0 -
Pretty much straight after having a conversation to decide what level of your combined income is thrown into a joint pot and how much you each keep back to go into separate accounts for free spends and to be able to arrange nice little surprises for each other.
Yeah I was thinking we'd keep separate accounts for a while because how else can we surprise each other?!0 -
I have always been of the opinion that keeping a level of independence in a relationship is important. Having an amount to spend each month as you wish without having to check in first is a good idea. If you have a joint account to cover bills, mortgage or rent, food, petrol etc. Maybe another one where you jointly save for the big niceties like holidays then your money begins to have that 'our' feeling to it. Best of both worlds.The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.0
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We've been living together 6 years and still have separate accounts. We got married last year and when all out friends told us to get it all in a joint account we disagreed.
We have a joint account, the mortgage and all bills come out of it including food and pet stuff. It's also building a 'buffer' which has previously paid for a new fridge and will soon pay for some guttering. We each pay a pre-agreed amount in on our pay days (its usually 50/50 but one or the other of us has been at uni the past 2 years).
We get paid in to individual accounts, have separate ISAs and savings account and each pay 50/50 for holidays etc out of these accounts. I'm better at saving than OH so prefer to have my own money. We agreed a spending allowance each a month and each put away money for car costs and budget for all other outgoings and the rest goes in savings, I'm just better at putting little bits aside (and buy less expensive electronics). But as long as he has money for preagreed things such as friends weddings, chirstmas, holidays etc I don't mind and we both have the 'can't touch unless its a real emergency' savings.
It's nice doing it our way, because if I buy some new shoes he doesn't mind and if buys a video game I don't have to worry. We can also surprise each other and, I can buy him dinner occasionally!0 -
We got a joint account as soon as we got married. We have only ever had 1 joint account (no separate accounts) and it has worked for us for 34 years now.
All money that comes into the house is our money. Some of the time I was the higher wage earner, some of the time OH was and now he works full time and I don't work at all. That means really that when I buy him a present it's money he has earned that pays for it but neither of us think of it like thatThe world is over 4 billion years old and yet you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie0 -
OH and I been together and we don't have a joint account.
Mind you - the house we live in was just OH's and the new one we have bought is only in my name at the moment!
We've had ups and downs in terms of career and earnings. I was a student for 3 years and then OH took a year off paid work to do a renovation project. Swings and roundabouts.
I will, until the day I die maintain some independent finances. OH doesnt know what I have in savings etc and I am happy for it to remain that way! Similarly I don't know exactly how much OH earns at the moment.0 -
squirrelchops wrote: »OH and I been together and we don't have a joint account.
Mind you - the house we live in was just OH's and the new one we have bought is only in my name at the moment!
We've had ups and downs in terms of career and earnings. I was a student for 3 years and then OH took a year off paid work to do a renovation project. Swings and roundabouts.
I will, until the day I die maintain some independent finances. OH doesnt know what I have in savings etc and I am happy for it to remain that way! Similarly I don't know exactly how much OH earns at the moment.
If you are both happy that's great but I certainly could not live with someone and not know how much they earned!
We don't keep secrets from each other so why would we keep secret what we earned or how much we had saved?The world is over 4 billion years old and yet you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie0 -
We have individual accounts thta our wages go into, we then transfer money into our joint accounts. We have 2 joint accounts, one that the mortgage and all bills comes out off plus a buffer for once a top year payments like car or house insurance, then we have a joint savings which we both put a small equal amount into each month that pays for a holiday or house repairs.
Whatever is left in our individual accounts is for us to do as we please. This works for us as I'm a spender and oh is a saver, I think if we mixed the money I would feel I couldn't spend my money as I want with oh questioning each purchase And he would feel I'm wasting all the money he saves (which is in his own savings account that I don't touch)0 -
If you are both happy that's great but I certainly could not live with someone and not know how much they earned!
We don't keep secrets from each other so why would we keep secret what we earned or how much we had saved?
It isn't a secret - I don't ask him and he doesn't ask me. I don't have the need to know every single penny he brings home. I know roughly what it is and he knows roughly what I have in ISA etc.0 -
OH and I have been together almost 10 years but haven't lived together. As we're moving in together later this year (renting) we have just set up a joint account.
We will each keep our own current accounts; I have a horse and a car, OH has neither but has a monthly rail card. Those are just easier kept to ourselves but we're each open about finances. The joint account will cover all rent/utilities etc.
We have said that we'll each have an ISA and (eventually) fill them, then look for a joint savings account but the focus will be on maximising what pitiful interest we can get!0
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